coming out Archives | Page 2 of 4 | Queer As Cat

When The World Doesn’t Know You Exist: Coming Out As Non-Binary

Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

Huffpost: “When The World Doesn’t Know You Exist: Coming Out As Non-Binary”

October 30, 2016 / No Comments

Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realise that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely […] the blog post that i wrote for Ditch The Label…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I feel like im going to cry I told my mom im ace…”

October 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I feel like im going to cry I told my mom im ace by saying it casually sorta in a convo, she said no im not and said when I go back to the doc (my anxiety/psychologist doc) she would bring it up and “fix me” im frustrated and Sad sorry for venting? a million and one internet hugs, anon, if that’s something you’re okay with. i’m really sorry your mom responded in such a horrible way. she obviously doesn’t even understand what it is that you told her or how much trust you’d put in her in deciding to even tell her at all… i hope that your doctor is more educated on the subject of (a)sexuality than your mom is and realizes that a person’s sexuality is not something that can be or even need be “fixed.” either way, i sincerely hope that your mom starts putting…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 55 – Older Asexuals: Coming Out Later In Life | Questioning | Trauma

October 23, 2016 / No Comments

happy Asexual Awareness Week! last year for AAW i made this video in support of younger aces. this year i’m putting the focus on older aces, because i genuinely feel like the asexual community in general does not do enough to raise awareness of and support for aces who older than the majority of the more visible, active ace community at present. this video is first and foremost a positivity video that hopes to offer words of encouragement to older aces, but i also try to bring light to the unique things that older aces may face, including the desexualization of older people, the taboo of sexuality as an older person & how older aces may struggle with reconciling asexual identity with the identity(/ies) that they already had for years prior to discovering the word “asexual.” i also touch upon things that one may find relevant regardless of age, such…

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Vesper H.

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"Gender is a Much More Beautifully Complex Thing Than Society Would Have You Believe"- Ditch the Label

Gender[queer], Queer[ness]

“Gender is a Much More Beautifully Complex Thing Than Society Would Have You Believe”- Ditch the Label

October 18, 2016 / No Comments

Life would be easier if it came with a guidebook. If it did, maybe it wouldn’t have taken me 27 years to realize that I didn’t actually have to subscribe to society’s assertion that everyone is either male or female. At the very least, ripping the book to shreds in a fit of rage would have made for great stress relief. Then again, had there been such a book I probably wouldn’t have grown up to be the person that I am today and I wouldn’t change that for the world. Hello, my name’s Vesper. I’m a 31 year old non-binary person who’s here today to tell you that gender is a much more beautifully complex thing than society would have you believe. That some people, such as myself, are neither male nor female but a different gender(s) entirely. […] when @ditchthelabel, an international anti-bullying charity, approached me about writing…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it…”

October 16, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I want to come out to my friend, but I just don’t know the words for it. I think she already knows, but I want to confirm it and then talk about it, because I’m tried of being alone. Any advice, vesper? i don’t know if this would work for you, anon, but… since you suspect that your friend may already know, perhaps you could go off of that and just casually slip it into a random conversation instead of making it a serious conversation specifically about you coming out? by that i mean that if an even vaguely related topic just happened to came up, you could say something like “well, being ______ and all, i feel like….” or “you know, i must be ____ as hell because i totally…..” or some other casual way of mentioning your sexuality / gender / etc phrased in a way that implies…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real…”

October 12, 2016 / No Comments

Kat said: Hi Kat again & thank u for responding & may I ask how can I tell my friend im ace she doesn’t really believe ace is real she’s accepting to most things but Idk if I should tell her cuz in a few days she’s taking me on blind date so I can get “laid” there are lots different ways that you can come out to your friend, from sitting her down and having a serious conversation about it with her to waiting for the right opportunity in a conversation to just offhandedly mention it to coming out in an even more creative way. what would work best when coming out to your friend is up to you since you know your relationship with her better than anyone else. as for whether or not to come out to her, if you don’t feel comfortable with coming out to…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual.”

October 12, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey vesper i need some advice, whenever I bring up that I’m ace I have a friend who talks about how much harder they’re life is then asexuals bc they’re bisexual. They say asexuals are only oppressed bc they can’t have a significant other bc they don’t want sex. I’ve told them I’m insecure in being ace & they tell me I shouldn’t be bc nobody cares about asexuals. I feel like a horrible person & that it was inconsiderate & ignorant to come out as ace idk what to do or even how to feel anymore hi anon, your “friend” is the one who’s ignorant and inconsiderate, anon, not you. it’s ridiculous that they feel justified in casting aside your feelings at all, let alone based on assumptions about your life as if they even know anything about it. not only that, they’re also ignoring the fact…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you have any tips for dealing with an unsupportive family?”

August 10, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Do you have any tips for dealing with an unsupportive family? See, I came out as nb/pan awhile ago and while they weren’t happy they weren’t bad about it. However, me and my father got into a massive fight in which he yelled at me that he’ll never see me as anything other than my agab, and a whole litany of other homophobic and transphobic comments. I haven’t been talking to him because it’s far too painful to do so, but now my mother says I’ve rejected him and am causing too much tension and that I’m tearing the family apart, and that I need to get over it because I’m being selfish. How do I smooth things over with my family, because I don’t want to tear my family apart, and look after myself at the same time? This situation is causing a lot of mental strain.…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “My husband has known I’m more ace than anything else… he just told me he hasnt been telling…”

August 8, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey, I rly just need an outward view. My husband has known I’m more ace than anything else(pretty sure I’m full ace, pan-rom but still figuring that out)&he just told me he hasnt been telling me when he’s had sexual feelings for me because it’s “not a thing you want and I don’t want to feel like an asshole for having sexual feelings.”I explained the difference between attraction&arousal&now he is really not ok with me not having sexual attraction towards him(cause he just realised it maybe?) I have no idea what to do because he can get rly insecure and he has no idea about the pan thing. I’ve mentioned poly things too, not saying I want it but if he did I’d be okay to try it, but he said he’s done if I ever want anything like it. I guess I just feel weird about things…

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Vesper H.

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lmfao

June 2, 2016 / No Comments

…this is too funny, considering i’ve known this person since 2003 and this is literally the first time we’re having this conversation. D;

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Vesper H.

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