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Queer As Cat

gender・ sexuality・ race ・intersectionality

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  • Home
  • About
    • About QAC
    • About Vesper
  • Photos
    • Instagram
    • Tokyo Rainbow Pride
      • 2014
      • 2015
      • 2016
      • 2017
      • 2018
  • Resources
    • Asexual POC Resources
    • #LGBTQIA in Japan
  • Contact

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  • Gender[queer],  Q&A

    Q&A: “…isn’t it equally true that you can’t know someone’s gender just by looking at them?”

    March 9, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: On the “you can’t know someone’s genitals just by looking at them” line of thought, isn’t it equally true that you can’t know someone’s gender just by looking at them? I’ve definitely been attracted to people who I later found out were a different gender than I thought they were. indeed, you can’t tell someone’s gender just by looking at them and it can suck for everyone involved when someone is assumed to be a gender that they are not. the same could be said of sexuality; about “gaydar” and other assumptions that people make about someone’s sexuality based on looks (or mannerisms, etc). sadly, society and human interaction in general operates on assumptions, even when it comes to the most everyday of things. to some extent, assumptions are unavoidable. no one is psychic, so one has to venture a guess at things and act based on that guess…

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    Vesper H.

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    August 16, 2017
  • [A]sexuality,  Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “Would it be transphobic of them to turn down the sex and instead just cuddle it out?”

    March 8, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Hey! So a hypothetical question about that last post. (Pardon my assumptions on this kind of attraction, I’m aroace and trying to learn) Say someone is panromantic, but are not sexually attracted to/repulsed by penises. What if they’re dating someone for a while and are romantically very interested in them. They go to the bedroom for the first time and find out the person they were dating has a penis. Would it be transphobic of them to turn down the sex and instead just cuddle it out? (in reference to this post) if at any point or for any reason a person is uncomfortable with or does not desire sex, they are never in the wrong for voicing that and saying no to sex. this would not be transphobic at all, imho.

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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  • Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “do you have any opposition to non-medically transitioning nonbinary people using…”

    March 6, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: do you have any opposition to non-medically transitioning nonbinary people using transgender as an identity term? saw your ask with the project person and am wondering i’m not against anyone identifying as transgender. a person’s desire to transition (or lack of desire to transition) says nothing of their identity as a trans person. my response in the post in question was strictly speaking of my personal relationship with trans identity. i totally stand in solidarity with anyone, non-binary or not, who identifies as trans but does not want to (or cannot) transition medically or otherwise. 🙂

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    Vesper H.

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  • [A]sexuality,  Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “People have told me that my attraction to women with vaginas is transphobic…”

    March 6, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: My friend & I both identify as queer women. She is only attracted to masculine-identified and presenting people with vaginas, and I am only attracted to feminine-identified and presenting people with vaginas. So she only dates masculine women and non-binary afab people and trans men, and I only date feminine women and non-binary afab people. People have told me that my attraction to women with vaginas is transphobic and hers isn’t. But what’s the difference? Am I really transphobic? i can only really tell you my opinion, which i’m sure not everyone will agree with, but… when i first read this ask i had to stop and read it over a few times because i see several things about both attractions that are potentially offensive / cissexist / transphobic. it’s obvious that you’ve tried to word things in a way that avoids misgendering people and associating gender with…

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    Vesper H.

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    October 10, 2016

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    March 20, 2017

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  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “I have been questioning my sexuality lately.”

    March 5, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Hi I have been questioning my sexuality lately. I have once dated a girl but we felt awkward. I have gotten “crushes” on girls but i am not sure if I think I like them or if I actually do. I never really get butterflies looking a them. Please help. Thank you. hi anon, not everyone gets the proverbial “butterflies in their stomach” when they like someone, so it’s probably best not to focus on that when trying to figure out how you feel about someone. if you think you like someone, the only advice i can give you is to just go with that. this may be easier said than done, but try to explore those feelings. give yourself a chance to see whether you do or don’t like that someone. take notice of the ways in which you do like them, if you even like them at…

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    Vesper H.

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  • Gender[queer],  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “i know you identify as maverique but i was wondering if you also consider yourself trans?”

