...wouldn't it be great if there was more of a sense of intersectional community, comradery, and identity among aces who are also bi? among aces who are also gay? among aces who are also sans romantic orientation? among aces who are simultaneously a part of any other minority community (sexuality-based or not) in addition to also being ace...?
this may be a gross over-generalization on my part, but generally speaking, there is a lot of silence when it comes to talking about questioning one's identity, changing it or anything else that...
One-third of my life. That's how much of my life I've lived outside of America. My so-called "home country."
in 2015, i wrote a random, word vomit of a post about being “WhenTheStarsAlignHyperRo[mantic]” while offhandedly reflecting back on what little ‘data’ i had to work off of in trying to figure out my own experience of romantic attraction (or lack thereof). it was the first second (in so far as i remember) time i had questioned not being (allo)romantic outside of my head (& journal) while shrugging off identifying as being on the aromantic spectrum.
the following post was written for the May 2018 Carnival of Aces on the subject of “Nuance & Complexity“. it may or may not be cleaned up and cross-posted to the YouTube channel Queer As Cat in the future. —— some feel that people in (English-speaking, anglophone) ace communities are “overthinking” things. that the amount of words and identities (also referred to as “microlabels”) which have been coined in such communities is not only “overdoing it,” but even potentially harmful. i’d hope that this would go without saying (but understand that it doesn’t), that i disagree with the former and vehemently reject the latter. regardless of whether i or you or that random person over there petting the stray cat that’s out in the street right now feel such terminology to be useful to us personally, the fact remains that others do and there is immense value in that.
so i finally got to see Black Panther again ( #WAKANDAFOREVER AHHHHHH–) and am now at a Starbucks basking in the afterglow of the movie, about to attempt to herd my thoughts into a more coherent cacophony of words than exists in my head at present. wish me luck.
note: this post has been ported over as-is from Tumblr for my own future reference. anonymous submitted: (i had a long question, so, i hope it’s ok to use submit instead of sending multiple asks.) as a disclaimer, i ask this as an ace person who usually just ids as queer ace or grey ace. i’m not asking to be combative or make anyone feel bad.
anonymous said: Hi Vesper. I’m pretty certain that I like on both the aro- and Ace-spectrums; I’m not exactly sure where, but I’m not comfortable using the q word (I’m not sure what your blog’s policy in the word is, but better safe than sorry). I don’t have any interest in a romantic or sexual relationship, but I know I can feel romantic attraction. I’ve recently started just describing myself as “basically Aroace” and was wondering what your thoughts on the acceptability of this are. my opinion is that you should and have every right to use whatever words feel comfortable for you in describing yourself and that any and all consideration given to the “acceptability” of it can and should get the fuck out of your way if its making things difficult or uncomfortable for you, but that’s just me. having only gotten 6ish hours of sleep over the…
anonymous said Hi I saw your post about homoflexibility and I wanted to ask you about it. I think I identify as homoflexible, it’s what fits me best, but I didn’t realize it was biphobic and I’m really freaked out because I don’t want to be biphobic it’s just what fits me best. I don’t consider myself bi because while I occasionally can have attraction to guys I don’t want a relationship(or sex) with a guy, I just don’t. But I’m not a lesbian either because I can occasionally experience attraction to guys. hi anon, first of all, sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. i hope you’re well. i’m guessing that the post that you’re referring to is this one? as i tried to make clear in the original post, i was only voicing my own personal qualms with common definitions of homoflexible (and heteroflexible) and…
the more i question whether i was ever actually attracted to men at all– and if so, in what way?– the more i realize that knowing the answers to such questions isn’t particularly pertinent seeing as how i can’t see myself ever choosing to be in an intimate relationship with a man again anyway. still identify as bi and pan (more so bi these days than pan for reasons not entirely related), but my personal definitions of and relationship with these identities has changed, continues to change and will continue to change over the years. and yet my relationship with and identity as queer continues to be the truest and dearest to me of all.