my #WakandaForever✊🏿 is not your #WakandaForever✊
so i finally got to see Black Panther again ( #WAKANDAFOREVER AHHHHHH–) and am now at a Starbucks basking in the afterglow of the movie, about to attempt to herd my thoughts into a more coherent cacophony of words than exists in my head at present. wish me luck.
QAC 66 – Split Attraction Model: Opting Out Of Romantic Orientations || Grayromantic | Asexual
i’ve said this before on Tumblr, but it’s time to make it “official” on YouTube: i don’t identify as biromantic or panromantic anymore. in fact, i don’t identify as “-romantic” anything anymore. after years of quietly questioning my experience of so-called “romantic” attraction, all the while trying to navigate spaces which obviously didn’t have someone like me– someone who neither felt comfortable being assumed “[allo]romantic” nor “aromantic”– in mind, i finally opted to discard romantic orientations (for myself) all together. rather, i identify as a bi ace. as a pan ace. although if i’m being honest, more often than not as a queer ace or more simply as “queer”. but what exactly is the difference between “biromantic ace” and “bi ace”? after over a year of having identified as the latter, it seems to me that thanks to amatonormativity and the general normalization of romantic orientations in ace communities, people don’t see…
just the one.
as someone who can count on one hand the number of people they’ve ever had intense feelings for over the course of 32 years of this thing called “Life” and still have fingers to spare, can i just say that this whole intense feelings thing is an adjustment? with a learning curve, apparently, because what little past experience i have feels like nothing in comparison, and yet has still managed to do nothing but hinder me in the present. might as well only count the one finger. yes. that finger. because fuck you, ghosts of relationships past that still haunt me to this day.
QAC 63 – Story Time: Coming Out To A Coworker || Visibly Queer | Non-Binary || The T Files #003
ever tried to come out to someone only to be met with “i already knew that”? before last week, i couldn’t say that i have, but when a coworker thinks their “gaydar” is on-point, but that gaydar ever-so-predictably fails to extend beyond just “GAY”, mental eye rolling, story time and a mini word vomit ensue. what does it mean to be “visibly queer” and why is it that more often than not ‘queer’ is often taken to be synonymous with “gay”? and is there any such thing as “visibly trans” or “visibly non-binary”? don’t expect to find any answers here, as it took me considerable effort just to limit my apathetic word vomit to 5 minutes zzz… two days post-recording and much sleep deprivation later…
them diamoric enbian feels.
the more i question whether i was ever actually attracted to men at all– and if so, in what way?– the more i realize that knowing the answers to such questions isn’t particularly pertinent seeing as how i can’t see myself ever choosing to be in an intimate relationship with a man again anyway. still identify as bi and pan (more so bi these days than pan for reasons not entirely related), but my personal definitions of and relationship with these identities has changed, continues to change and will continue to change over the years. and yet my relationship with and identity as queer continues to be the truest and dearest to me of all.
📷 queer is
…so i took some photos while visiting Hitachi Seaside Park (Ibaraki, Japan) this past weekend and decided to plaster text all over them because i was feeling artsy fartsy and shit and if you reblog this post without this caption i will hunt you down and kancho you. 以上です。
Re: “”Visibility””
for the longest time it struck me as odd, the way that the LGBT community at large upholds “visibility” as some kind of goal or ideal to be fought for. it wasn’t until recent years that i actually stopped and thought about it enough to realize why reference to and usage of “visibility” in this way bothers me so much. as someone who has always been and will always be hypervisible because of their race, it baffles me when people advocate for visibility as if visibility is what we all want; as if visibility is even a means to getting what we all want. this upholding of visibility as something important for all of us to fight for seems grossly negligent of the fact that some of us are already more visible than others and that that very visibility is part of what has gotten some of us bullied, turned away…
conversation with Mr. Psychiatrist: その②
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
two new pages have been added to the QAC Tumblr blog
unimportant meta announcement, but: #VesperSpeaks* …so every now and again i sit in front of my laptop and bang away at it like Keyboard Cat, usually resulting in long-winded rants or random posts about feels… or something. Tumblr being Tumblr, those posts are subsequently lost to the abyss that is this blog soon after i post them, never to be seen again without digging through tags. this page is a non-exhaustive compilation of some of the things i’ve “written” with videos sprinkled in, organized in descending chronological order by category. #LGBTQIA in Japan* i often get asks asking me about things related to Japan or the Japanese language and from time to time i write spontaneous posts related to my experiences in Japan. this page is a compilation of some of those posts. disclaimer: in case this isn’t already clear, please note that everything on this page and on…
conversation with Mr. Psychiatrist: その①
me: these meds sure have helped me regain control over my depression and anxiety. finally back to my depressed-anxious-and-angry-but-not-worryingly-so self! psychiatrist: that’s good– but what if– WHAT IF we up the dose a bit. at this rate, there’s a good chance you could go into remission! me: remission lolololol nah, i’m good, i think. pyschiatrist: but– BUT don’t you want to TRY? you could feel even better! me: even better lolololololol no antidepressant is going to make me better cuz no antidepressant is going to make this world less of a shitty place, but thanks anyway lololol
