Q&A Archives | Page 23 of 36 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A

Q&A: “been following the allosexual debate. it seems like it’s not really about allosexual?”

May 4, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: been following the allosexual debate. it seems like it’s not really about allosexual? it’s about any term that groups non ace spec people apart from ace spec people, that it’s harmful to talk in any way about people who aren’t ace spec? because any non ace spec term could include people who don’t identify with sexual attraction or who don’t feel sexual attraction is important to or a defining part of their orientation? with the debate being framed on allosexual I’m not sure if I’m parsing right. (I mean about the way that allosexual, or any term for non ace spec people, is intended to be used, as a simple “not us” grouping for discussion purposes, not anything extra/problematic someone might do with the term or lump onto the term) indeed, many of the arguments that people are making against the usage of the word allosexual aren’t even really…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i am agender, but also a girl, simulaneously and constantly.”

May 2, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: i am agender, but also a girl, simulaneously and constantly. im nervous about telling people this because i dont want them to tell me i cant be be angender AND a girl. i usually just say im nonbinary but specifically im an agender girl. is this okay? of course it’s okay, anon. you aren’t obligated to tell anyone anything about your genders to begin with. if you do choose to tell someone something, it’s entirely up to you what / how much you tell them. in fact, i’m pretty sure that a lot of people come out as non-binary and leave it at that sometimes, not because they don’t identify as a more specific gender (or genders) but just because they don’t want to have to deal with people’s negative reactions or questions. there is absolutely nothing wrong with simplifying or selectively choosing what you tell people because…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “ive been id-ing as genderqueer for a while now bc i know im not a girl or a boy…”

April 28, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: ive been id-ing as genderqueer for a while now bc i know im not a girl or a boy and i definitely have a gender but i dont know what? and ive been very confused on presentation lately bc i want to be understood with an underlying masculinity but wear feminine stuff and im just kinda??? its just very confusing and im very lost hi, anon. 🙂 i understand that feeling confused and lost sucks, but really it’s okay. it’s okay to be confused. it’s okay to not know what your gender is. it’s okay to not be sure how you want to present yourself. it’s okay to not be sure how to achieve how you want to present yourself. it’s okay to not know how your presentation relates to your gender, if it even does at all. as much as being confused and lost sucks, it is…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I am a Muslim who wears hijab and I wanted to know if I have the right to use the label genderfluid to describe myself?”

April 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I am a Muslim who wears hijab and I wanted to know if I have the right to use the label genderfluid to describe myself? Even though I identify as either male, female, androgynous or something else, I am AFAB and have always presented myself as female, so does this sort of question the validity of my claim as genderfluid? Because I wear hijab all the time, I feel like I can’t claim to be anything but female as many people see hijab as a gender indicator rather than as a religious concept? anon, you have every right to identify as whatever feels comfortable or right to you. how you present yourself neither validates nor invalidates your identity, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. gender identity is one thing, gender (or self) expression is another. for some people, these two things happen to coincide with one…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “s it possible to transition to non binary in California?”

April 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it possible to transition to non binary in California? I want to get surgery to at the least remove/flatten my chest… But I’m worried insurance will not cover it. i don’t know a whole lot about California, but i do know that California is one of the few states that prohibits health insurance from denying someone coverage based on their trans status. i also know that Obamacare and Medi-Cal, among many other insurance plans, cover various forms of medical transition. honestly, from what i hear, you’re in one of the best states in America when it comes to trans healthcare, so i wouldn’t be too worried. try Googling your city’s name (or the name of a major city near you) and “transgender” or “transgender healthcare” to find resources that may help you. sadly, searching for trans resources will get you a lot further than looking for non-binary specific resources,…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is there a word for non-binary in Japanese that you know of?”

April 26, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m going to be moving to Japan in a couple of months for work, and I am non-binary. Is there a word for non-binary in Japanese that you know of? Also, I usually use 私 in school/professional settings but I tend to use 僕 and more masculine language around my friends that know Japanese. Is it advisable to use pronouns like this or should I just use female pronouns even though I barely identify with female? I will probably be in a fairly rural area. (would you mind tagging as w so i can find?) hi and welcome to Japan in advance. 🙂 Xジェンダー / x-gender is the Japanese equivalent of non-binary. just as with the word non-binary in English speaking countries, the majority of people in Japan will have never heard of the word Xジェンダー unless you’re in trans friendly / aware spaces. the word exists and…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it.”

April 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know this discourse isn’t front and center rn but I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it. I hate the “more than friends” thing. I hate “just friends.” I have a QPP I feel platonically attracted to, and I have two romantic partners, but I also have a lot of people that I’m just attracted to on a deeply emotional level and it doesn’t make sense for me as a quoi person to try to distinguish whether it’s romantic or platonic, because it just…is. I really couldn’t tell you how I feel. Trying to label it conventionally (or at all, in most cases) just doesn’t work and feels forced. Alterous is the only descriptor I’ve really found for it. I just wish that the person (people?) describing it were….better at…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I didn’t hurt her, but I don’t know why she cried either?”

April 19, 2016 / No Comments

cw: sex mention anonymous said: I (female) had sexy-time with my sort-of-girlfriend and as I thought she was about to have an orgasm, she started crying. Of course I stopped and asked what happened after she calmed down. I didn’t hurt her, but I don’t know why she cried either? that’s something that only she can tell you, but chances are that since she didn’t tell you why when you asked at the time, it may be something that is really hard for her to talk about for various reasons. you could try asking her again, but at the same time you must be understanding if she isn’t able to tell you. apologize for hurting her even if there was no physical pain and do your best to be supportive. reassure her that you’re there for her and that you don’t want to do anything that she doesn’t want to…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i have a question if i’m agender and i like cis girls and genderqueer people…”

April 14, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Eyy, i have a question if i’m agender and i like cis girls and genderqueer people… What’s my sexual orientation? yeaaah, putting a name to one’s orientation does get complicated when non-binary people are involved, doesn’t it? that said, i’m afraid i can’t tell you what your sexual orientation is. that’s something that you’ll have to decide. there are non-binary and/or agender people who are attracted to girls and genderqueer people who identify as bi since bi is defined as attraction to two or more genders, but there are also non-binary and/or agender people who experience similar attraction but don’t identify as bi. what matters most is what word / identity feels “right” to you. whatever word / identity that may be, try running with that and see how it feels. you can always change it if it doesn’t feel right. 🙂 sidenote: i’m assuming you have reasons for…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “In your experience, does the culture in Japan label asexuals as “otaku”, “shut-ins”, or with mental illness?”

April 9, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: In your experience, does the culture in Japan label asexuals as “otaku”, “shut-ins”, or with mental illness? Or is there not as much discrimination as there is in the asian-american community? i can’t compare Japanese culture to those of Asian American communities because i’m not Asian American myself, so i can’t comment on what happens within Asian American communities. having said that, in my experience, asexuality is even less heard of in Japan than it is in America. since society for the most part doesn’t even know asexuality is a thing, i myself am not really out outside of LGBTQIA spaces and the majority of the Japanese aces that i know aren’t out outside of LGBTQIA spaces either, i have no experience with and haven’t heard of asexuals in Japan being labeled as such. yes, there certainly is stigma towards “otaku”/オタク (which doesn’t mean the exact same thing…

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Vesper H.

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