Q&A: “Are there any good reasons why the split attraction model should be something only a-spec people use?”

anonymous said:

Are there any good reasons why the split attraction model should be something only a-spec people use? A-spec aren’t the only people with crossed orientations.

as far as i’m concerned, there is no reason why someone couldn’t or shouldn’t make use of the split attraction model if they feel it meaningful to do so. anyone who insists on telling someone that something that they find meaningful or helpful for themself is “actually more harmful than helpful” needs to stop and think about why it is that they feel it alright to attempt to undermine someone else’s agency over their own identity like that.

the reason that i always see being upheld as for why the split attraction model is “more harmful than helpful” for people who aren’t asexual and / or aromantic always boils down to “because it was harmful for me.” in fact, after commenting on the post that inspired this ask, the person in question literally regurgitated that exact reason* on his blog. that is, the people making the claim that the split attraction model is harmful do so on the basis of having once used the split attraction model for themself until they felt that it was doing them more harm than good. they then somehow take their personal experience and apply it blanketly to everyone else because, you know, that’s logical. the whole “i used to think i was X but now i know i’m Y, therefore everyone who is who thinks they are X is actually Y like me” line of thought.

it should go without saying that just because something did not help you does not mean that it will not help anyone else.

it should go without saying that just because something was harmful for you does not mean that it will be harmful for everyone else.

it should go without saying that questioning someone else’s identity or otherwise calling into question a person’s agency over their own identity is wrong.

and it should go without saying that if someone finds something helpful for themself personally, then neither you nor i nor anyone else has any business telling them that they’re ‘doing it wrong’.

however, apparently these things do not go without saying, so please forgive me venting all over your ask, @questions-within-questions.

*the links included in this post are to illustrate a point. please do not engage with the person on the other end of those links.