meh Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Queer[ness]

re: “aromantic relationships” and marriage as “the New Platonic Ideal”

December 7, 2016 / No Comments

minamina0013: queerascat: minamina0013: queerascat: …as much as i love this thread of posts in theory, my tired ass can’t help but sit here wondering why anyone need even get married at all to do or have any of the above things, the few actual legal matters that were mentioned aside. also, this uplifting of “aromantic relationships” and marriage as “the New Platonic Ideal” feels incredibly uncomfortable… @queerascat I agree I think a lot of those things could be achieved by simply being roommates. It’s pretty funny that what they’re dubbing as “the New Platonic Ideal” already has a name, it’s called “friendship”. Aromantic relationships could be called friendships if that’s how you want to label it but personally as an aro I would consider a relationship with another aro as queer platonic. Our relationship may not be romantic but I wouldn’t say that my QPP(s) and I are just ‘friends’ who…

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Vesper H.

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When The World Doesn’t Know You Exist: Coming Out As Non-Binary

Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

Huffpost: “When The World Doesn’t Know You Exist: Coming Out As Non-Binary”

October 30, 2016 / No Comments

Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realise that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely […] the blog post that i wrote for Ditch The Label…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 54 – Confusing Gender Envy & Admiration with Attraction || Non-Binary | Asexual

October 10, 2016 / No Comments

it’s come to my attention recently that some feelings that i assummed were attraction may have not been attraction at all, but rather “gender envy” or “gender admiration”– feelings of admiration or envy towards someone else’s gender be it their self-expression, gender identity, (lack of) gender roles or socially imposed gender norms– anything pertaining to a person’s gender. never heard of gender envy or gender admiration before…? i’m not surprised, since i just pulled the terms out of my ass for lack of a better way of referring to these gender feels that i’m attempting to navigate. as someone who’s both non-binary and asexual i feel like both of these things have played a part in me mistaking gender envy / admiration for attraction. this is something that i’m just now beginning to give thought to, so please bear with me as i stumble around trying to talk about things.…

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Vesper H.

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adventures in Japanese TV: “haafu”

September 1, 2016 / No Comments

aaahhh, more annoying Japanese TV. despite what i said (in Japanese) while letting off steam livetweeting on Twitter, i know it’s not fair of me to expect anyone, let alone this guy (Jun Soejima, an actor / “talent” btw), to react any certain way or educate the people around him on behalf of other black people in Japan. i really don’t actually expect that or anything else of him, despite my whining, but it does admittedly annoy me when people on Japanese TV just laugh off some really shitty, problematic stuff that people say or do to them, be it re: racial issues, trans issues, or anything else. they’re in a difficult situation and have all kind of things to consider when they react to something, whereas i can huff and puff at the TV saying all the choice words i like without consequence. i get that…. but meh. it was…

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Vesper H.

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Pulse.

June 13, 2016 / No Comments

…as if dealing with the news itself and the media’s handling of it isn’t enough, i’m going to have to go through the week (and for however long after) listening to lots of opinions and commentary on the event that i would really rather do without, all while keeping my own feelings and opinion in check because, you know. that’s the nature of my job. somehow i’m going to have to muster up the energy to up my game with my Everything’s Okay face this week. …i’m exhausted already just thinking about it. ugh.

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts

sigh.

February 24, 2016 / No Comments

…so now i’m being accused of “attacking the [alterous] community as a whole” because i pointed out the overlapping usage of two concepts/terms and expressed concern over how things are being worded/conceived by some people while being “non aro” and “non alterous”. great. i love how the responsibility is being put on me to go to their askboxes and explain my feelings / view and that i’m being faulted for expressing my feelings on my own blog without coming to them personally instead. as if i have the time or responsibility to go to the askboxes of blogs every time i feel some kinda way about something. and then when one of them does reach out to me privately, there’s more ‘you’re not aro so stop talking.’ all of that aside, i do not understand how they are unable to see how off-putting they’re being. if i was at all leaning towards using alterous for…

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Vesper H.

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on today’s episode of #ConversationsWithMom….!

November 28, 2015 / No Comments

….so i just had another one of those crazy conversations with my mom (and my sister who was eavesdropping and repeatedly butting in) about sexuality that stemmed from her finally watching a documentary that i’d sent her about LGBTQ people in the black church. i mean seriously, it lasted over an hour and was all over damn place, so i’m not going to try to rehash what was actually said, but the highlights were: mom is still of the mindset that sexual orientation is a choice. she refuses to distinguish between sexual attraction (i used the word “chemistry” with her because she seemed to get that) and sexual behavior/actions one decides to take (or not take). ugh. both mom and my sister think that “everyone is bisexual” because everyone could choose to have sex with someone of the same gender if they wanted to. bi erasure runs in my family, apparently. mom…

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Vesper H.

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comments on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video.

November 26, 2015 / No Comments

had ignored this user’s original comment on my “QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like” video for weeks but couldn’t let it go uncommented on any longer after waking up to their most recent comment. i’m sick with a cold and unable to even think clearly, so it’s likely that i flew off the handle or said something in a way that could have been said better, but i tried. really am too sick and tired and anxious in general to deal with shit like this…. and while i obviously made no effort to hide the names of the users who commented (i mean, the comments are public and easily findable on the video anyway), i’m not posting this here for anyone to attack the commenter. please don’t, although you’re free to join in on the convo if you want. i’m 100% done with it. …now to take…

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Vesper H.

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one of those days.

April 2, 2015 / No Comments

today was another one of those days. after showering i looked in the mirror. why did i do that?? i knew what i’d see and how it’d make me feel. then i spent 2.5 hours doing my hair, only to have to fight the urge to cut it once i was done. again. i love my hair and yet i don’t. no one would dare try to talk me out of cutting it once i told them how it’s so heavy that it gives me headaches when i wear it in a pony tail to keep it out of the way for a prolonged period of time, or how it hurts my neck while washing it because it becomes so heavy with water; how i go through so much product that is expensive to import and how it takes 10hrs to fully dry, which sucks all kinds of hell in…

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Vesper H.

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spotted: LGBT 101 on Japanese TV

February 21, 2015 / 1 Comment

there i was, doing stuff on my computer completely ignoring my tv when i look up to some celeb guessing at what LGBT stands for, saying stupid shit like B stands for ばあちゃん/grannies and T stands for 父ちゃん/daddies to be funny. i only got my phone out in time to take photos during the 1 minute that was spent talking about the subject seriously in which the guy “educating” the panel of celebs talked about how approximately 5% of people in Japan are LGBT, about bullying in schools, about coming out and about how to respond if someone comes out to you. seriously 日テレ. it’s great that you spent 1 minute educating people, but you also spent 1 minute making light of the subject. not good enough.

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Vesper H.

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