[Random] Thoughts,  Queer[ness]

This Is Fine.

in 2015, i wrote a random, word vomit of a post about being “WhenTheStarsAlignHyperRo[mantic]” while offhandedly reflecting back on what little ‘data’ i had to work off of in trying to figure out my own experience of romantic attraction (or lack thereof). it was the first second (in so far as i remember) time i had questioned not being (allo)romantic outside of my head (& journal) while shrugging off identifying as being on the aromantic spectrum.

after that post, i went back to keeping my random thoughts on the topic to myself for a while for various reasons, one of which being the fact that there wasn’t any new ‘data’ coming in for me to have gleaned anything new with which i could progress such random thoughts, so what would’ve been the point?

i mean, such thoughts had been fueled by nothing more than faint memories of stale emotions from years gone by even then, so. yeah.

years later, equipped with ‘feels’ that i have seemingly never had to navigate before and subsequent ‘data’ that is fresh off the press, i can’t help but take notice of the fact that now, much more so than ever, i have zero fucks to give about finding a prefix / orientation with which to put a name to my experiences and / or identity– despite the irony of there probably being a word for such experiences now whereas there hadn’t been before.

instead of having random thoughts along the lines of “am i grayro / demiro…?”, i now have random thoughts along the lines of “ogod, have i…. become a clichè??”

“This Is Fine” by KC Green

and let me tell you that having such thoughts is not a kind thing for my brain to be doing to me, because it’s like jumping out of a pan and into a fire while simultaneously having zero fucks to give that you are in said fire.

just silent, inexplicable feels as the room fills with carbon dioxide.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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