Q&A: “Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both….”
anonymous said: You asked for help concerning the 2 anons in the same situation. It seems to me they separate love life and sex life. Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both for the same person. Sex and romance seem incompatible. Sadly I can’t think of one and only term that includes the 2 parts of this orientation. (re: these posts) i have no way of actually knowing whether or not the two anons are referring to the exact same thing, but… i feel like saying “they separate love life and sex life” is oversimplifying things and kind of suggests that it’s something that they decidedly do rather than just being how they experience things, even though i know you probably didn’t mean to imply that. i do get what you (and the other…
Q&A: “…maybe that anon was talking about nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex.”
anonymous said: I saw your answer about fraysexuality. I don’t know if I can be helpful but maybe that anon was talking about nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex. This is how I feel myself but I could not find a word mixing my sexuality and my romantic attraction. And I would love to find this word. The definition of fraysexual doesn’t describe how I feel. (re: this post) i very well could have misunderstood the anon in that ask. perhaps they, like you, feel like fraysexual isn’t the word they’re looking for. nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex… i’m afraid that i’m drawing a blank when it comes to thinking of a word that encompasses all of that. which isn’t to say that such a word doesn’t exist, i just don’t know of it or am unable to think of it at the moment. can anyone else help anon…
Q&A: “I can’t have sex with someone I love and I can only have sex with someone when…”
anonymous said: I can’t have sex with someone I love and I can only have sex with someone when I don’t have feelings for this person. A name for me? I read about allochronic orientation. fraysexuality comes to mind and may be something worth looking into. including a link to get you started because, sadly, there seems to be a lot of negativity being directed at this orientation. if you do look into this orientation, take care doing so, anon.
Q&A: “I identify as gray-ace, but it feels too vague to me and causes unnecessary worries to my partner…”
anonymous said: Hi Vesper! I identify as gray-ace, but it feels too vague to me and causes unnecessary worries to my partner about pushing me to do things I don’t really want (that never happens). I haven’t been able to find a more specific term. I do feel sexual attraction, so much that it’s obvious to me, but only when I decide I want to feel it in an interaction with someone. Cupio and recipro don’t fit. I call it conveniosexual as a joke because it is convenient, but is there an existing word? …i really hate to say this, but if your partner is concerned about pushing you to do things that you don’t really want to do, it seems unlikely to me that changing your identity would at all be a solution for that. forgive me if i’m out of line for saying this, but i’m doubtful that…
Q&A: “Could you help me by defining those types of attraction?”
anonymous said: I get your point about the types of attraction being connected in a web, not a scalar. Could you help me by defining those types of attraction? For example, I know sexual attraction is a desire to have sexual contact, and aesthetic attraction is about appearance. I’m less clear on the others, which are often defined via tautology. (“Romantic attraction is desire to have a romantic relationship.” Ok, then what’s a romantic relationship?) Can you help clear this up? Thanks! (re: this post, however i’m going to update that post to include definitions) it’s true, definitions can sometimes be circular and thus unhelpful/difficult to understand. often because the thing being defined is difficult to define, obviously. i guess i’ll give writing simplistic definitions a shot… i’ve done it before, but never all laid out at once like this. this is quite the task!
Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
anonymous said: Hi, I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing–I’m aroflux, have a qpp and’ve been miffed about the same things. Like, it’s great the term exists, but I feel invalidated by many promotions of it. Love’s not a binary. yeah… i wish people would think of attractions more like this: instead of isolating certain types of attraction and positioning them on a linear scale or even spectrum, as people often do. that said, the above is the 15min product of my sleep deprived brain functioning after 3am on 4hrs of sleep. it’s not thought out and thus is full of holes and problems, so please don’t take it too seriously zzz… edit: someone asked me to define these types of attraction, so i gave it a shot. disclaimer: please bear in mind that these are my own personal definitions as of now (2.24.2016).…
Q&A: “Is there a term for sexuality being constantly fluid?”
anonymous said: Is there a term for sexuality being constantly fluid? Like the sexual orientation version of genderfluid? hi anon! sorry for not replying sooner. i’m not aware of a specific term for when someone experiences constant sexual fluidity, but that certainly doesn’t mean that one doesn’t exist. perhaps my followers know of such a term and can help you out? i know that some people (multisexual people especially) experience fluctuations in regards to the gender(s) that they are attracted at any given time throughout their life, but i’m guessing that that isn’t what you’re referring to. followers? know of anything that might help anon?
Q&A: “do you think you could help me explain why sexuality is not the same as having a “racial preference”…?”
anonymous said: Hey, do you think you could help me explain why sexuality is not the same as having a “racial preference” for who you date? Like I know they’re different but I can’t seem to explain it very well. Thanks!! hi anon! sorry for taking so long to reply. in my humble opinion, “sexuality” is a very broad term that is used to describe a wide variety of things, including preferences that a person may have with regards to gender, number of partners, types of relationships, hair color/type/location, race, and a million other things. racial preference is a thing that could be considered relevant to a person’s sexuality. that doesn’t mean it isn’t or can’t be racist to have such a preference. that said, i get the feeling that you’re looking to explain the difference between sexual orientation and racial preference rather than sexuality in general. that is a…
Q&A: “…why are lesbians who don’t want to have sex with women with gentalia that repulses them considered transphobic?”
anonymous said: Different anon but I have a q about something u said in the last anon q you answered. If it is okay for people to be repulsed by certain genitalia than why do lesbians who don’t want to have sex with women with gentalia that repulses them considered transphobic? This is something I’ve seen in a lot of places on tumblr. Can you speak more about being repulsed by certain genitalia being okay? [this is in reference to this post] *takes a deep breath, steadying themself for potential backlash from this post* …the following is my opinion, but there is a difference between: defining your orientation based solely on the genitalia you do or do not find repulsive.* (ie. saying that you’re a lesbian or gynosexual because you’re repulsed by penises.) defining your orientation based on your attraction to X (Y, Z) gender(s) and then adding a…
Q&A: “Is it sexual attraction if I want to do sexual things with someone even if I don’t find their bodies arousing?”
anonymous said: Is it sexual attraction if I want to do sexual things with someone even if I don’t find their bodies arousing? I’ve been calling myself demi but I’m not sure now. When I fall for people I really want to see them enjoy themselves sexually but not necessarily be part of it like autochorissexualism. Although I do enjoy sex with someone I love. I also find them more aesthetically appealing the more I like them. I just don’t know if my attraction is truly sexual. Help me? i can’t give you a straight yes or no answer to whether you’re experiencing sexual attraction or not since it’s impossible for me to really know what exactly you’re experiencing, plus i’m no expert on sexual attraction either way, but…. in my humble opinion, there is a difference between not feeling drawn to a person in a sexual way, but…
