asks Archives | Page 21 of 33 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I was just trying to see if the definition of lithromantic can be bent according to who experiences it.”

May 16, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi! I was just trying to see if the definition of lithromantic can be bent according to who experiences it. Basically, the definition i experience is the one where once my feelings are reciprocated, that romantic attraction fades away. It doesnt have to necessarily mean that i get uncomfortable with having my feelings reciprocated, does it? Like, i dont necessarily mind if my partner says all these lovey dovey stuff, but most of the time i dont exactly say it back. Sorry im confused ㅠㅠ hi, anon. 🙂 being lithromantic does not mean that one automatically finds reciprocated romantic attraction repulsive upon ones own attraction fading, nor does it imply that one feels any particular way about having one’s romantic attraction reciprocated. being lithromantic means that once romantic attraction is reciprocated, the attraction that you feel fades. that’s all. what happens after that differs from person to person.…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “My boyfriend has just confessed to me that he is also sexually attracted to men but…”

May 6, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi There. My boyfriend has just confessed to me that he is also sexually attracted to men but he is not attracted to them outside of the bedroom. I was reading something online and found out that he might be a heteroromantic bisexual. I would just like to know if there are cases wherein a heteroromantic bisexual man can become a fully homosexual man? Has there been cases that you know of when this has happened? Thank you for your time. hello, anon. for anyone there is a possibility that one’s sexuality may change or that one might discover something new about oneself that one didn’t previously know. this is as true for you as it is for your boyfriend and for anyone else. in fact, this was true even before your boyfriend came out to you. however, the fact that you’ve became concerned about this upon discovering…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “have you seen that discussion about a word for the prejudice against enbies…?”

May 6, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: have you seen that discussion about a word for the prejudice against enbies on vergess’ blog? what do you think? no, i hadn’t seen the discussion prior to this ask. i assume that you’re referring to this discussion which seems to have been triggered by this post? i’m going to reblog the latter post later because what everyone’s saying there is really, really important, but for now i’m in a hurry, so… the condensed version of my thoughts: i think it’s great that @vergess and others are trying to coin a word to describe the unique challenges, prejudice, etc that non-binary people face, which i whole heartedly agree is different from what binary trans people face. personally, i’ve always used ‘non-binary erasure’ and ‘(gender) binarism’ to discuss such things, so i haven’t felt a strong need to coin a word for it. that said, it is true that in years…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What is the difference between maverique and aporagender?”

May 6, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi! What is the difference between maverique and aporagender? Thanks! i’m going to copy and paste the answer to this because i’m especially low on time and energy today. sorry, anon! What’s the difference between aporagender and maverique? They seem similar. Aporagender and maverique are similar. In fact, they were coined around the exact same time by two different people. What a coincidence! However, according to the coiner of aporagender, aporagender can be used as an umbrella term. It can potentially encompass many genders, whereas maverique is a single, specific gender. That, in my opinion, is the biggest difference between aporagender and maverique. check out the FAQ page of @maveriques where you might find answers to other questions you have. my (and @maveriques‘) askbox is always open, though, if you still have questions. 🙂

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “been following the allosexual debate. it seems like it’s not really about allosexual?”

May 4, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: been following the allosexual debate. it seems like it’s not really about allosexual? it’s about any term that groups non ace spec people apart from ace spec people, that it’s harmful to talk in any way about people who aren’t ace spec? because any non ace spec term could include people who don’t identify with sexual attraction or who don’t feel sexual attraction is important to or a defining part of their orientation? with the debate being framed on allosexual I’m not sure if I’m parsing right. (I mean about the way that allosexual, or any term for non ace spec people, is intended to be used, as a simple “not us” grouping for discussion purposes, not anything extra/problematic someone might do with the term or lump onto the term) indeed, many of the arguments that people are making against the usage of the word allosexual aren’t even really…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i am agender, but also a girl, simulaneously and constantly.”

May 2, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: i am agender, but also a girl, simulaneously and constantly. im nervous about telling people this because i dont want them to tell me i cant be be angender AND a girl. i usually just say im nonbinary but specifically im an agender girl. is this okay? of course it’s okay, anon. you aren’t obligated to tell anyone anything about your genders to begin with. if you do choose to tell someone something, it’s entirely up to you what / how much you tell them. in fact, i’m pretty sure that a lot of people come out as non-binary and leave it at that sometimes, not because they don’t identify as a more specific gender (or genders) but just because they don’t want to have to deal with people’s negative reactions or questions. there is absolutely nothing wrong with simplifying or selectively choosing what you tell people because…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “ive been id-ing as genderqueer for a while now bc i know im not a girl or a boy…”

April 28, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: ive been id-ing as genderqueer for a while now bc i know im not a girl or a boy and i definitely have a gender but i dont know what? and ive been very confused on presentation lately bc i want to be understood with an underlying masculinity but wear feminine stuff and im just kinda??? its just very confusing and im very lost hi, anon. 🙂 i understand that feeling confused and lost sucks, but really it’s okay. it’s okay to be confused. it’s okay to not know what your gender is. it’s okay to not be sure how you want to present yourself. it’s okay to not be sure how to achieve how you want to present yourself. it’s okay to not know how your presentation relates to your gender, if it even does at all. as much as being confused and lost sucks, it is…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I am a Muslim who wears hijab and I wanted to know if I have the right to use the label genderfluid to describe myself?”

April 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I am a Muslim who wears hijab and I wanted to know if I have the right to use the label genderfluid to describe myself? Even though I identify as either male, female, androgynous or something else, I am AFAB and have always presented myself as female, so does this sort of question the validity of my claim as genderfluid? Because I wear hijab all the time, I feel like I can’t claim to be anything but female as many people see hijab as a gender indicator rather than as a religious concept? anon, you have every right to identify as whatever feels comfortable or right to you. how you present yourself neither validates nor invalidates your identity, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says. gender identity is one thing, gender (or self) expression is another. for some people, these two things happen to coincide with one…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “s it possible to transition to non binary in California?”

April 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it possible to transition to non binary in California? I want to get surgery to at the least remove/flatten my chest… But I’m worried insurance will not cover it. i don’t know a whole lot about California, but i do know that California is one of the few states that prohibits health insurance from denying someone coverage based on their trans status. i also know that Obamacare and Medi-Cal, among many other insurance plans, cover various forms of medical transition. honestly, from what i hear, you’re in one of the best states in America when it comes to trans healthcare, so i wouldn’t be too worried. try Googling your city’s name (or the name of a major city near you) and “transgender” or “transgender healthcare” to find resources that may help you. sadly, searching for trans resources will get you a lot further than looking for non-binary specific resources,…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is there a word for non-binary in Japanese that you know of?”

April 26, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m going to be moving to Japan in a couple of months for work, and I am non-binary. Is there a word for non-binary in Japanese that you know of? Also, I usually use 私 in school/professional settings but I tend to use 僕 and more masculine language around my friends that know Japanese. Is it advisable to use pronouns like this or should I just use female pronouns even though I barely identify with female? I will probably be in a fairly rural area. (would you mind tagging as w so i can find?) hi and welcome to Japan in advance. 🙂 Xジェンダー / x-gender is the Japanese equivalent of non-binary. just as with the word non-binary in English speaking countries, the majority of people in Japan will have never heard of the word Xジェンダー unless you’re in trans friendly / aware spaces. the word exists and…

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Vesper H.

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