anon Archives | Page 15 of 29 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “i’m a non-binary person and sometimes i feel weird calling myself bi/pan?”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: so, i’m a non-binary (more specifically trans-masculine) person and sometimes i feel weird calling myself bi/pan? like, i have a hard time figuring out what to call my sexuality, since i feel that many of the labels for sexuality aren’t really designed with nb people in mind. i just… don’t know if you’ve ever had similar feelings? oh definitely, i have felt that way before. in fact, i was at a non-binary meeting yesterday and this was a subject that came up. some people took no issue with bi, while others did. there was talk of how pan was coined in response to (the assumption of) bi being binarist and erasing or exclusionary of non-binary people and how people felt about that. some felt it was a good thing that pan was coined, others had no opinion as they don’t identify as either and were sorely missing the…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…the way mainstream media sexualizes wlw relationships so dramatically is making it really hard for me to figure out…”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi. I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but I’m on the ace spectrum and the way mainstream media sexualizes wlw relationships so dramatically is making it really hard for me to figure everything out. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do I get past it? i can’t speak for anyone else but myself, but at the same time i am fairly certain that many people (ace spectrum or not, woman themself or not) struggle with the hypersexualization of women in general in the media and trying to figure out one’s own feelings in spite of that hypersexualization. however, you’re not just anyone. trying to figure out your feelings in the midst of all this hypersexualization as a woman loving woman (wlw) yourself (or so i assume; apologies if i’m wrong) makes the stuff in the media feel all the more potent and difficult to navigate, i think. wlw…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i’m a little confused why you tagged something as pangender which also has problematic implications…”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: so i was reading your blog and since you are aware of the problematic connotations of third gender i’m a little confused why you tagged something as pangender which also has problematic implications without knowing what post you’re referring to, it’s hard for me to really tell you why i tagged any particular post that way. that said, if i do a tag search on my blog, the last post that i tagged with #pangender was an ask from 2015 in which an anon asked me how i feel about the term pangender, which you may be interested in reading, anon. either way, it’s a given that i would tag that post #pangender, just as i’m going to do with this post. i’m going to assume you ran into some old post of mine from 2014 or older since aside from the aforementioned ask (and the related response posts), that…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Idk if this is a valid thing but I know I love women and I also seem to love nb folks…”

July 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Idk if this is a valid thing but I know I love women and I also seem to love nb folks. I myself am nonbinary so I know they’re real and valid genders and such but there’s always a bit of me that worries that I like women and just want to feel special. Or at least that others will always assume that what you’re feeling is 100% valid, anon. imho, it sounds like you might be struggling with internalized monosexism. the same ignorance, stigma, etc within society that repeatedly tells bi people that they’re really just gay or straight and they’re just doing whatever it is that they’re doing (ie. loving who they love) for attention or to feel special. that they have to pick one gender to love or else they’re being ‘greedy’ or ‘confused’. it’s a large part of what fuels biphobia and many people who…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What do you call my sexuality in this scenario?”

June 29, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey hello hi, so I just recently came to the fact that im attracted physically to men and not sexually, but im attracted to woman physically and sexually. Ive always identified myself as a Lesbian and im confused now cus i found out i feel attracted to men. I DONT wanna do any sexually things with them, NEVER, but i find them attractive? like hardcore. What do you call my sexuality in this scenario? YO and thanks it’s up to you what you call yourself, anon. you could choose to continue to identify as a lesbian if you want to. being a lesbian doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t attracted to men in any way whatsoever, imho. then again, you could also identify as something else if you want to. some people are attracted to different genders in different ways. a woman who is sexually and romantically attracted to women…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels!”

June 29, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels! I identify under both the ace and aro umbrellas, but it’s weird and hard to explain and trying to say I’m bi/pan/poly/etc (even without -romantic) carries that weird connotation that doesn’t fit me. I actually think you just managed to put my feelings into words??? I’m having an epiphany and I need to go think about this more. (re: this post) i know right? i’m also very fond of ‘queer’ as a word and identity and identify strongly with it. sometimes i refer to myself as a ‘queer asexual’ rather than as a ‘bi / pan asexual’ for the sake of brevity and/or to avoid assumptions, depending on the situation and who i’m talking to. whenever i do that, ‘queer’ isn’t acting as a replacement for ‘bi’ or ‘pan’, but rather as yet another…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I have some questions about your YouTube stuff.”

June 28, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey Vesper! I have some questions about your YouTube stuff. Feel free to get to this as you feel like, no rush! What are the biggest differences between discussing LGBT+ stuff on tumblr vs on YouTube? Who are some other LGBT+ vloggers that you enjoy? And do you have any advice you’d give to other people considering vlogging about LGBT+ topics and their identities? hi! i’m flattered that you’re interested in my answer to these questions. apologies in advance for the length and if my responses aren’t even helpful. “What are the biggest differences between discussing LGBT+ stuff on tumblr vs on YouTube?” the big differences between the two platforms make for big differences in the way discussions unfold and how one even goes about initiating a discussion, imho. i feel like it’s much easier to have discussions on Tumblr and the discussions that i have here are…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I think a good translation for お疲れ様 is “Good work”?”

June 27, 2016 /

anonymous said: Ty for your ace posts. I think a good translation for お疲れ様 is “Good work”? as I see that that usually matches most contexts. And also, お疲れ様 to you too for your work on ace activism. I appreciate it. it can be translated as “good work,” definitely. it’s just that that translation still lacks some of the nuances that i wish i could convey in English… sigh! either way, いいえ、こちらこそお疲れ様でした。thanks, but also same to you (and everyone else out there). 🙂

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
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Feedback: “I just want to say I found some of your videos on YouTube and some of them have really resonated with me…”

June 21, 2016 /

anonymous said: I just want to say I found some of your videos on YouTube and some of them have really resonated with me. I’ve always identified as bi, and was identifying as neutrois but sort of on the fence about it being the right term, and upon watching one of your videos awhile ago explaining your experience while identifying as neutrois and why you coined maverique, I’ve started to realize maverique may fit me better as well. So yeah, I just want to say thanks for doing what you do, and say keep doing it! thanks for not only watching my videos, but also for taking the time out of your day to come and send me this really nice message, anon. i appreciate the feedback & encouragement and am honored to hear that my neutrois / maverique video resonated with you. 🙂 keep being awesome yourself!

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I identify as gray-ace, but it feels too vague to me and causes unnecessary worries to my partner…”

June 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper! I identify as gray-ace, but it feels too vague to me and causes unnecessary worries to my partner about pushing me to do things I don’t really want (that never happens). I haven’t been able to find a more specific term. I do feel sexual attraction, so much that it’s obvious to me, but only when I decide I want to feel it in an interaction with someone. Cupio and recipro don’t fit. I call it conveniosexual as a joke because it is convenient, but is there an existing word? …i really hate to say this, but if your partner is concerned about pushing you to do things that you don’t really want to do, it seems unlikely to me that changing your identity would at all be a solution for that. forgive me if i’m out of line for saying this, but i’m doubtful that…

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Vesper H.

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