Burnt Out & Neurotic: The Toll of Blogging While Ace and Mentally Ill
Over the course of the past few years or so, I've had no choice but to come face-to-face with the fact that I'm not exactly the spitting image of mental health. That, in fact, I never have been, having struggled with persistent depression and social anxiety for years, whether I was conscious of that fact or not. As such, debilitating depression/anxiety isn't new to me. Simultaneous burnout and mental breakdown on account of blogging was, however.
impostor.
…it’s always disconcerting to be reminded of how people seem to have an impression of me as a person / my personality that doesn’t at all reflect who i am in reality.
01.12.2018: T Day à la Snapchat.
A.F.K.
i will be (semi-)AFK from Tumblr Nov. 2nd (Wed) – Nov. 6th (Sun) JST as i’ll be visiting Tokyo and Shizuoka. while i’ll still be around ‘liking’ posts for future reference / reblogging, i won’t be posting or reblogging anything nor will i be responding to asks. if for whatever reason you need to contact me, email (queerascat at gmail dot com) or Tumblr’s messenger are your best bet. as always, i’ll still be active on Twitter, Instragram, Snapchat, and elsewhere, so if you want to check out what i’m up to or see random snaps of what i’m doing (such as the Instagram video above taken during my last trip to Tokyo), maybe follow me outside of Tumblr? either way, 行ってくる！ see you in a few days.
…outted again?
………that feel when you walk into the staff room in between teaching classes, check your phone and see notifications on Twitter from your dad. your dad, who you’re in no way out to because you barely even talk to him. on Twitter, where one look at your profile totally outs you and links to your extremely personal and queer as all fuck YouTube channel. so not panicking. SO NOT PANICKING. been outted to a parent by social media before. it’s not like i wasn’t prepared for this to happen eventually. it’s not like i haven’t secretly been wanting this to happen because i didn’t feel like actually coming out to him directly. NO PROBLEM. so like…. do i call him now or what because he literally only calls me when there’s been an earthquake or some other disaster (or near disaster) in Japan. that, or it’s my birthday. ……..ugggghh. fucking…
new look, same old Queer As Cat.
finally got off my lazy ass and designed a new logo / header for Queer As Cat, which has now been carried over to all the places that my exhausted brain can think of at the moment. there’s still stuff to do (need to update the APOC links page, my profile, etc etc), but the biggest changes have been made. what do you think…? i’m afraid to even ask. it’s such a huge change in design that it’s even going to take time for it to grow on me. i’ve wanted to move away from the halfassed design i had before for years now. yeah, it was halfassed and shitty (never imagined that this blog or my YouTube would amount to something worth investing time & effort into designing), but more than anything i wanted to move away from flags / colors because there are way too many flags /…
Snapchat rant #163
…meanwhile, i went to an Xジェンダーオフ会 / non-binary meetup in Tokyo and snapped parts of my day on Snapchat. thought it might be interesting to some.
Q&A: “All the backlash over the #GiveSteveABoyfriend thing is making me feel like crap.”
tw: suicide, death, self harm anonymous said: All the backlash over the #GiveSteveABoyfriend thing is making me feel like crap. I’m Christian and queer, and I’m starting to freak out. Maybe it’s right for queer people to kill themselves? Maybe I shouldn’t exist? anon, please take this moment to close Twitter, stop everything you’re doing and just breathe. relax. listen. regardless of whatever anyone else says, who you are as a Christian and as a queer person is valid. as hard as life may be sometimes, please do not throw yours away. your life, and the life of every queer person, is far more valuable and worth living than you seem to think right now. please block and ignore anything that brings you down like this, including the hashtags #GiveSteveABoyfriend and #GiveCaptianAmericaABoyfriend on Twitter. do not subject yourself to people’s bullshit. there are lots of other people in those tags…
Tokyo Rainbow Pride 2016 musings
a long and rather pointless post in which i write out some of my thoughts and experiences along with photos from last weekend’s Pride in Tokyo. this post is photo heavy. for more photos from TRP, see these posts: ☆ ace & nonbinary photos ☆ general photos warning: slurs, scantly clad men and mention of genitalia. this year i went to TRP on both Saturday and Sunday for the first time. while i’m glad i did, i’m really kicking myself in regards to how i did it. i ended up being ridiculously exhausted both days before i’d even boarded the train to Tokyo all because i called myself saving money by not booking myself and Yuki (my hedgehog) into a hotel so that i could spend the night in Tokyo. the result was 5 hrs/day of riding trains two days in a row. i’m still not recovered and this entire post is…
on semi-hiatus (12/21 – 01/02)
as of today today 12/22/2015 this blog is on a semi-hiatus until 01/02/2016. i’m currently sitting in an airport about to fly back to The States for the first time in 2 years. i’ll be staying with family for 9 days and, for those who don’t know, things have been pretty rough with my family recently and over the past 2 years… it will be my first time back “home” since being outted // coming out, so my nerves are on edge at the moment… i’m not really in the best headspace to be focusing on this Tumblr right now, sadly. i will post the text version of my latest vlog, as promised, once i get to America. i will also still be checking out my dashboard and liking posts for future reblogging, but unless something is urgent or time sensitive, i won’t be posting to this blog beyond that until…
