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just the one.
as someone who can count on one hand the number of people they’ve ever had intense feelings for over the course of 32 years of this thing called “Life” and still have fingers to spare, can i just say that this whole intense feelings thing is an adjustment? with a learning curve, apparently, because what little past experience i have feels like nothing in comparison, and yet has still managed to do nothing but hinder me in the present. might as well only count the one finger. yes. that finger. because fuck you, ghosts of relationships past that still haunt me to this day.
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Tumblr trolls…. ugh.
blaqueer: so, you know that saying “laughter heals the soul”…? well, i certainly wouldn’t go that far, but it did make for a good, even if “childish”, way to pass the time on Snapchat at work today. at the very least, it’s better than getting annoyed or frustrated, as per usual. see: original post bitmoji and Snapchat make for Tumblr-worthy reactionary screenshots, apparently.
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impostor.
…it’s always disconcerting to be reminded of how people seem to have an impression of me as a person / my personality that doesn’t at all reflect who i am in reality.
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one step forward, zero steps back?
so, after going to an appointment with my psychiatrist and blabbering about how much being around my family fucks me up whenever i go “home” for the holidays, which i’d be doing in less than a month’s time, causing him to be like “but what if you relapse??? consider upping your meds before you go???” and me being like “at least i’m on meds at all this time around so lolololol nah”– i felt the need to just…. really DO something yesterday. so i did the something. and the something will happen 4realz for realz tomorrow. so yeah, Anxiety word vomit blogging at 9:35pm at Starbucks. over the past three weeks or so i’ve been emailing a clinic that had been recommended to me by a friend re: starting HRT. after three weeks of no response to said emails, i decided to sneak out of work yesterday (because the clinic is seemingly only…
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QAC 59 – Antidepressants 3 Months Later | BetterHelp: Online Therapy| World Mental Health Day
did you know that October 10th is World Mental Health Day? i’ve recently tried out BetterHelp.com, a great resource for online therapy. if you’re interested in trying online therapy or looking for a new therapist, check it out maybe? it’s been over 3 months since i started antidepressants. i made a video about my [mis]adventures with turning to professional help via medication for the first time back in July. it being World Mental Health Day and all, now’s the perfect time to finally update you all on the continuation of my [mis]adventures in mental health shit– now with an added dab of online therapy on top! in the interest of complete transparency, this video is a sponsored by BetterHelp and the above link is my personal referral link and anything generated from it will come back to me. that said, i would only ever accept sponsorship on a video if…
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Q&A not Q&A: “I hate discourse!”
anonymous said: I hate discourse! Honesty it makes me feel like crap whenever I see it. I want it to stop. I hate that asexuality/ aromanticim has become a punching bag for a portion of the tumblr community and acceptable to mock. *gah* *nods* ‘discourse’ really is frustrating, among a million other things. not gonna lie, i’ve very much enjoying my time offline with Cal or online with Netflix– anywhere that isn’t Tumblr tbh. i’m a huge advocate of dropping Tumblr like it’s a bad habit when it gets to be too much (or when life happenings just otherwise makes Tumblr “eh”)– or alternatively, blocking (temporarily or not) people who bring (inadvertently or not) posts from the ‘discourse’ side of Tumblr onto your dashboard. alternatively alternatively, use browser extensions to block keywords or tags to help keep yourself from seeing such posts without out completely blocking out a person or their blog entirely. there…
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Q&A not Q&A: “i know yokohama has SHIP, an ngo which mostly does hangout type stuff, but they probably know someone”
anonymous said: i know yokohama has SHIP, an ngo which mostly does hangout type stuff, but they probably know someone ( re: this post ) !!!!! anon, thank you!! i already know of SHIPにじいろキャビン and have no idea why i didn’t even think of them at the time of answering the other ask… just further proof that i need more sleep, i guess… *sigh* anyway, as you said, SHIP is an NPO that runs the only LGBTQIA community center that i know of in Yokohama and hosts an assortment of monthly LGBTQIA events. i went to one event and checked out their community center once, but then work and finances got hectic and i haven’t been back since, sadly…. they seemed like good people, though. upon getting this ask, i immediately thought about dropping by there after work sometime to ask about counseling services, but then i went to their website…
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on coming out to my psychiatrist
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
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Q&A: “Do you know of any LGBTQ (or LGBTQ-competent) counseling services in Japan?”
anonymous said: Vesper, do you know of any LGBTQ (or LGBTQ-competent) counseling services in Japan? Specifically in the Yokohama/Tokyo area, but online resources would also be appreciated. anon, you must be psychic, because you have impeccable timing. i just had a discussion with my psychiatrist about this the other day and was going to keep on procrastinating writing about how it went, but your ask was the nudge i needed to get off my ass and write The Thing. you may be interested in reading The Thing, but in the interest of saving you some time, here’s a spoiler alert: my psychiatrist wasn’t all that helpful. if you’re looking for counseling services in English, he seems skeptical about there being anyone in the Yokohama / Tokyo area (in so far as he knows) who offer services specifically dealing with LGBTQIA people or the issues that we face. as for counseling…
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Q&A: “I’m a sex repulsed Aromantic asexual non binary and fandom shipping really bothers me…”
anonymous said: I’m a sex repulsed Aromantic asexual non binary and fandom shipping really bothers me , like really hurts me , I’ve spent seven years warring with shippers to prove my favorite character deserved better than a straight ship , his co star has a shady background and I don’t trust her either , anyway I’m done fighting , I know I’ve lost the war , the ship is cannon and I’m sunk , and I’m at a loss what to do , I want to die , I feel like a samurai that lost the war you know ? How do I get over it ? hi, anon. first of all, sorry for taking so long to get to your ask. i hope you feel at least somewhat better now compared to when you sent this 10 days ago. going to be completely honest with you, anon……. i…
