[A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

WHINGE: navigating セクマイ stuff

…i’d normally limit this to a few whingey tweets on Twitter, but since dad is currently snooping around my social media accounts… might as well be thoroughly whingey on here.

woke up this morning to a message from a Japanese friend who messages me every few months to invite me to an event for lesbians. we’ve known each other for…. going on 2 years now? she knows i’m a bi / pan ace. she knows i’m non-binary. i’ve literally sat her down and explained all this to her at one point (and maybe it’s worth doing it again because that was over a year ago now), but she keeps inviting me to these women-only and / or explicitly lesbian events… which, truth be told, comprise of 90% of queer (would say “LGBT” but it’s almost only the “L” isn’t it?! at least “queer” is vaguer and thus less of an overt lie?) events in my area, so that’s not even her fault, honestly…. anyway, every time i decline to go explaining that i either don’t feel right going to such an event or would flat out be uncomfortable going to such an event for X / Y / Z reason. more than once her response has been something to the effect of “it’s fine, don’t worry!”, “is it really that important?”, “i think it’d be fine, but ok…”

today she messaged me inviting me to a “lesbian night” that a local bar is apparently hosting the weekend after next.

me: (trying to strike a balance between the roundabout thing that Japanese people do while at the same time being upfront about how i feel) “lesbian night” means it’s a women’s only night, right….? i don’t want to intrude on a women-only space…. but it seems like i cant ever go to any event with you without that happening…. ahhh, what to do…. (・_・;)

she replied to my blabber with a simple “let’s (just) go. (^^” and i’m sitting here all whingey during my lunch break because ugghh. she always responds to things as if the answer is simple because it probably is for her, even though for me it never is….

truth be told, i am curious. a lesbian night at a local bar in this little town? interesting. i’m also just generally curious what a lesbian night would be like and i was being truthful when i said that i would like to do more stuff with her, but everything here is always so goddamn gendered and shit that it feels like if i never compromise, i’ll never get to go to any local events with or without her… at the same time, i really do not want to enter a women-only space as someone who isn’t a woman, nor do i want to enter a space that will result in me automatically being misgendered as a woman… a space that i wouldn’t even be allowed into if i weren’t an obviously AFAB person (which in and of itself makes me feel ugh)…

ugh. ugh. uggghhh….

….it’s so goddamn frustrating how something like this can be so simple for her but so incredibly complicated for me. why can’t anything ever be simple for me…? u_u;

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.


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