in 2014, YouTube outted me to my mom and she’s struggled to understand, let alone accept my sexuality and gender ever since. four years later, things are still touch-and-go when mom finds out that i’m on testosterone and in what she perceives to be a “lesbian relationship”… does her head implode yet again? #ItGetsBetter, they said. well, at this point i have zero fucks to give either way, buuttt i made this #LifeUpdate / #StoryTime video for you anyway. consider this me being ‘officially’ back from being MIA / AFK, i suppose.
it’s always humbling (for me) to be told by someone that something i made / did / said matters to them, but for whatever reason it feels especially… significant? when i’m told it out of the blue offline. i mean, the last thing i expected to happen going into work today was for a coworker, who happened to be in town for an in-house training event, to approach me about having seen me in a BuzzFeed video about asexuality…
NYTimes Opinion: “Trump and Putin: A Love Story” This is a three-part series of short satirical video cartoons called “Trump Bites” by Bill Plympton, a two-time Oscar-nominated animator. In Episode Two of “Trump Bites,” above, Mr. Trump’s not-so-secret admiration for President Vladimir Putin of Russia plays out in a teenager’s bedroom, where the fantasies of this forbidden romance come to life. “Trump Bites” is a series of three short video cartoons that combine real Donald Trump audio clips with hand-drawn fantasy animations by Mr. Plympton. The video cartoons riff on Mr. Trump’s absurd utterances to illustrate the president’s tumultuous inner life of paranoia, narcissism and xenophobia [ … ] lying in bed at 1:08am on a Tuesday, scrolling through my Twitter feed, this animation portraying the “forbidden romance” between Trump and Valdimir Putin in which the same-gender status of the ought-be rivals is the entirety of the ‘sick’, ‘edgy’ punchline…
in 2015, i wrote a random, word vomit of a post about being “WhenTheStarsAlignHyperRo[mantic]” while offhandedly reflecting back on what little ‘data’ i had to work off of in trying to figure out my own experience of romantic attraction (or lack thereof). it was the first second (in so far as i remember) time i had questioned not being (allo)romantic outside of my head (& journal) while shrugging off identifying as being on the aromantic spectrum.
six months on testosterone and navigating having a (over)active libido (or “sex drive”) to show for it. as an ace, suddenly having to navigate having a high libido for the first time in my life has been…. interesting, to say the least.
…is almost like living life like a computer with only a rudimentary, low capacity Hard Disk Drive dedicated to storing what you (might) need in the Here And Now or Imminent Future (short-term memories) and nothing but Random Access Memory for all the rest (long-term memories).
from YouTube: (more than) two months has passed since my last T update and a lot has happened…? increased acne, continued voice dropping; increasing body hair, fat redistribution; adjusting to having a libido, enjoying no longer being anemic; a failed health check, stopping T– wait, what?
content warning: homophobia, suicidal ideation …so, my sister sent me this video out of the blue today. she often sends me links to all kinds of random, obscure videos from the depths of YouTube, to the point that i didn’t bother clicking the link until hours after she’d sent it, thinking it to be another one of those videos. needless to say, i was pleasantly surprised. my appreciation of this video is beyond words. <3
the following post was written for the May 2018 Carnival of Aces on the subject of “Nuance & Complexity“. it may or may not be cleaned up and cross-posted to the YouTube channel Queer As Cat in the future. —— some feel that people in (English-speaking, anglophone) ace communities are “overthinking” things. that the amount of words and identities (also referred to as “microlabels”) which have been coined in such communities is not only “overdoing it,” but even potentially harmful. i’d hope that this would go without saying (but understand that it doesn’t), that i disagree with the former and vehemently reject the latter. regardless of whether i or you or that random person over there petting the stray cat that’s out in the street right now feel such terminology to be useful to us personally, the fact remains that others do and there is immense value in that.
so. self-imposed deadline after self-imposed deadline has passed now and this blog is still under construction, but i figure it’s at least decent enough to be public now. maybe. i will (probably) be deleting this post in the future, but in the meantime, if you happen to notice anything that is broken, off, ought to be tweeked or otherwise have feedback that you’d like to share with me, let me know in the comments maybe…?