aro community Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating…”

September 22, 2017 / No Comments

my-minds-matters: queerascat: anonymous said: I just had a eureka moment when looking at your recent reblog of a post on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating… As an aro ace, the whole “love” angle is definitely implicitly exclusionary. The core of my being aro ace is that I DON’T love anyone That Way, and community rhetoric consistently fails to reflect that. Not to mention that I find the “twoo wuv” thing eye-roll-inducing at times. Your thoughts? ( re: this post ) i agree that in addition to ignoring, excluding and / or alienating trans and non-binary people, as pointed out in the OP, such rhetoric also ignores, excludes and alienates those for whom “love” (be it in the traditional, romantic sense or at all) is not a thing– or at least, is not The Thing that defines their connection to the LGBTQIA community. such rhetoric posits love…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…”love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating…”

September 19, 2017 / No Comments

anonymous said: I just had a eureka moment when looking at your recent reblog of a post on how “love wins/love is love” can be kind of alienating… As an aro ace, the whole “love” angle is definitely implicitly exclusionary. The core of my being aro ace is that I DON’T love anyone That Way, and community rhetoric consistently fails to reflect that. Not to mention that I find the “twoo wuv” thing eye-roll-inducing at times. Your thoughts? ( re: this post ) i agree that in addition to ignoring, excluding and / or alienating trans and non-binary people, as pointed out in the OP, such rhetoric also ignores, excludes and alienates those for whom “love” (be it in the traditional, romantic sense or at all) is not a thing– or at least, is not The Thing that defines their connection to the LGBTQIA community. such rhetoric posits love as some…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “I’m quite surprised with the commentary about color-swapped flags being problematic…”

August 5, 2017 / No Comments

nbandproud said: I’m quite surprised with the commentary about color-swapped flags being problematic, since nowadays I don’t see any complaints directed at them. I’ve always heard the aro flag that just replaced purple with green was “made by someone problematic”, so I’m glad you brought that post to light (there’s also the issue of that being the most popular androsexual flag), but… I don’t think you need to worry much :p (re: this post) …honestly, what surprises (and embarrasses) me is the fact that i even forgot about how problematic those flag designs are because, reflecting back on it now, i remember color-swapped flags being part of a larger issue that eventually became at least somewhat prominently discussed on Tumblr? that larger issue being the nature of the relationship between the asexual and aromantic communities, a topic that i hardly see discussed at all these days. which is why i…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
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Re: Demiromantic and Gray (a)romantic Flags

August 4, 2017 / No Comments

queerascat: pride-flags: queerascat: after making the arospec pride flag set, something about the demiromantic and gray (a)romantic flags really bothered me. the aromantic flag has no purple in it. from what i remember of that flag’s creation, this was done intentionally to distinguish aromanticism from asexuality as the two are often mistakenly linked. shouldn’t it be the same for the demiromantic flag vs the demisexual flag and the gray (a)romantic flag vs the gray asexual flag? in replacing the purple with green, there is a more visible connection to aromanticism and thus to being part of the aromantic spectrum. i think i will go ahead and revise the pride flag photoset, but thoughts anyone? i’m probably not even the first to think of this, but yeah? Are you the creator of these pride flags? Just wondering. …i hesitate to say that i am the original creator of these flags as…

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Vesper H.

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beyond shitty.

March 12, 2017 / 2 Comments

…can i just say that it is beyond shitty that despite questioning my romantic orientation openly for the first time 2 years ago and having explicitly disidentified with ”-romantic” anything for a year at the very least, now more than ever i feel like i could and would never identify as being anywhere on the aromantic spectrum because of negative experiences that i continue to have re: having both my identity and my experiences assumed, ignored and polarized by some aces on the aromantic spectrum? because yeah, that’s really shitty imho. edit: oh lookie here. rediscovered a video where i openly questioned my romantic orientation for the first time back in 2014. oh well, doesn’t matter now. never identifying as aro or -romantic anything anyway.

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Vesper H.

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the #Jughead mess masterpost

January 20, 2017 / 4 Comments

this post marks the last time i’ll be responding to asks about / reblogs of the post i made about the fight for Jughead’s correct portrayal on the CW’s Riverdale. after 3 days of responding to nearly 15 asks / posts on the topic and the anxiety that that has caused me on top of everything else going on in my life, i’m calling it quits on that post. while i still stand by the admittedly unclear point that i was attempting to make, i do apologize to those who were hurt by my unclear wording. i’m also done with talking about asexual representation in general or fandom-related anything anymore. while i appreciate the kind words of encouragement i received, it’s not worth the cost to my mental health to talk about even my own representation anymore. this post serves as both a future point of reference on the mess that…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “The term platonic attraction confuses me. Is it somehow different from what people usually think of as friendship?”

October 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: The term platonic attraction confuses me. Is it somehow different from what people usually think of as friendship? Does it mean someone you would want to be in a queerplatonic with? you’re far from the only one who’s confused by the term “platonic attraction”, anon. imho, such confusion and misunderstanding is partially to blame for why some people are quick to make light of terms like “panplatonic”, “aplatonic”, etc. such confusion and misunderstanding is also part of the reason why some people prefer to use other terms instead. the word “platonic” is defined by the Merriam-Webster Dictionary as referring to “a close relationship in which there is no romance or sex.” that said, historically the word and its usage used to be far more nuanced than it often is in modern society. there are literally an infinite number of ways in which a close relationship without romance (with or without sex) could manifest…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “i’m nonbinary and i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of [the LGBT] community…”

September 15, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: okay sorry for dragging this in here, but. i’m nonbinary. and ppl have been saying that nb ppl ARE lgbt+. but here’s the thing: i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of that community, even if i “qualify” bc at the end of the day, they still don’t want me there. they may be accepting of my identity as nb, but that would mean ignoring my identity as aro/ace. if i’m gonna be accepted somewhere, i want to be accepted for all of me, not just part. just my 2 cents. hello anon, i feel you on this. i really do. as a non-binary, bi / pan ace i’ve also been faced with people wanting to selectively choose what part of my “counts” or is “valid reason” for me to be included in something. like you, i am of the stance that acceptance of me is an…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
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Q&A not Q&A: “I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it.”

April 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know this discourse isn’t front and center rn but I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it. I hate the “more than friends” thing. I hate “just friends.” I have a QPP I feel platonically attracted to, and I have two romantic partners, but I also have a lot of people that I’m just attracted to on a deeply emotional level and it doesn’t make sense for me as a quoi person to try to distinguish whether it’s romantic or platonic, because it just…is. I really couldn’t tell you how I feel. Trying to label it conventionally (or at all, in most cases) just doesn’t work and feels forced. Alterous is the only descriptor I’ve really found for it. I just wish that the person (people?) describing it were….better at…

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Vesper H.

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sigh.

February 24, 2016 / No Comments

…so now i’m being accused of “attacking the [alterous] community as a whole” because i pointed out the overlapping usage of two concepts/terms and expressed concern over how things are being worded/conceived by some people while being “non aro” and “non alterous”. great. i love how the responsibility is being put on me to go to their askboxes and explain my feelings / view and that i’m being faulted for expressing my feelings on my own blog without coming to them personally instead. as if i have the time or responsibility to go to the askboxes of blogs every time i feel some kinda way about something. and then when one of them does reach out to me privately, there’s more ‘you’re not aro so stop talking.’ all of that aside, i do not understand how they are unable to see how off-putting they’re being. if i was at all leaning towards using alterous for…

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Vesper H.

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