family Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Gender[queer], Queer[ness], YouTube[r]

QAC 72 – Outted To Religious Mom: 4 Years Later | HRT | Non-Binary Relationship || #ItGetsBetter?

September 18, 2018 / No Comments

in 2014, YouTube outted me to my mom and she’s struggled to understand, let alone accept my sexuality and gender ever since. four years later, things are still touch-and-go when mom finds out that i’m on testosterone and in what she perceives to be a “lesbian relationship”… does her head implode yet again? #ItGetsBetter, they said. well, at this point i have zero fucks to give either way, buuttt i made this #LifeUpdate / #StoryTime video for you anyway. consider this me being ‘officially’ back from being MIA / AFK, i suppose.

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Vesper H.

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one step forward, zero steps back?

November 26, 2017 / No Comments

so, after going to an appointment with my psychiatrist and blabbering about how much being around my family fucks me up whenever i go “home” for the holidays, which i’d be doing in less than a month’s time, causing him to be like “but what if you relapse??? consider upping your meds before you go???” and me being like “at least i’m on meds at all this time around so lolololol nah”– i felt the need to just…. really DO something yesterday. so i did the something. and the something will happen 4realz for realz tomorrow. so yeah, Anxiety word vomit blogging at 9:35pm at Starbucks. over the past three weeks or so i’ve been emailing a clinic that had been recommended to me by a friend re: starting HRT. after three weeks of no response to said emails, i decided to sneak out of work yesterday (because the clinic is seemingly only…

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Vesper H.

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Re: Q&A not Q&A: “There’s a shoutout to you…”

November 15, 2017 / No Comments

queerascat: i was not, but i am now. thanks! *goes to Facebook* *thanks the artist* *sends the comic to mom* *waits for usual passive aggressive remar– goes to bed instead* did i call it or what? of course she went the route of trying to guilt me for the fact that she bought me tickets ‘home’ for the holidays, despite the fact that she knows good and well that i don’t exactly want to ‘come home’ for the holidays to begin with. “…come home to see the family that you love–” lolololol look at that sarcasm right there. so passive. much aggressive. such my life.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I wanted to ask if there were any gender neutral ways to imply that someone is your child that isn’t the word “child”…”

August 24, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper! First off i’d like to say that you’re amazing and very inspirational to me :). I wanted to ask if there were any gender neutral ways to imply that someone is your child that isn’t the word “child”. As an adult that prefers neutral pronouns, I don’t find it fitting for my parents to refer to me as a child. How would you prefer your parents to refer to you in that circumstance? hello, anon. thank you for the kind words. 🙂 personally, even though i’m an adult, i don’t particularly mind being referred to as “child” so long as it’s within the context of a relationship between a parent and their offspring. unlike “kid” which would really rub me the wrong way regardless of who’s using it in what context, “child” when used by my parents in reference to me feels more about me being their offspring then…

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Vesper H.

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random convo with mom #1996

August 13, 2016 / No Comments

me: btw, dad kinda sorta found out that i’m non-binary, queer and asexual but i still don’t know exactly how much he even knows or if he even understands what those words mean. and i dont think he knows that you know, but just thought i’d let you know that he kinda sorta knows something in case he comes to you about it. mom: Well he hasn’t said anything. Ok me: if he does mention it to you… let me know? he always talks to you more than he talks to me, so he’ll probably talk to you about it eventually. mom: Maybe. He may think that I will freak out. me: ….to be fair, you did lol… but yeah, he might not come to you because he doesn’t know that you already know. fair enough. but on the off chance that he does, i’d like to know. you dont have to tell me what he says…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you have any tips for dealing with an unsupportive family?”

August 10, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Do you have any tips for dealing with an unsupportive family? See, I came out as nb/pan awhile ago and while they weren’t happy they weren’t bad about it. However, me and my father got into a massive fight in which he yelled at me that he’ll never see me as anything other than my agab, and a whole litany of other homophobic and transphobic comments. I haven’t been talking to him because it’s far too painful to do so, but now my mother says I’ve rejected him and am causing too much tension and that I’m tearing the family apart, and that I need to get over it because I’m being selfish. How do I smooth things over with my family, because I don’t want to tear my family apart, and look after myself at the same time? This situation is causing a lot of mental strain.…

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Vesper H.

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re: …outted again?

August 10, 2016 / No Comments

thanks everyone for the kind, supportive replies to the above post. it means a lot. <3 as a sort of update… i ended up emailing him (because calling would have been too awkward) and finally, after tap dancing around the issue by joking about him spying on me, we had one of those extremely-rare-between-us conversations about something serious. my dad, a man of relatively few words, caught me totally by surprise. me: i saw you followed me on Twitter using a newer account than the old one that had been following me. trying to get back into Twitter? dad: No I just signed back in to the account. Just never looked at it much. That’s all. Is that why you thought I was spying on you? me: ….i was joking but yes. 😛 dad: No I’m not spying sweetheart. And you’re old enough to feel how you want. I’ll always be…

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Vesper H.

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…one of many examples of why navigating セクマイ / LGBTQIA spaces in Japan can be painful at times.
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…outted again?

August 8, 2016 / No Comments

………that feel when you walk into the staff room in between teaching classes, check your phone and see notifications on Twitter from your dad. your dad, who you’re in no way out to because you barely even talk to him. on Twitter, where one look at your profile totally outs you and links to your extremely personal and queer as all fuck YouTube channel. so not panicking. SO NOT PANICKING. been outted to a parent by social media before. it’s not like i wasn’t prepared for this to happen eventually. it’s not like i haven’t secretly been wanting this to happen because i didn’t feel like actually coming out to him directly. NO PROBLEM. so like…. do i call him now or what because he literally only calls me when there’s been an earthquake or some other disaster (or near disaster) in Japan. that, or it’s my birthday. ……..ugggghh. fucking…

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Vesper H.

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on semi-hiatus (12/21 – 01/02)

December 22, 2015 / No Comments

as of today today 12/22/2015 this blog is on a semi-hiatus until 01/02/2016. i’m currently sitting in an airport about to fly back to The States for the first time in 2 years. i’ll be staying with family for 9 days and, for those who don’t know, things have been pretty rough with my family recently and over the past 2 years… it will be my first time back “home” since being outted // coming out, so my nerves are on edge at the moment… i’m not really in the best headspace to be focusing on this Tumblr right now, sadly. i will post the text version of my latest vlog, as promised, once i get to America. i will also still be checking out my dashboard and liking posts for future reblogging, but unless something is urgent or time sensitive, i won’t be posting to this blog beyond that until…

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Vesper H.

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on today’s episode of #ConversationsWithMom….!

November 28, 2015 / No Comments

….so i just had another one of those crazy conversations with my mom (and my sister who was eavesdropping and repeatedly butting in) about sexuality that stemmed from her finally watching a documentary that i’d sent her about LGBTQ people in the black church. i mean seriously, it lasted over an hour and was all over damn place, so i’m not going to try to rehash what was actually said, but the highlights were: mom is still of the mindset that sexual orientation is a choice. she refuses to distinguish between sexual attraction (i used the word “chemistry” with her because she seemed to get that) and sexual behavior/actions one decides to take (or not take). ugh. both mom and my sister think that “everyone is bisexual” because everyone could choose to have sex with someone of the same gender if they wanted to. bi erasure runs in my family, apparently. mom…

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Vesper H.

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