i keep putting off talking about this topic because of feels and because i’m lazy stuff, but it’s 1:30am on a work night, i’ve just responded to an email from someone asking me about this topic and i’m too tired to censor myself or to overthink what people may think of my opinion. what a perfect opportunity to share my thoughts on Tumblr! let’s cut and paste.
a long overdue and highly abbreviated update about what’s been going on in my life the past year. the highlights include turning 30 sucking, breaking off communication with my mom, trying out therapy, a self-care project, finishing my sleeve tattoo and trying to participate in local LGBTQIA events. ======== TIME POINTS ======== @00:00 – hello & thanks Kat Blaque. @00:44 – my laptop died. 🙁 @02:06 – turning 30 is depressing. @04:05 – no longer talking to my mom. @05:39 – therapy isn’t for me? @08:01 – talking about mental health stuff is hard. @08:35 – self-care: i made a thing. look at my thing. @10:17 – the body mod video is coming, i swear! @11:29 – going to LGBTQIA meetups in Japan. @13:08 – why i haven’t made videos about LGBT stuff in Japan. @14:22 – wow, you really watched all that? i love you. ==============================
and my 1 week vacation begins with a doodle on the 2.5hr train ride to Tokyo to finish my sleeve tattoo. 😀 now that i FINALLY have some free time, i plan to get shiz done irl as well as on Tumblr and YouTube. お楽しみに！
it’s been nearly a year and a half since i was outted to my ultra religious mom as a non-binary, panromantic / biromantic asexual. things have been, and continue to be, rough between us at times… that said, there has been progress. it took well over a year, but she’s now making an effort to come to terms with part of my sexuality….? meanwhile continuing to completely reject my gender. thus far, the road to acceptance and understanding has been long and hard; sadly, as of now, that road still has no end in sight. ——— LINKS ——— QAC 13 – Staying In The Closet → https://youtu.be/NDyEAyNxoEg QAC 23 – Being Forced Out of the Closet → https://youtu.be/HStZgJ4Ewm8 snippets of conversations with my mom: → http://queerascat.tumblr.com/tagged/conversations-with-mom —————————–
trigger warning: body negativity, gender dysphoria, hints of self-harm, cursing a rant about my own negative body image and how that body image intersects with my identity as a black non-binary asexual. i touch upon a lot in this long video, so for your ease of viewing: ====== Time Points ======== @00:00 – introduction @00:57 – dismissal of my body issues @02:18 – height and dysphoria @05:08 – having lordosis and being misgendered @09:53 – hypersexualization of my butt as a black non-binary ace @12:44 – hypersexualization of my lips as a black non-binary ace @13:27 – self-destructive habits: lip picking @15:33 – hating my natural hair @19:00 – body modification and body positivity @21:16 – i’d love to hear from you ======================== “awkward but necessary” pretty much sums up this video.
apologies for this video being incredibly long– there was lots to address and i still didn’t cover everything! in this video i talk about my current intentions re: social and medical/physical “transitioning”, why i personally don’t care for the term “transition”, why i won’t be doing anything while in Japan, why “transitioning” as a non-binary person is different from “transitioning” as a binary person and lots more. please bear in mind that this really isn’t meant as an educational video, but maybe it’ll be informative nonetheless…? =================== TIME POINT INDEX =================== @00:00 happy holidays! @00:20 why i don’t look forward to 2015 @02:22 why i don’t care for the term “transition” @04:48 TMI & trigger warnings –SOCIAL TRANSITION– @05:20 what is social transition? @06:36 social “transitioning” as non-binary @07:03 name change abroad, name dysphoria @09:01 coming out in Japan @11:13 gender marker change + bathrooms in Japan @12:39 voice training,…
it’s been over a year since i made this channel about being non-binary, queer, panromantic / biromantic asexual and a person of color, but there’s more to me than just my gender, sexuality and ethnicity. mind getting to know me a little? i’ve even added timestamps to make doing so easier. 😉 ======= Navigation ======== @00:00 – Channel introduction @00:39 – About me ========= Q & A ========= @03:00 – What are your favorite books/literature/authors? @04:02 – Who’re your top 3 musical artists? @04:26 – What are your favorite anime series or manga? @05:13 – Do you/did you play any instruments? @6:16 – What inspires you? @7:59 – Any dreams for the future? @08:50 – Do you consider yourself African American or just American or what? @10:46 – Is Japan expensive? @11:16 – What’s your other YouTube channel? @11:54 – What’s been the most difficult thing about living in Japan?…
i’m all over the place in this video. i rant about my personal experiences with the policing that takes place within the black community, concepts of “blackness” (and in turn, “whitewashing”) in the black community, being a black asexual, fears of transitioning as a black non-binary person, being black abroad and intersectionality, to varying degrees. i’m sure i’ll get ill feelings directed at me for some of the feelings and views expressed in this video, but whatever. my feelings and experiences are what they are and they needed to be (and deserve to be) expressed. that said, got your own personal experiences with race/ethnicity and sexuality/gender that you’d like to share? i’d love to hear about them. 🙂 sigh! this is why i don’t generally talk about this kind of stuff. “too much feels”…
one day the locs that frame my face will be gone and i can’t help but wonder if i’ll even recognize my own face without them— they’ve become such A Thing. either way, the love-hate relationship with my hair continues for now…
