Q&A: “…do you think there could be other types of attraction?”

anonymous said:

I know a lot of the time in discussions about asexual identities people break down attraction into 4 different categories: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual (well and sometimes platonic). But do you think there could be other types of attraction? Sometimes I see people and I feel /something/ but I wouldn’t really categorize it as one of those – argh its so confusing! Am I just experiencing one of those types of attraction in a strange way??

without a doubt there could be (read: probably is) more to attraction than the categories that the ace and aro communities tend to refer to.

attraction, as with feelings in general, is an insanely complex thing that most certainly cannot be neatly boxed into or described by categories. it doesn’t get said enough that not everyone even finds the existing categories helpful or meaningful in describing their attraction(s).

you could be experiencing one (or more) of the aforementioned types of attraction. despite the narrative that tends to be associated with certain types of attraction, everyone experiences attraction differently. there is no one way to experience any type of attraction. that said, you could also be experiencing something that goes beyond the aforementioned types of attraction. it’s impossible for me to say.

whatever it is that you are experiencing, don’t think of it as “strange” for not neatly fitting into the boxes that others use. there is in fact nothing strange about it. even people who describe their attraction as X or Y or Z sometimes (dare i say often) find that X, Y or Z do not fully (or even entirely accurately) describe how they feel, they just use X, Y, and Z as an approximate because they have yet to find a word that is a better, truer fit and/or perhaps it gives them a sense of community to identify as X, Y or Z even if it is not entirely accurate.

that said, even though some choose to, one does not have to “settle” for anything in describing one’s attraction. you may be interested in such terms/identities as quoiromantic, quoisexual or idemromantic. OR you may just choose to not describe yourself with any -romantic / -sexual term, and that is 100% okay too. some people prefer not to label themselves at all or to stick to a more ambiguous/open-ended identity like “queer” (while keeping in mind that it is also a slur). it’s entirely up to you.

attraction is confusing. it really is. but it’s also hella complex, so it’s only natural that it be confusing and it being confusing is ok. there is nothing wrong with not having a word to describe something. you’re definitely in good company when it comes to this because lots of us feel the same way.

and sorry for the tl;dr post, but i hope this helps you and others, anon.