ive been id-ing as genderqueer for a while now bc i know im not a girl or a boy and i definitely have a gender but i dont know what? and ive been very confused on presentation lately bc i want to be understood with an underlying masculinity but wear feminine stuff and im just kinda??? its just very confusing and im very lost
hi, anon. 🙂
i understand that feeling confused and lost sucks, but really it’s okay.
it’s okay to be confused.
it’s okay to not know what your gender is.
it’s okay to not be sure how you want to present yourself.
it’s okay to not be sure how to achieve how you want to present yourself.
it’s okay to not know how your presentation relates to your gender, if it even does at all.
as much as being confused and lost sucks, it is important to remember that confusion is natural. it’s part of a process or a journey that you (along with many others) are now smack-dab in the middle of, and that’s okay.
having said that, while reading your ask i got the impression that perhaps you’re not as lost or confused as you might feel…?
you know that you’re not a boy or a girl, but that you definitely have a gender. you know that you want to be understood with an underlying masculinity but wear feminine stuff. it sounds to me like there’s already a lot that you do know and aren’t confused about. i’d say that you already know quite a lot about yourself!
take what you already know and use that as the basis for experimentation. experiment with your appearance. find someone (or even many someones) whose appearance you admire and try to emulate what you like about it. mix and match. try something, see how it makes you feel and makes changes based on that. if during your research into various gender identities you come across something that interests you or feels like it might be close to how you feel, perhaps try identifying as that for a while to see how it makes you feel. trial and error is the name of the game and it might help to record how various things make you feel to help you figure out what feels comfortable and what doesn’t.
confusion sucks, but there are things that you can do to make your journey through it less stressful. experimentation can be a great distraction, but it can also be fun.
more importantly, don’t overlook the progress you’ve already made and how much you already know about yourself. pat yourself on the back because you’ve already come so far and are already so much more aware of who you are than before! keep it up and i’m sure you’ll get to where you want to be in the future. just try to make the best of your journey along the way. 🙂
all the best, anon.