Gender[queer]
Posts pertaining to gender, gender nonconformity, gender queering, etc.
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QAC 65 – 1 Month on Low Dose HRT | Non-Binary | Mental Health || The T Files #005
voice cracking? increased stamina? mood swings?? it’s been one month since i started a relatively low dosage of testosterone and even though in actuality not much has happened yet, i’m still surprised by what has. it’s been an interesting month, but as it turns out starting low-dose T isn’t as simple as simply choosing a random low dosage and going with the recommended injection frequency. or at least, not when you’re trying to manage depression and anxiety on top of it all and you’re not sure fluctuating hormone levels are a risk that you want to take. one month later, while still happy with my decision to start T, it’s time to take a moment to pause. recap. and reevaluate. …my video descriptions sound like the back of a poorly written novel abandoned on the shelf with the tabloids in the checkout aisle because someone decided last minute that it…
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QAC 64 – 48 Hours On T || Starting HRT In Japan || Non-Binary || The T Files #004
it’s only been 48 hours, but i’m finally on T! 62.5 mg/ml of Enarmon Depot (エナルモンデポー) every two weeks, to be specific. The T Files is a series of videos documenting my journey to get testosterone in Japan and wherever i may end up with it from there. while this series may be helpful for those who are interested in the process of getting HRT (more specifically, testosterone) in Japan, it’s also just my personal playlist of [shit]videos about my adventures with T for my own future reference. watch at your own digression. :p more like 72+ hours on T now, but who’s counting. only YouTube, who immediately flagged this video as inappropriate for some advertisers, presumably just because it had “testosterone” and “HRT” in it. sigh.
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01.12.2018: T Day à la Snapchat.
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Q&A: “just wondering if anyone knew a good place to find safe binders for…”
anonymous asked: Hey, just wondering if anyone knew a good place to find safe binders for someone with really small ribs (only 28 inches around) but an extremely large chest (H+ cup) or if it was even possible? I’m getting surgery in a year and a half or so, but I have kind of awful dysphoria sometimes to the point I dissociate because it triggers my anxiety and then turns into “well that’s not you, that’s someone else, you’re not here” hi, anon. i’m afraid that i won’t be of much help to you as i can’t say that i’ve read any binder reviews, or heard of any explicit statements on the behalf of the companies that make them, about a binder being made with measurements like yours in mind. that said, i did a quick search and found this that may (or may not) be of help to you?…
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Q&A: “Can a maverique person consider themself man or woman-aligned?”
anonymous said: You may have answered a similar question before, and if so I apologize, it’s possible that I missed it! I was wondering, can a maverique person consider themself man or woman-aligned? And if a person considered themself woman-aligned and maverique, could they consider themself sapphic, or would you say being sapphic is inherently at odds with being maverique? Navigating the recent alignment discourse as a maverique has been rough for me, and I’d like to hear your thoughts. hi, anon. no worries. i’ve answered a similar question before, but not on this blog. check out what i said [ here ] over on @maveriques. i’m afraid that my answer to the question you’ve asked has not changed at all since responding to the linked ask. that said, i’m really sorry to hear that recent aligned terminology (i’m not caught up at all on any related discourse) has been rough…
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Q&A: “…I can kind of relate to what your earlier post is about the representations of androgyny and nonbinary people…”
anonymous said: hey I just wanted to say that I can kind of relate to what your earlier post is about, not in that i’m black but in that i’m amab and the representations of androgyny and nonbinary people I see tend to be of a white, slim, crew cut hair cut with afab secondary sex characteristics, like a white pre-t trans man. my face is distincitvely male so it’s really not possible for me to pull off that look you were talking about because I can’t fit into that narrow somewhat accepted box. I might be getting a bit philosphical but I think that society see things in categories, like the light spectrum, even though there are infinite shades we demarcate them into 8 colours, in the past lgbt was pretty much all the colours there were, now there’s lgbtqia+. So if it’s any consolation as someone who is…
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QAC 63 – Story Time: Coming Out To A Coworker || Visibly Queer | Non-Binary || The T Files #003
ever tried to come out to someone only to be met with “i already knew that”? before last week, i couldn’t say that i have, but when a coworker thinks their “gaydar” is on-point, but that gaydar ever-so-predictably fails to extend beyond just “GAY”, mental eye rolling, story time and a mini word vomit ensue. what does it mean to be “visibly queer” and why is it that more often than not ‘queer’ is often taken to be synonymous with “gay”? and is there any such thing as “visibly trans” or “visibly non-binary”? don’t expect to find any answers here, as it took me considerable effort just to limit my apathetic word vomit to 5 minutes zzz… two days post-recording and much sleep deprivation later…
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QAC 62 – The Road To HRT: Fears, Goals & Compromise || Non-Binary || The T Files #002
when i first started this channel not long after having just began to explore and embrace my gender, i didn’t consider HRT / testosterone to even be a card on the table for me to play. HRT was something that others did and that i was judged for not wanting to do; it was for people who experienced “real”, bodily dysphoria, not people like me whose dysphoria was largely derivative of society and whose complicated relationship with the very idea of medically “transitioning” was used as a means of invalidation by others. i can’t help but imagine 2013 Vesper looking at 2017 Vesper with silent, candid irony as they brush aside the years of others’ bullshit to finally confront their own.
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whiteness as default
as usual, i find myself turning to YouTube as a resource for information only to be reminded that…. YouTube is So Damn White. most things non-binary and / or trans are So Damn White. a search for “non-binary” and “testosterone” turns up almost nothing but skinny, short haired, white, non-binary people, none of whom i can really see myself in. which is nothing new. that’s part of the reason i’m on YouTube in the first place. beyond that, a bigger problem that i find myself faced with is that the very image / concept of “androgyny” or stereotypical “non-binary appearance” is inherently linked to whiteness. i want people to pause before they misgender me (seeing as how they will inevitably misgender me regardless) and the best way to bring about that is, presumably, androgynous appearance. however, androgyny feels unobtainable to me as a black person, because no matter what i…
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gender feels; racial trauma.
as usual, i find myself turning to YouTube as a resource for information only to be reminded that…. YouTube is So Damn White. most things non-binary and / or trans are So Damn White. a search for “non-binary” and “testosterone” turns up almost nothing but skinny, short haired, white, non-binary people, none of whom i can really see myself in. which is nothing new. that’s part of the reason i’m on YouTube in the first place.
