questioning Archives | Page 4 of 10 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Can I be heterosexual but biromantic in this case?”

September 9, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hii… Ummm I have a question. I’m a cis-woman. All my life, I identified as just being straight but for a couple of years now, I have found myself being attracted to several women who seem androgynous or more masculine presenting(?) Idk if this is a good description. Idk what to feel bc I’m not sure if I want to have sex with them but I am attracted to them? Can I be heterosexual but biromantic in this case? I’m so confused. I feel weird my feelings are all over the place. hello. 🙂 there are certainly people who identify as biromantic heterosexual whose experiences are similar to yours, anon! having said that, i think you’ll also find that people with experiences which are similar to yours identify in all kinds of ways because there is no One True Way™ for anyone to identify. for example, not everyone…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality…”

August 22, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality / the fact that they were raised to be available to men? I have a similar problem – logically I don’t CARE if men find me attractive, and yet I can’t stop fretting over not being “acceptable” to them. I don’t have this problem with other people even though men are the group I’m actually least interested in. I hate this and I’m trying to let go of this feeling, but it’s hard. (re: this post) that thought occurred to me, but i didn’t want to make assumptions about anon’s gender or even their AGAB, so i erred on the side of giving general commentary with that ask. but yeah, internalized heteronormativity and compulsory heterosexuality is definitely a thing that many people struggle with and anon may also be struggling with. it’s social programming that can be extremely difficult to…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018
[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “im gay and ive known for like almost 2 years now but every time a guy talks to me i can’t help but…”

August 22, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: hey so like im gay and ive known for like almost 2 years now but every time a guy talks to me i can’t help but ask for more attention or flirt back i have a problem w saying no a lot and maybe that’s why but is it normal ? hi, anon. i’m a bit confused by your ask and am not sure whether i’m understanding it correctly, but… a person can definitely enjoy receiving attention from someone and initiating / returning flirting with someone even if they’re not actually interested in that person in any way. some people enjoy / do those things with anyone and some people don’t, but either way it doesn’t necessarily say anything about you as a person or your sexuality. besides, you know yourself, anon. if you’re gay you’re gay! trust yourself. also, try not to compare your actions or feelings…

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Vesper H.

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…one of many examples of why navigating セクマイ / LGBTQIA spaces in Japan can be painful at times.
October 7, 2016

AskAPan Week 07 – Family responses to the LGBTQ community
July 5, 2013

「私はゲイ」自分の言葉で、自分を語る / “I’m Gay” – Talking About Myself By Myself: Gay men talk about their own identity.
May 6, 2016
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Q&A: “I was wondering if it’s still possible to be nb if you present/have a mostly femme style.”

August 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I was wondering if it’s still possible to be nb if you present/have a mostly femme style. definitely. you can expressing yourself however you like and still be non-binary, anon. femme non-binary people are no less non-binary than anyone else.

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Vesper H.

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QAC 53 – The Trans/Cis Binary | Non-Binary vs Trans Identity | Let’s Talk

August 19, 2016 / No Comments

as awareness of non-binary people continues to grow and awareness of the fallacy that is male/female gender binary grows with it, is a new gender binary taking its place? there is a common assumption within society in general, but dually so within the LGBT community, that anyone who isn’t trans is cis and vice versa… if you’re someone who believes this to be true, i’d like to invite you to join in on a conversation. let’s talk! even if you don’t believe that to be true, have a seat. let’s talk! but before we do, do me a favor and watch this video. ———– RELATED LINKS ———– QAC 52 – Non-Binary vs Trans Identity | “Transitioning” “Let’s Talk: The Trans/Cis Binary” (Tumblr post)

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “So I think that I’m aromantic?”

August 15, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I think that I’m aromantic? Because like in all my 20 years of living I’ve never ever had any kind of crush or romantic feelings at all. The thing is, the idea of being in a romantic relationship sounds really nice to me. Is it possible to be aro but want to be in a romantic relationship? Like although I don’t get any kind of desire in regards to romance I still kinda want a relationship… I’m so confused it most certainly is possible to be aromantic and to want to be in a romantic relationship. while it is true that some aro people do not want to be in a romantic relationship, being aromantic is still by no means synonymous with not wanting to be in a romantic relationship. in my humble opinion, being aromantic in and of itself says nothing about the types of relationships…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I’m the anon reading lexicons in order to find a word…”

August 2, 2016 /

anonymous said: I’m the anon reading lexicons in order to find a word to describe myself. Thank you very much for taking so much time for me, for your long, very interesting and helpful answer. In fact, I was only looking for a single word because everybody here seems to have one (they say ‘hi I’m this or that’) and it was driving me crazy that there wasn’t one for me. I thought everyone but me had a word that suited completely. You put my mind at ease. You’re right I should find my own combination of words. (re: this post) no problem, anon. thanks for coming back and responding. 🙂 even though it may feel like everyone has a particular word / identity / label that describes them completely, rest assured that that totally is not the case. not everyone is able to (or even wants to) put a…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
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Q&A: “Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both….”

August 2, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: You asked for help concerning the 2 anons in the same situation. It seems to me they separate love life and sex life. Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both for the same person. Sex and romance seem incompatible. Sadly I can’t think of one and only term that includes the 2 parts of this orientation. (re: these posts) i have no way of actually knowing whether or not the two anons are referring to the exact same thing, but… i feel like saying “they separate love life and sex life” is oversimplifying things and kind of suggests that it’s something that they decidedly do rather than just being how they experience things, even though i know you probably didn’t mean to imply that. i do get what you (and the other…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I think I’m a cis girl but I’ve discovered that I don’t mind if someone would call me by other pronouns…”

August 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey 🙂 I think I’m a cis girl but I’ve discovered that I don’t mind if someone would call me by other pronouns than she/her or call me a dude or something. On some days I feel more masculine and I feel more feminine. Is that “normal”? i’m a strong believer in there being no such thing as “normal” and that what most people consider to be “normal” is really just “common”, but anyway… is that common among cis girls? i’m afraid that i have no idea. based on what i’ve heard, i wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon. then again, i’d also like to point out that whether it’s common or not says nothing about your gender anyway. everyone, regardless of whether they’re cis, trans and / or non-binary, has their own unique relationship with and feelings about the language used to refer to them and how they feel about their…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
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Q&A: ” can’t find a word that completely describes myself. Perhaps you can help.”

August 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Despite reading lexicons, I can’t find a word that completely describes myself. Perhaps you can help. Description of my person: AFAB, I love and I’m happy with my female body, don’t want a male body; crossdressing, men’s clothes, very feminine underwear, make-up, long hair, love my androgynous face. Psychologically sometimes really feel like I’m a man, sometimes quite like a girl, rarely completely like a girl. …this may make me come across as an ass, but i feel obligated to point out that you’re not going to find any one word that encompasses what just took you 46 words to convey. in fact, i’m sure that even those 46 words are only scratching at the surface of who you are as a person. …and i know that all i’ve just done is state the obvious. bear with me. for many people, when it comes to finding words to…

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Vesper H.

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