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QAC 66 – Split Attraction Model: Opting Out Of Romantic Orientations || Grayromantic | Asexual
i’ve said this before on Tumblr, but it’s time to make it “official” on YouTube: i don’t identify as biromantic or panromantic anymore. in fact, i don’t identify as “-romantic” anything anymore. after years of quietly questioning my experience of so-called “romantic” attraction, all the while trying to navigate spaces which obviously didn’t have someone like me– someone who neither felt comfortable being assumed “[allo]romantic” nor “aromantic”– in mind, i finally opted to discard romantic orientations (for myself) all together. rather, i identify as a bi ace. as a pan ace. although if i’m being honest, more often than not as a queer ace or more simply as “queer”. but what exactly is the difference between “biromantic ace” and “bi ace”? after over a year of having identified as the latter, it seems to me that thanks to amatonormativity and the general normalization of romantic orientations in ace communities, people don’t see…
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that feel when no words
that feel when you finally have a use for relationship terminology, but none of it makes sense to you because all of it is predicated on the assumption that you subscribe to the dichotomy of “romantic” vs “[queer]platonic”– not to even mention the equally taxing concept that is “alterous”.
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Q&A: “…is there are word for “aromanticism” in Japanese?”
livingxvxfaith said: Hi Vesper! I was wondering, is there are word for “aromanticism” in Japanese? For アセクシャル/アセクシュアル there’s アセクシュアリティー, but I can’t find an official Japanese noun companion for アロマンティック… hi. 🙂 ‘aromanticism’ is phonetically transcribed as アロマンティシズム in Japanese, but it’s very rare that i see anyone actually using that word. actually, even アセクシャリティ / ‘asexuality’ isn’t used often. outside of perhaps academia or writing where someone is discussing sexual orientation(s) in an abstract or objective way, it’s more common to use adjectives or adjective phrases… that is, if any distinction is even being made between ‘asexual(ity)’ and ‘aromantic(ism)’ at all. ……but anyway uhhhhhhh. yeah. アロマンティシズム is the word you’re looking for, although there’s nothing particularly ‘official’ about any of these words or language in general? unless we’re talking French or something.
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Q&A: “on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating…”
my-minds-matters: queerascat: anonymous said: I just had a eureka moment when looking at your recent reblog of a post on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating… As an aro ace, the whole “love” angle is definitely implicitly exclusionary. The core of my being aro ace is that I DON’T love anyone That Way, and community rhetoric consistently fails to reflect that. Not to mention that I find the “twoo wuv” thing eye-roll-inducing at times. Your thoughts? ( re: this post ) i agree that in addition to ignoring, excluding and / or alienating trans and non-binary people, as pointed out in the OP, such rhetoric also ignores, excludes and alienates those for whom “love” (be it in the traditional, romantic sense or at all) is not a thing– or at least, is not The Thing that defines their connection to the LGBTQIA community. such rhetoric posits love…
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Q&A: “do people in japan know about asexuality or intersex , graysexuals , aromantics…?”
anonymous said: i was wondering, do people in japan know about asexuality or intersex , graysexuals , aromantics…? they know about lgbt but what about these? is there any kind of awareness to it? ( i discovered that im ace flux and still questioning whether demisexual or graysexual, but also that im biromantic seemingly and was wondering if it would be a problem there? are people accepting or aware of them or just lgbt?) it’s hard to make a broad generalization about an entire country of people, but generally speaking, i’d say that awareness of intersex people, the ace spectrum and the aro spectrum– and indeed, LGBT everything– is behind where it is in, say, the US. at the same time, Japan is a very diverse place. within the same country, even among the same demographic of people, awareness can vary greatly. everything i’m saying and about to say is…
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Q&A: “I’ve explained to my mom a couple of times what asexuality and aromanticism are and how they differ…”
buffintruda said: I’ve explained to my mom a couple of times what asexuality and aromanticism are and how they differ but she can’t remember. She’s very supportive of me being aroace so I don’t think it’s purposeful. Japanese is her first language so it might be better to explain in Japanese, but I can only speak English. I understand if you’re busy, and this isn’t too important, but if you have the time and energy, could you link a website that fully explains it or write your own explanation? Thank you! hi! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. i’ve decided to respond to it publicly because others may find the information in it useful, but i will gladly take the post down if you’d so prefer. just let me know. i don’t know whether your mom will find this easier to understand or not, but this…
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Re: Demiromantic and Gray (a)romantic Flags
queerascat: pride-flags: queerascat: after making the arospec pride flag set, something about the demiromantic and gray (a)romantic flags really bothered me. the aromantic flag has no purple in it. from what i remember of that flag’s creation, this was done intentionally to distinguish aromanticism from asexuality as the two are often mistakenly linked. shouldn’t it be the same for the demiromantic flag vs the demisexual flag and the gray (a)romantic flag vs the gray asexual flag? in replacing the purple with green, there is a more visible connection to aromanticism and thus to being part of the aromantic spectrum. i think i will go ahead and revise the pride flag photoset, but thoughts anyone? i’m probably not even the first to think of this, but yeah? Are you the creator of these pride flags? Just wondering. …i hesitate to say that i am the original creator of these flags as…
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….mmm, you know.
i’d make a quasi-linkspam of a post about the many times and ways that i’ve had aro aces tell me that i can’t do / say / talk about / feel / understand something because i’m “romantic”, but more than likely i’d get accused of being arophobic instead of, you know, pointing out a legitimate problem within the aro ace community that ought to be addressed.
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allo by default: hypocrisy in “aspec” spaces
….you know, considering how much talk there is in the ace community about how asexuality and aromanticism exist on a spectrum– of “grayness” and differing types of attractions with occasional attention paid to diversity of one kind or another– it both amazes and frustrates me how so many of the same people who speak of these things still seem to operate based on the very same assumption that exists within society at large: that everyone is (allo)romantic and / or (allo)sexual by default unless explicitly stated otherwise. while i understand that aces (and aros) internalize and subsequently have to unlearn amatonormativity and sexnormativity (and heteronormativity) just the same as everyone else and that there’s also likely an element of self-defense / self-preservation involved, it is beyond frustrating every time i see or am subjected to microaggressions from aces who adhere to the very same “______ by default unless otherwise stated” mindset that…
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you’ve heard of asexuals, now get ready for
actually acknowledging the fact that they do not exist as two mutually exclusive groups of people, ie. aromantic asexuals vs (allo)romantic asexuals.
