allo by default: hypocrisy in “aspec” spaces
….you know, considering how much talk there is in the ace community about how asexuality and aromanticism exist on a spectrum– of “grayness” and differing types of attractions with occasional attention paid to diversity of one kind or another– it both amazes and frustrates me how so many of the same people who speak of these things still seem to operate based on the very same assumption that exists within society at large: that everyone is (allo)romantic and / or (allo)sexual by default unless explicitly stated otherwise.
while i understand that aces (and aros) internalize and subsequently have to unlearn amatonormativity and sexnormativity (and heteronormativity) just the same as everyone else and that there’s also likely an element of self-defense / self-preservation involved, it is beyond frustrating every time i see or am subjected to microaggressions from aces who adhere to the very same “______ by default unless otherwise stated” mindset that exists within society at large– except, in my humble opinion, that assumption has now been compounded upon within the asexual community à la the split attraction model and subsequent prevalence of “asexuals have a (a)romantic orientation by default”.
but that’s a post for another time.
“spectrum”, “grayness”– nothing but empty lip service when the very same people who speak of such things simultaneously attempt to draw lines in the sand where there ought to be none, only acknowledge said grayness when it is explicitly stated or embraced as an identity and / or make assumptions about a person’s experience with attraction based solely on the lack of a particular identity– or conversely, based on the explicit presence of an identity that is assumed to mean something that it very well may not thanks to the existing dichotomy and yet simultaneously inseparable nature of amatonormativity and sexnormativity (and heteronormativity) and its continued influence upon and within the asexual community.
i am tired of navigating various fissures in the asexual community and ending up worse off for it, time and time again becoming more and more disgruntled to the point of feeling the need to distance myself from the “community” all together. The Thing that continues to motivate me, apart from sheer stubbornness, is the thought of others who find themselves navigating these fissures with me.
it both amazes and frustrates me how so many of the same people who speak of these things still seem to operate based on the very same assumption that exists within society at large: that everyone is (allo)romantic and / or (allo)sexual by default unless explicitly stated otherwise.
I found this post today via a post by Neir, and I’m really feeling this lately in light of… things.