relationships Archives | Page 2 of 4 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I think I may be asexual. I romanticize the idea of being with a male partner later, but then I’m a maladaptive dreamer…”

August 30, 2017 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I have a question. I think I may be asexual. I romanticize the idea of being with a male partner later, but then I’m a maladaptive dreamer. I have issues with trusting people, men specifically. I don’t have any sexual attraction to men, I occasionally get crushes, which are romantic in nature, but never sexual. I do masturbate, but more like a release than actual arousal, Infact I don’t even get aroused that much. Couple moths back I kissed a guy on impulse and it disgusted me. Please help. [ cw: masturbation, arousal mentions ] hello, anon. sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. i don’t know how much help i’ll be as i can’t tell you whether you’re asexual or not (that’s something you’ll ultimately have to decide for yourself), but… someone asked me how to know whether they’re ace or not awhile…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What’s the best way to tell him without ruining our relationship??”

July 5, 2017 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I recently began flirting with a coworker as a joke, but then I thought maybe I was attracted to him. I invited him over and we talked and watched movies and then we started kissing and it was so nice and I felt so loved, but for the past week now I feel like I can’t even make eye contact with him bc I feel so awkward. I know I’m lithromantic, but I always hope that maybe I’m not whenever I’m attracted to someone. What’s the best way to tell him without ruining our relationship?? sorry for sitting on your ask for two months, anon. chances are that responding to it now won’t be of any use to you. on top of that, i’m also no good at giving relationship / communication advice, so apologies for that as well. having said all that, i’m generally a fan…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “So I got a very flirty personality. My flirting however is I’d say 90% non sexual…”

July 3, 2017 / No Comments

songsandtimetravel said: Ok. So I got a very flirty personality. My flirting however is I’d say 90% non sexual, and the other 10% is with the people I feel a mutual sexual “connection” with. I know that my friendliness have been confused with sexual attraction before with non-ace people. I love my personality but as I get more involved with the queer and non binary community I get get to know more Ace-people too, and I don’t want to come off as overly sexual or make them uncomfortable.Got any thoughts on what I can do? sorry for taking so long getting back to you. not sure if you even still want to hear my thoughts, but… i think that the situation that you’ve found yourself in is reflective of an overarching problem within society as a whole rather than being reflective of a problem with flirting or your personality.…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

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CNN: “Trying to Find Love as a Trans Man”

March 20, 2017 / No Comments

CNN featured the story of a trans man’s experience with dating on their Snapchat today. the feature included video clips of an interview with both Gutierrez and his girlfriend and was also spotlighted on Snapchat’s “Discover” alongside a Cosmopolitan feature on demisexuality. read the article and see the interview in full on CNN.com.

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Vesper H.

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re: “aromantic relationships” and marriage as “the New Platonic Ideal”

December 7, 2016 / No Comments

minamina0013: queerascat: minamina0013: queerascat: …as much as i love this thread of posts in theory, my tired ass can’t help but sit here wondering why anyone need even get married at all to do or have any of the above things, the few actual legal matters that were mentioned aside. also, this uplifting of “aromantic relationships” and marriage as “the New Platonic Ideal” feels incredibly uncomfortable… @queerascat I agree I think a lot of those things could be achieved by simply being roommates. It’s pretty funny that what they’re dubbing as “the New Platonic Ideal” already has a name, it’s called “friendship”. Aromantic relationships could be called friendships if that’s how you want to label it but personally as an aro I would consider a relationship with another aro as queer platonic. Our relationship may not be romantic but I wouldn’t say that my QPP(s) and I are just ‘friends’ who…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I really need some advice, i have social anxiety & I recently went out with a friend…”

November 30, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I really need some advice, i have social anxiety & I recently went out with a friend, she said their would only be a few other people there I didn’t know but when we went out there was a lot of people there I didn’t know on top of my friend ignoring me most of the time, I felt alone & anxious . Afterwards she bugged me until I told her what was wrong & now she’s made at me. I feel like I’m crazy I’ve been having panic attacks ever since. I feel like a horrible person & I don’t know what to do you’re most certainly not a horrible person, anon. you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong and how you feel / felt (both now and at the time) is understandable and no fault of your own. as far as i’m concerned, your friend has no reason…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…i’ve been thinking i may not be a lesbian but asexual…”

October 14, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: For a while i considered myself a lesbian and now im “talking” to a girl and i’ve been thinking i may not be a lesbian but asexual. I mean there was a time where i didn’t like anyone romantically and sexually. Now this realization is making things really confusing for me and I mean I want to try a relationship with the girl Im talking to but things are just so confusing. Lmao sorry for bothering you about my problems but idk what to do?? you’re not bothering me, anon. no worries. questioning can be really tough in general, but even more so when you’re in the middle of wanting to try having a relationship with someone. that said, questioning doesn’t have to stop you from going ahead and trying a to have a relationship if you don’t want it to. some may prefer to hold off on…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “If I’m ace/aro can I love aesthetically how any gender looks but…”

October 13, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: If I’m ace/aro can I love aesthetically how any gender looks but not want a relationship with anyone but girls you most certainly can, anon. aesthetic love does not dictate who you may want to have a relationship with. the only thing that decides that is literally who you want to have a relationship with.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Im 17 and Idk who im romantically attracted to…”

October 11, 2016 / No Comments

Kat said: Im 17 and Idk who im romantically attracted to I see girls & guys as cute & I haven’t dated before & don’t care but in the future I would like a partner regardless of gender but wat am i? Ik im ace but like idk if I’m aro or something pls help:) -Kat hi Kat, i’m afraid i can’t actually tell you something about yourself that even you yourself do not know, but i will say this. it sounds like something that you do know about yourself is that you’re ace and that you’d like a partner regardless of gender in the future. that’s actually a lot to know about yourself! 🙂 while it’s obvious that you’d like to know more than that, i hope that at least knowing that much about yourself can be of some comfort or encouragement to you. it’s natural to be curious…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you have any dating advice for a fellow ace person?”

October 10, 2016 / No Comments

aarusiel said: Hey, Vesper. Do you have any dating advice for a fellow ace person? I feel like all I ever do is end up hurting the other person because I can’t meet their needs sexually. Is it better to just not date? …i’m afraid that i’m probably one of the least suitable people to answer this question for a variety of reasons. that said, i don’t think that there’s any reason for you to not date. when it comes to any kind of relationship, a big part of avoiding false expectations and assumptions that can lead to hurt feelings– and make no mistake, it’s that (imho) that’s the cause of the other person’s hurt feelings, not you being unable to compromise yourself for them– is communication. if you talk to each other and you make your boundaries clear (which can be done without actually coming out as ace,…

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Vesper H.

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