QAC 66 – Split Attraction Model: Opting Out Of Romantic Orientations || Grayromantic | Asexual
i’ve said this before on Tumblr, but it’s time to make it “official” on YouTube: i don’t identify as biromantic or panromantic anymore. in fact, i don’t identify as “-romantic” anything anymore. after years of quietly questioning my experience of so-called “romantic” attraction, all the while trying to navigate spaces which obviously didn’t have someone like me– someone who neither felt comfortable being assumed “[allo]romantic” nor “aromantic”– in mind, i finally opted to discard romantic orientations (for myself) all together. rather, i identify as a bi ace. as a pan ace. although if i’m being honest, more often than not as a queer ace or more simply as “queer”. but what exactly is the difference between “biromantic ace” and “bi ace”? after over a year of having identified as the latter, it seems to me that thanks to amatonormativity and the general normalization of romantic orientations in ace communities, people don’t see…
that feel when no words
that feel when you finally have a use for relationship terminology, but none of it makes sense to you because all of it is predicated on the assumption that you subscribe to the dichotomy of “romantic” vs “[queer]platonic”– not to even mention the equally taxing concept that is “alterous”.
beyond shitty.
…can i just say that it is beyond shitty that despite questioning my romantic orientation openly for the first time 2 years ago and having explicitly disidentified with ”-romantic” anything for a year at the very least, now more than ever i feel like i could and would never identify as being anywhere on the aromantic spectrum because of negative experiences that i continue to have re: having both my identity and my experiences assumed, ignored and polarized by some aces on the aromantic spectrum? because yeah, that’s really shitty imho. edit: oh lookie here. rediscovered a video where i openly questioned my romantic orientation for the first time back in 2014. oh well, doesn’t matter now. never identifying as aro or -romantic anything anyway.
allo by default: hypocrisy in “aspec” spaces
….you know, considering how much talk there is in the ace community about how asexuality and aromanticism exist on a spectrum– of “grayness” and differing types of attractions with occasional attention paid to diversity of one kind or another– it both amazes and frustrates me how so many of the same people who speak of these things still seem to operate based on the very same assumption that exists within society at large: that everyone is (allo)romantic and / or (allo)sexual by default unless explicitly stated otherwise. while i understand that aces (and aros) internalize and subsequently have to unlearn amatonormativity and sexnormativity (and heteronormativity) just the same as everyone else and that there’s also likely an element of self-defense / self-preservation involved, it is beyond frustrating every time i see or am subjected to microaggressions from aces who adhere to the very same “______ by default unless otherwise stated” mindset that…
the #Jughead mess masterpost
this post marks the last time i’ll be responding to asks about / reblogs of the post i made about the fight for Jughead’s correct portrayal on the CW’s Riverdale. after 3 days of responding to nearly 15 asks / posts on the topic and the anxiety that that has caused me on top of everything else going on in my life, i’m calling it quits on that post. while i still stand by the admittedly unclear point that i was attempting to make, i do apologize to those who were hurt by my unclear wording. i’m also done with talking about asexual representation in general or fandom-related anything anymore. while i appreciate the kind words of encouragement i received, it’s not worth the cost to my mental health to talk about even my own representation anymore. this post serves as both a future point of reference on the mess that…
Q&A: “Are there any good reasons why the split attraction model should be something only a-spec people use?”
anonymous said: Are there any good reasons why the split attraction model should be something only a-spec people use? A-spec aren’t the only people with crossed orientations. as far as i’m concerned, there is no reason why someone couldn’t or shouldn’t make use of the split attraction model if they feel it meaningful to do so. anyone who insists on telling someone that something that they find meaningful or helpful for themself is “actually more harmful than helpful” needs to stop and think about why it is that they feel it alright to attempt to undermine someone else’s agency over their own identity like that. the reason that i always see being upheld as for why the split attraction model is “more harmful than helpful” for people who aren’t asexual and / or aromantic always boils down to “because it was harmful for me.” in fact, after commenting on the post that…
Feedback: “Thanks for the heteroromantic homosexual flag and thank you for your responses…”
anonymous said: Thanks for the heteroromantic homosexual flag and thank you for your responses and other people for their nice comments when this other tumblr user was more or less telling I’m not normal. It took more than 30 years before I could name my orientation and I was so happy when I was finally could do it. So it’s not nice to be insulted by someone who wasn’t asked a thing. Sorry if you were annoyed because of me and sorry for my bad English, it’s not my mother tongue. And again THANKS. (re: this post) no problem, anon, and no worries. i’m more than happy to help when i can and your English is great. i was annoyed at the other person, not you. 🙂
Q&A: “Do you know a pride flag for heteroromantic homosexual?”
anonymous said: Hi. Do you know a pride flag for heteroromantic homosexual? Thanks hello. 🙂 there are no ‘official’ flags for mixed orientations (romantic & sexual orientations which differ from each other), but many people use the flag that is common for sexual orientations with a heart in the center in the colors of their romantic orientation. since i couldn’t find a decent example to link you to, i made one. here you go.
Q&A: “What are your thoughts on the ‘ace discourse’?”
anonymous said: Hi! I really like your blog, and I’ve seen a few of your videos, you’re really cool and you helped me a lot on understanding my identity. I wanted to ask you, but of course you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, what are your thoughts on the ‘ace discourse’? hello and thanks for the kind words. 🙂 i’m going to be a bit pedantic and ask what exactly you’re referring to when you say ‘the ace discourse’ because i feel like this phrase is being used to refer to a lot of different (although related) stuff that’s been going on on Tumblr for a while now. do you mean how some people insist that inclusion in ‘the LGBT community’ is based on oppression? that aces aren’t oppressed at all? that aces are oppressed, but not for being ace? do you mean how some people insist that…
Q&A: “That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels!”
anonymous said: That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels! I identify under both the ace and aro umbrellas, but it’s weird and hard to explain and trying to say I’m bi/pan/poly/etc (even without -romantic) carries that weird connotation that doesn’t fit me. I actually think you just managed to put my feelings into words??? I’m having an epiphany and I need to go think about this more. (re: this post) i know right? i’m also very fond of ‘queer’ as a word and identity and identify strongly with it. sometimes i refer to myself as a ‘queer asexual’ rather than as a ‘bi / pan asexual’ for the sake of brevity and/or to avoid assumptions, depending on the situation and who i’m talking to. whenever i do that, ‘queer’ isn’t acting as a replacement for ‘bi’ or ‘pan’, but rather as yet another…
