i’ve never identified as a feminist and yet when it came to questioning my gender identity i somehow felt guilty for wanting to identify as anything other than my assigned gender, ie female. was i betraying myself? someone else? women everywhere?? i guess my relationship with feminism was and will always be more complicated than i’d thought. surely it’s not just me?
…it’s really depressing thinking about all the money i’m going to have to save up and then spend just to do away with something that i don’t need nor want. …and then it’s depressing thinking about all the people out there who’d love to have this thing that i don’t need/want. SIGH.
while randomly watching videos on YouTube i came across the vlog of a Japanese FtX (their words, not mine) person. i was so happy that i immediately started typing a comment introducing myself, but when it came to saying that i’m neutrois i couldn’t figure out how to say it. see, Japanese kind of sucks…. there is no word to distinguish between SEX and GENDER– the both equate to 性 (sei). i dare say that the entire concept of gender vs sex is lacking in Japan, but that’s a topic for another time. i thought that maybe neutrois could be translated as 無性者 (museisha; literally translates to “person without sex/gender”) but apparently that’s used to mean asexual! wtffffff….. so then i thought that maybe i could say 中立性者 (chuuritsuseisha), which literally translates to “neutral person” but apparently 中立性 (chuuritsusei) is used in regards to having a neutral stance on any given thing and so wouldn’t really be used specifically for gender despite 性 (sei)…
many people use the word “queer” to describe or label their identity in regards to their sexuality and/or their gender. it’s a word that references the heteronormativity within society and expresses the fact that one identifies as being outside of or beyond such normativity… but is the word queer strictly limited to that? i have a feeling that this topic may bring about very strong opinions in some people… please be gentle! i’m genuinely curious. …better late than never? ;(
choosing a new name is really hard for anyone, but it seems especially hard choosing a gender neutral name. for one, is any name ever truly gender neutral…? there’s so much that goes into gendering a name that i think it’s impossible to really say. either way, because i’m so picky i find myself with very few options to choose from…
sorry for the long video and please do note that everything i said in the video is purely my opinion based on my experiences etc. i don’t claim to be an expert on anything…! and i totally forgot to mention how obviously i have to keep my gender under wraps during all of this being abroad business. i have to check “female” under “gender” on forms, if anyone asks i’m female, if anyone acts on the assumption that i’m female, i can’t disagree with them, etc etc. le sigh. sorry for being M.I.A. lately…! will try to do better. ;(
in this video i talk about how my anatomy (biology) affects my gender presentation/the clothing i wear. as a short, FAAB (female assigned at birth) neutrois person who dresses androgynously, shopping for clothes has always been a problem….
in this video i talk about how i’ve come to the conclusion that i won’t ever be coming out to my mom. at least, not intentionally.
i think that dealing with dysphoria is all about owning the situation– taking control of the things that you do have at least some control over and doing what makes you happy. for me at the moment, that involves getting a septum piercing. 😛 i happen to like certain body mods, but body mods aren’t for everyone.
my (humble) opinion on many pansexual’s and panromantic’s use of the term “genderblind” and why such a term is highly problematic, plus brief comments re: DOMA.
