my idea of productivity at work: introspection and brainstorming topics for future vlogs / blog posts instead of planning the lesson i’m teaching in an hour. ? if i do run with this and make it a vlog / blog post, it’s going to be a beautiful mess i’m sure.
just got back from YouTube Space Tokyo where i attended a 5 hour intensive workshop on the basics of video production…! for those who don’t know (and it seems like not many do), YouTube has created various resources and programs for youtubers (referred to as Creators) both offline and online with perhaps the biggest offline resource being access to YouTube Spaces located around the world. YouTube Spaces feature everything from state of the art recording studios, equipment and editing software to workshops and events. access to these resources is based on the number of subscribers your channel has and if you have over 1k subscribers, you’re welcome to attend certain workshops and events for free. so that’s what i did. this post will be photo heavy.
-※ (continued from here) ….ah, M. i don’t know what to do with you anymore. you’re trying, and i really appreciate that, but… sigh.
…i’d normally limit this to a few whingey tweets on Twitter, but since dad is currently snooping around my social media accounts… might as well be thoroughly whingey on here.
the-shynamites: 今月末に閉店しちゃうらしいです ？？？？ マジか？うっわ、やっばい。マジだ… 2週間前に行ってホンマに良かった… (｡ŏ﹏ŏ) so apparently Gossip, the first LGBT cafe in Tokyo which opened its doors in 2010, will be closing August 31st, 2016… the cafe’s owner, Takita-san, has posted a message in Japanese and English on the cafe’s website… ah, this news makes me really sad…. Gossip is where i’d always go when in Tokyo when i wanted to connect with the local LGBT scene without going to Ni Chome, which has always felt much less accessible to me as someone who doesn’t like bars or clubs… Gossip was where i could casually read LGBT books and magazines over cake or falafel, it’s where LGBT gatherings would be hosted… it was the first LGBT place that i went to in Japan. ahhh, i’m sad….. really sad. i’m glad that i went there 2 weeks ago, but wish i had known then that it’d be my last time going…
as someone who is non-binary but who does not identify as trans, i have a rather complicated relationship with the term and concept of “transitioning” and with trans-specific community, resources, etc in general. this video, a submission to the #NonBinaryYT collaboration project, is about my personal relationship with trans identity, my coming out process, what has and hasn’t changed for me during the 4 years that i’ve identified as non-binary, thoughts on “transitioning” as non-binary and conflicted feelings about rejecting trans identity. ————– TIME POINTS ———— @ 00:00 – Intro: What is #NonBinaryYT? ——– (ie. you should totally participate if you’re non-binary and interested) @ 01:00 – Q1. Do you identify as trans? What does that mean to you? ——– (ie. not identifying as trans and why that is uuggghh) @ 02:58 – Q2. What did coming out for the first time look like for you? ——– (ie. discovering the word…
me: btw, dad kinda sorta found out that i’m non-binary, queer and asexual but i still don’t know exactly how much he even knows or if he even understands what those words mean. and i dont think he knows that you know, but just thought i’d let you know that he kinda sorta knows something in case he comes to you about it. mom: Well he hasn’t said anything. Ok me: if he does mention it to you… let me know? he always talks to you more than he talks to me, so he’ll probably talk to you about it eventually. mom: Maybe. He may think that I will freak out. me: ….to be fair, you did lol… but yeah, he might not come to you because he doesn’t know that you already know. fair enough. but on the off chance that he does, i’d like to know. you dont have to tell me what he says…
thanks everyone for the kind, supportive replies to the above post. it means a lot. <3 as a sort of update… i ended up emailing him (because calling would have been too awkward) and finally, after tap dancing around the issue by joking about him spying on me, we had one of those extremely-rare-between-us conversations about something serious. my dad, a man of relatively few words, caught me totally by surprise. me: i saw you followed me on Twitter using a newer account than the old one that had been following me. trying to get back into Twitter? dad: No I just signed back in to the account. Just never looked at it much. That’s all. Is that why you thought I was spying on you? me: ….i was joking but yes. 😛 dad: No I’m not spying sweetheart. And you’re old enough to feel how you want. I’ll always be…
………that feel when you walk into the staff room in between teaching classes, check your phone and see notifications on Twitter from your dad. your dad, who you’re in no way out to because you barely even talk to him. on Twitter, where one look at your profile totally outs you and links to your extremely personal and queer as all fuck YouTube channel. so not panicking. SO NOT PANICKING. been outted to a parent by social media before. it’s not like i wasn’t prepared for this to happen eventually. it’s not like i haven’t secretly been wanting this to happen because i didn’t feel like actually coming out to him directly. NO PROBLEM. so like…. do i call him now or what because he literally only calls me when there’s been an earthquake or some other disaster (or near disaster) in Japan. that, or it’s my birthday. ……..ugggghh. fucking…
content warning: non-graphic description of a questionable consent situation; non-graphic talk of sex, rape & trauma; self-gaslighting. this is the third and final post in a series of posts in which i’m writing about my personal experiences with sexual abuse / violence and consent issues. the first post on sexual abuse / violence can be found here. the second post on consent issues and asexuality can be found here. this post is about something that happened during a past relationship in which consent is / was questionable and the ramifications of it. consent. not a topic that i’m at all well informed about, but about which i’m writing a lot at the moment as i attempt to unpack and navigate things from my past that i have up until this point avoided doing. as i mentioned in my previous post, i’ve been in two long-term relationships spanning 9 years in total, 5…