    March 5, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: hi, i know you identify as maverique but i was wondering if you also consider yourself trans? this is for a project im doing, in which i take stats on what labels nonbinary people use, and after looking on your about page, i was curious? thank you, i hope this is alright to ask hi. 🙂 i identify as maverique and as non-binary, but i do not personally identify as trans for various reasons that are related to me also not wanting to use the term “transition” to describe myself or the things that i (intend to) do. see this video for more info. having said that, your project sounds interesting. 🙂 i’d definitely be interested in hearing about your findings. i’ve long since been annoyed by the trans-cis binary that exists both within and outside of the trans community and i’m sure your findings will be influenced by that…

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    Vesper H.

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  • Gender[queer],  Q&A

    Q&A: “I’ve heard the term maverique before, but I’m not quite sure what it is…”

    March 5, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I’ve heard the term maverique before, but I’m not quite sure what it is, would you be okay with explaining it? Sorry if this was a bother, thank you. hi, anon. sorry for taking so long to reply. to quote the definition from @maveriques: maverique is a gender characterized by autonomy and inner conviction regarding a sense of self that is entirely independent of male/masculinity, female/femininity or anything which derives from the two while still being neither without gender nor of a neutral gender. if the above is confusing, check out these links for other ways of describing maverique: [ 1 ] + [ 2 ] @maveriques also has an FAQ page that might answer specific questions you have.

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    Vesper H.

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    February 28, 2016
  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “Could you help me by defining those types of attraction?”

    February 24, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I get your point about the types of attraction being connected in a web, not a scalar. Could you help me by defining those types of attraction? For example, I know sexual attraction is a desire to have sexual contact, and aesthetic attraction is about appearance. I’m less clear on the others, which are often defined via tautology. (“Romantic attraction is desire to have a romantic relationship.” Ok, then what’s a romantic relationship?) Can you help clear this up? Thanks! (re: this post, however i’m going to update that post to include definitions) it’s true, definitions can sometimes be circular and thus unhelpful/difficult to understand. often because the thing being defined is difficult to define, obviously. i guess i’ll give writing simplistic definitions a shot… i’ve done it before, but never all laid out at once like this. this is quite the task!

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    Vesper H.

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  • [A]sexuality,  Feedback,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016 /

    anonymous said: Hi, I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing–I’m aroflux, have a qpp and’ve been miffed about the same things. Like, it’s great the term exists, but I feel invalidated by many promotions of it. Love’s not a binary. yeah… i wish people would think of attractions more like this: instead of isolating certain types of attraction and positioning them on a linear scale or even spectrum, as people often do. that said, the above is the 15min product of my sleep deprived brain functioning after 3am on 4hrs of sleep. it’s not thought out and thus is full of holes and problems, so please don’t take it too seriously zzz… edit: someone asked me to define these types of attraction, so i gave it a shot. disclaimer: please bear in mind that these are my own personal definitions as of now (2.24.2016).…

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    Vesper H.

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  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m bisexual, or biromantic?”

    February 23, 2016 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I’m having a hard time lately. I have been trying online dating for awhile (tinder etc. guys only) and am finding I get bored really fast and have no interest to carry on conversations or meet up – maybe I just have no desire to date right now. Lately I’ve also been noticing that when I go out I tend to notice the girls in the room before the guys. I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m bisexual, or biromantic? How do you know the difference between that and just appreciating people who look nice? personally, if i’m experiencing aesthetic attraction (ie. in admiration of someone’s looks), it’s very similar to being in admiration of anything else. i love their sense of style or their overall look and that may trigger the desire to approach them and compliment them, but the admiration or attraction ends there if that’s…

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    Vesper H.

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VESPER H.

YouTuber & Blogger

Queer As Cat is the blog and YouTube channel of Vesper, an American expat currently living in Japan.
reoccurring topics include: #asexuality, #nonbinary, #queerness #blackness & #mentalhealth

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Recent Posts

  • literal “social distancing” from the ace community April 1, 2020
  • legalized weed in America: one of many chips on my Black shoulder March 7, 2020
  • willpower, sweat, and tears January 30, 2020
  • 🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA January 4, 2020
  • #YouTubeIsOverParty: COPPA & The Hypocrisy of YouTube December 15, 2019

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