literal “social distancing” from the ace community
at the time of writing this, the date is March 31st, 2020: just over 2 months since the first case of COVID-19 in America was confirmed...
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QAC 68 – 3 Months on T: Libido Changes || Non-Binary | Asexual || The T Files #007
a little over three months later, the changes that i’m experiencing on 100mg / 2 weeks of injectible testosterone are seemingly more subtle than they were starting out… or perhaps that’s just me being less hyperaware of every single little thing now compared to in the beginning when every single little thing was Amaze and OMG. there’s only so long a person can maintain such hyperawareness of their own body before the hyperawareness itself becomes exhausting, you know? either way, noticeable changes are still happening and in this episode of The T Files i talk about weight gain, changing personal hygiene, higher body temperature, changes in libido and related Asexy Feels along with The Much TMI, So WTF topic of genitalia shiz. and now, stay tuned for an advertisement from our sponsors– Starbucks! bringing Quality Video Descriptions born out of sleep deprivation, fueled by the remnants of our grande Caramel…
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QAC 67 – 2 Months on HRT || Testosterone | Anemia | Non-Binary || The T Files #006
looking back over the past month, it feels like quite a bit has happened: minor voice changes, chest “deflation”, libido reincarnation and the beginnings of facial hair growth?! to name just a few. however, none of those things hold a candle to the unexpected health benefits that i’ve experienced since starting T as someone who is anemic. maybe staying on T long-term wouldn’t be such a bad idea after all…..? cue melodramatic music, but not really.
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conversation with Mr. Psychiatrist: その②
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
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on coming out to my psychiatrist
※ cw: dysphoria, genitalia mention ….so, in typical me fashion, i ended up coming out as non-binary to my psychiatrist the other day. i’d had no intention of coming out to him, but at the same time i had no intention of making any effort to not come out to him, so. *shrugs* i’d already come out to him as queer / bi / ace during my first appointment, so i already had some means of gauging what his reaction might be like. also, this is the same guy who is overly focused on “results” and “remission” to the point of being laughable / uncomfortable at times, so i already had reservations about the guy from the start.
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QAC 57 – Depression and Anxiety, meet Antidepressants | Sertraline | Mental Health
for over 15 years i’ve struggled with Depression and Anxiety without therapy or medical intervention for numerous reasons, but having had Depression and Anxiety mop the floor with my ass for the past several months, i’ve finally bitten the bullet and sought out help in the form of antidepressants. in this video, i talk about my recent bout with depression and anxiety, my first psychiatric appointment and my first week on antidepressants. don’t want to watch the whole thing? don’t blame you, i’m longwinded as fuck. here are some jump points: ?00:31 – deteriorating mental health ?06:16 – first psychiatric appointment ?11:03 – antidepressants: the bad ?16:42 – antidepressants: the good …so this happened.
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anemia & medical misgendering
…really frustrated with how i can’t say that i’m anemic without people in general– but especially doctors– automatically relating my anemia to the assumed fact that i have a uterus that makes my life hell once a month. like seriously, could you not? the socially established association of a medical condition with a specific gender, with a specific sex, with a specific bodily function is so inescapable that as an AFAB person who’s assumed to be a woman, the second i mention being anemic to a doctor their thoughts automatically go to assumptions about my gender / sex / bodily functions and my anemia immediately gets chalked up to anemia due to blood loss. so inescapable that here in Japan at least iron supplements are often marketed specifically towards women. so inescapable that if i mention being anemic to a woman and she’ll immediately offer up earnest words of empathy…
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BLAQUEER: a self-care attempt
January 1st, 2017: an attempt at being more “active” about my own well-being à la microblogging finally gets off the ground. i’ve been thinking about making something like this for myself for a while, but have always dragged my feet about it. BLAQUEER will be devoted to any and everything that i find helpful for myself personally re: navigating queerness, mental health and self-care as a black person. at the moment, i envision that as including, but not being limited to: photos, artwork, etc of queer black people existing: because goddamnit, be it on Tumblr or out in the world at large, i never see that without actively search for it. i want a place where i can see people like me existing without having to hunt for it each time. i also want to curate what i see because i’m tired of wading through hypersexualization / hypermasculinzation when i do hunt…
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on perpetual exhaustion
that feel when someone asks you how you are and you respond saying that you’re “tired”, knowing full well that they’ll take what you said differently from how you meant it. but that’s okay. because you’re fucking tired. you don’t have the energy to do anything about their understanding of the word anyway. hell, you yourself may not even know what kind of tired you are that day. are you depressed tired? are you anemic tired? are you queer tired? are you gaslighted tired? are you black tired? are you expat tired? are you anxious tired? are you one of the Many Other Kinds of tired? are you All Of The Above And More tired? ah yes, that’s right. you are a unique concoction of All The Above And More tired, further compounded upon by having to persevere through life as if you aren’t actually tired at all. when life…
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ARTICLE: “Why Transgender People In Japan Prefer To Be Told They Have A “Disorder””
content warning: pathologization / medicalization of being trans; non-binary erasure; death mention (below) while i don’t agree with everything in this article (from how things are presented or worded to more factual things), this article is still representative of the sad truth that i’m continually navigating as a non-binary person in Japan. from the way that trans people themselves here actively embrace and rally behind Gender Identity Disorder (GID) not only as a medical condition but as an identity to how pathologized & medicalized literally everything surrounding being trans is here and how that can make things especially difficult for non-binary / Xジェンダー people, even when interacting with people in the trans community which is full of transmedicalism. the blatant non-binary erasure (dare i say enbyphobia) demonstrated by the head of the largest trans / GID organization in this country illustrates that perfectly in this article. “I reject the notion of…
