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conversation with Mr. Psychiatrist: その①
me: these meds sure have helped me regain control over my depression and anxiety. finally back to my depressed-anxious-and-angry-but-not-worryingly-so self! psychiatrist: that’s good– but what if– WHAT IF we up the dose a bit. at this rate, there’s a good chance you could go into remission! me: remission lolololol nah, i’m good, i think. pyschiatrist: but– BUT don’t you want to TRY? you could feel even better! me: even better lolololololol no antidepressant is going to make me better cuz no antidepressant is going to make this world less of a shitty place, but thanks anyway lololol
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QAC 57 – Depression and Anxiety, meet Antidepressants | Sertraline | Mental Health
for over 15 years i’ve struggled with Depression and Anxiety without therapy or medical intervention for numerous reasons, but having had Depression and Anxiety mop the floor with my ass for the past several months, i’ve finally bitten the bullet and sought out help in the form of antidepressants. in this video, i talk about my recent bout with depression and anxiety, my first psychiatric appointment and my first week on antidepressants. don’t want to watch the whole thing? don’t blame you, i’m longwinded as fuck. here are some jump points: ?00:31 – deteriorating mental health ?06:16 – first psychiatric appointment ?11:03 – antidepressants: the bad ?16:42 – antidepressants: the good …so this happened.
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…the state of this blog, basically.
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…mmm, so.
i’m extremely busy and low on spoons right now, so i’ve been silently keeping a very weary eye on the ongoing situation regarding YouTube’s age-restricted censorship of LGBTQIA content. as youtuber after youtuber responded to the censorship of their videos and the outcry from youtubers and non-youtubers alike grew, i’ve remained silent because, as i said, i’m extremely busy and low on spoons– but also because i glanced at Creator Studio, the backend of YouTube for content creators, and saw no change in my video listing or anything else that indicated restriction. well, my exhausted, weary (and wary) ass turned on “Restricted Mode” tonight. 29 out of 65 of my videos and 4 entire playlists have been marked as potentially inappropriate for young viewers. and you know, if i weren’t barely functioning, struggling to even find the time to eat and sleep right now, i’d most certainly be livid and…
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Q&A: “i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don’t identify as ace…”
anonymous said: (suicide ideation, death threat and conversion tw) i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don’t identify as ace because aces are bad, basically. and like, i’m literally crying. idk what to do, that just really struck me. someone who wrote about being queer, ace and a poc like me shitting on me and telling me my identity is inherently problematic when it’s the reason i can’t access mental health atm, which is something i need cause the ‘discourse’ & the violent abuse i faced on this website for, including death threats, caused me to fall back into suicidal ideation. and the only therapist available to me suggested conversion therapy (i live in a small central american country, there’s not much knowledge about these things- she thinks if i can be converted to straight, i will no…
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re: fuck my life
18 days and two near anxiety attacks later, the ball is finally starting to roll again after having been stalled for weeks because of Japan’s love of Red Tape™. now that it’s finally rolling again, gravity has it rapidly gaining speed down a sharp incline of 15 days until i officially move out, with smaller finish lines in the form of various deadlines along the way. sigh!
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Feedback: “…you are one of my favorite blogs”
anonymous said: I just returned to tumblr after a rather long hiatus and I just came across a post of yours and remembered how awesome and fantastic you are, and felt the need to inform you that you are one of my favorite blogs <3 thanks for the kind words, anon. it was nice reading them, especially at the moment as i find myself increasingly uncomfortable and anxious existing on this site.
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that feel when
self-proclaimed allies look to you for guidance on how they can be a better ally while consciously or not expecting their hand to be held or their fragile feelings to be spared along the way; simultaneously oblivious every time they trample all over your feelings, perpetrating the very thing they claim to be against because they’re so focused on the elephant in the room that they pay no mind to their own everyday microaggressions.
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BLAQUEER: a self-care attempt
January 1st, 2017: an attempt at being more “active” about my own well-being à la microblogging finally gets off the ground. i’ve been thinking about making something like this for myself for a while, but have always dragged my feet about it. BLAQUEER will be devoted to any and everything that i find helpful for myself personally re: navigating queerness, mental health and self-care as a black person. at the moment, i envision that as including, but not being limited to: photos, artwork, etc of queer black people existing: because goddamnit, be it on Tumblr or out in the world at large, i never see that without actively search for it. i want a place where i can see people like me existing without having to hunt for it each time. i also want to curate what i see because i’m tired of wading through hypersexualization / hypermasculinzation when i do hunt…
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on perpetual exhaustion
that feel when someone asks you how you are and you respond saying that you’re “tired”, knowing full well that they’ll take what you said differently from how you meant it. but that’s okay. because you’re fucking tired. you don’t have the energy to do anything about their understanding of the word anyway. hell, you yourself may not even know what kind of tired you are that day. are you depressed tired? are you anemic tired? are you queer tired? are you gaslighted tired? are you black tired? are you expat tired? are you anxious tired? are you one of the Many Other Kinds of tired? are you All Of The Above And More tired? ah yes, that’s right. you are a unique concoction of All The Above And More tired, further compounded upon by having to persevere through life as if you aren’t actually tired at all. when life…
