the ‘Sin City’ asexual
sometimes i think about how growing up in Las Vegas has affected me. usually this is triggered by something reminding me that growing up listening to house & trance music on the radio isn't exactly common, or when i happen to have an occasion-- for whatever reason-- to question my own apparent insensitivity to public displays of nudity, sexual innuendo, etc. even when it comes to more mundane things...
a 1.5 hour conversation with a random Nigirian
…soooo, i just had a 1.5 hour conversation with a random Nigirian guy at Starbucks and i need to let off some steam. so, as you’d predict, i met random Nigirian guy completely randomly when i got off a train one night after work and he came chasing after me to strike up a conversation. me being the overly nice person that i am who finds it hard to say “i’m tired, go away.” ended up engaged in a short conversation with him. he seemed like a nice enough guy and i couldn’t help but feel for his situation of being the sole non-Japanese person at his workplace and not having anyone to talk to because he can’t speak Japanese. when he asked to keep in touch after i finally got up the nerve to tell him i had to go i obliged, although i knew well enough by now not to…
Q&A: “on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating…”
my-minds-matters: queerascat: anonymous said: I just had a eureka moment when looking at your recent reblog of a post on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating… As an aro ace, the whole “love” angle is definitely implicitly exclusionary. The core of my being aro ace is that I DON’T love anyone That Way, and community rhetoric consistently fails to reflect that. Not to mention that I find the “twoo wuv” thing eye-roll-inducing at times. Your thoughts? ( re: this post ) i agree that in addition to ignoring, excluding and / or alienating trans and non-binary people, as pointed out in the OP, such rhetoric also ignores, excludes and alienates those for whom “love” (be it in the traditional, romantic sense or at all) is not a thing– or at least, is not The Thing that defines their connection to the LGBTQIA community. such rhetoric posits love…
QAC 58 – Escaping Womanhood || Non-Binary | AFAB | Internalized Misogyny
as a non-binary person who was deemed to be female at birth, i have struggled all my life with what others consider to be my “womanhood”. when women have fought so hard to progress gender equality to where it is today, asserting that there is no wrong way to be a woman because women can do and be anything– juxtaposed against the continual struggle of trans women and some non-binary people just to have their womanhood recognized and respected– it is incredibly hard not to see my own rejection of womanhood as anything other than internalized misogyny. it certainly doesn’t help that society in general, but women especially, are often more than happy to write off my gender as being nothing more than internalized misogyny. i mean, given how awesome women are but how misogynistic society is, obviously any disconnect i feel with womanhood must be a result of internalized…
Q&A: “So I got a very flirty personality. My flirting however is I’d say 90% non sexual…”
songsandtimetravel said: Ok. So I got a very flirty personality. My flirting however is I’d say 90% non sexual, and the other 10% is with the people I feel a mutual sexual “connection” with. I know that my friendliness have been confused with sexual attraction before with non-ace people. I love my personality but as I get more involved with the queer and non binary community I get get to know more Ace-people too, and I don’t want to come off as overly sexual or make them uncomfortable.Got any thoughts on what I can do? sorry for taking so long getting back to you. not sure if you even still want to hear my thoughts, but… i think that the situation that you’ve found yourself in is reflective of an overarching problem within society as a whole rather than being reflective of a problem with flirting or your personality.…
♫ 関取花「べつに」 / Hana Sekitori – “Betsu ni”
a friend just sent me this song and it is the funniest, most Japanese– yet simultaneously universal song ever about coming across public displays of affection as a single person and being annoyed about it. thought i’d share. lol translated lyrics below.
Q&A: “I was wondering if you’re ok with people calling you “doll”, “darling” or “sweetheart”?”
anonymous said: Hii, I really love your videos(: I’m so glad I found your channel, it really helped me come to terms with my romantic orientation(aromantic) & I was wondering if you’re ok with people calling you “doll”, “darling” or “sweetheart”? Some people think it’s gender specific, like for females. I personally don’t think so, but I wanna know what you think(: hi, anon. thanks for watching my videos and for the kind message. i really appreciate it. 🙂 generally speaking, i think that there’s a lot that goes into how any person feels about being referred to by any given “pet name” (term of endearment). as you’ve noted, a term can feel gender neutral to you while at the same time feeling gendered to someone else. neither person is necessarily right or wrong, of course. as i said, a lot– everything from culture to dialect, past experiences to historical…
Q&A: “The term platonic attraction confuses me. Is it somehow different from what people usually think of as friendship?”
anonymous said: The term platonic attraction confuses me. Is it somehow different from what people usually think of as friendship? Does it mean someone you would want to be in a queerplatonic with? you’re far from the only one who’s confused by the term “platonic attraction”, anon. imho, such confusion and misunderstanding is partially to blame for why some people are quick to make light of terms like “panplatonic”, “aplatonic”, etc. such confusion and misunderstanding is also part of the reason why some people prefer to use other terms instead. the word “platonic” is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as referring to “a close relationship in which there is no romance or sex.” that said, historically the word and its usage used to be far more nuanced than it often is in modern society. there are literally an infinite number of ways in which a close relationship without romance (with or without sex) could manifest…
Q&A not Q&A: “maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality…”
anonymous said: maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality / the fact that they were raised to be available to men? I have a similar problem – logically I don’t CARE if men find me attractive, and yet I can’t stop fretting over not being “acceptable” to them. I don’t have this problem with other people even though men are the group I’m actually least interested in. I hate this and I’m trying to let go of this feeling, but it’s hard. (re: this post) that thought occurred to me, but i didn’t want to make assumptions about anon’s gender or even their AGAB, so i erred on the side of giving general commentary with that ask. but yeah, internalized heteronormativity and compulsory heterosexuality is definitely a thing that many people struggle with and anon may also be struggling with. it’s social programming that can be extremely difficult to…
Q&A: “I think I’m a cis girl but I’ve discovered that I don’t mind if someone would call me by other pronouns…”
anonymous said: Hey 🙂 I think I’m a cis girl but I’ve discovered that I don’t mind if someone would call me by other pronouns than she/her or call me a dude or something. On some days I feel more masculine and I feel more feminine. Is that “normal”? i’m a strong believer in there being no such thing as “normal” and that what most people consider to be “normal” is really just “common”, but anyway… is that common among cis girls? i’m afraid that i have no idea. based on what i’ve heard, i wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon. then again, i’d also like to point out that whether it’s common or not says nothing about your gender anyway. everyone, regardless of whether they’re cis, trans and / or non-binary, has their own unique relationship with and feelings about the language used to refer to them and how they feel about their…
