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“too butch.”
as the clock counts down to me sitting in a hairstylist's chair to get my hair chopped off—a clock that started its countdown years ago in my head, but has only recently been given a definitive calendar date of May 18th, 2019—i've on-and-off made an effort to help my mom 'get over it.'
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Feedback: “I’m sure there are plenty of other trans people who want to be visibly trans…”
anonymous said: On the visibility thing- I am a trans person who wants to be proudly and visibly trans, mostly because I’m genderqueer and there isn’t really a way to “pass” as gq, so being seen as cis is automatically misgendering me. So I try to be as “nonpassing” and obviously trans/queer as possible. And I’m sure there are plenty of other trans people who want to be visibly trans, otherwise stuff like trans pride shirts and such wouldn’t exist, no? Or am I misunderstanding what you mean by visibility? ( re: this post ) i agree with you, anon, that there are a lot of people who want to visibly subvert and / or defy the assumption that they are cis a man / woman or otherwise a binary gender that they are not– especially among those for whom (as you pointed out) “passing” as their gender (or lack thereof) is…
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word vomit: escaping womanhood
time to word vomit a continuous stream of thoughts that have been going around in my head for a while now. will probably run with this more later. cw: slurs the binarist society(/ies) we live in fucks over everyone– be they trans or not– with its enforcement of binary gender roles, among other things. sometimes i’ll come across an article, blog post, whatever talking about this. to a point. sometimes it will be pointed out that how and to what extent society polices and enforces gender roles differs based on the assumed gender at birth of the person in question, among other things. that in American society, for example, people deemed to be females at birth are afforded a certain amount of leeway that people who are deemed to be male at birth are not.
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Q&A: “…does anything else about how gender is discussed estrange you?”
anonymous said: Branching off of your Cis-Trans binary video, does anything else about how gender is discussed estrange you? For me, settling on quoigender hasn’t been a comfortable experience, as it doesn’t provide the luxury or comfort of certainty. Coupled with ableism, aro- and acephobia, being quoigender and thus “see, not a real girl(TM) after all” makes gender itself alienating. I can’t “celebrate my gender identity” when I not convinced that I even have one, and suggesting that I should is insulting. ( re: this video / blog post ) there’s quite a lot surrounding gender and how it’s often discussed that bothers and / or alienates me, including the assumption that everyone knows their gender or even has one at all. that said, as someone who does have a gender, knows what it is and is comfortable in it, i admit that i am privileged in that regard and thus am…
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Q&A: “Could it be possible that there really only are 2 genders?”
anonymous said: Hey, Vesper! I have a very serious question to ask. It’s about gender. It might come off as offensive, but in no means is it meant to be. Could it be possible that there really only are 2 genders? Hear me out: it can be argued that gender is not really determined by characteristics or genitals, instead more by chromosomes, XX or XY. For humans, biologically there is only male and female(no, i did not forget intersex), but gender identity can be a whole other deal! You see, gender identity can be how someone feels about their gender. Like, I was born female, but I did not feel like that fit. Male didn’t fit either, so I identify as agender. But, I didn’t really feel like it was an actual gender as much as an identity, a way for me to express myself. I may just be getting…
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Q&A: “I was wondering if you’re ok with people calling you “doll”, “darling” or “sweetheart”?”
anonymous said: Hii, I really love your videos(: I’m so glad I found your channel, it really helped me come to terms with my romantic orientation(aromantic) & I was wondering if you’re ok with people calling you “doll”, “darling” or “sweetheart”? Some people think it’s gender specific, like for females. I personally don’t think so, but I wanna know what you think(: hi, anon. thanks for watching my videos and for the kind message. i really appreciate it. 🙂 generally speaking, i think that there’s a lot that goes into how any person feels about being referred to by any given “pet name” (term of endearment). as you’ve noted, a term can feel gender neutral to you while at the same time feeling gendered to someone else. neither person is necessarily right or wrong, of course. as i said, a lot– everything from culture to dialect, past experiences to historical…
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Q&A: “I’ve noticed some nonbinary genders seem to get more recognition than others…”
anonymous said: Hey Vesper! I have a question. I’ve noticed that within the nonbinary and larger trans and queer and so forth communities, some nonbinary genders seem to get more recognition than others. Some- especially maverique as I’ve noticed- are hardly known of by many other nonbinary and/or trans people, while others such are gaining recognition in trans, nb, and other circles much more quickly in comparison. Why do you think some nb genders are becoming more well known than other nb genders? hi anon, this is a really tough question. not just because of how subjective it is (i mean, what even counts as ‘recognition’, let alone what counts as ‘more’ or ‘more quickly’), but also because there are an infinite number of factors involved in why any non-binary gender gets any amount of recognition at all. imho, some non-binary genders are more commonly recognized at least in part…
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let’s talk: the trans/cis binary
note: this post is also a YouTube video, which was made in response to commentary made on another video about identifying as non-binary but not trans. you may want to watch the latter video before reading this. let’s talk about gender. let’s talk how you may or may not be aware of the false binary or dichotomy of male / female gender and how it erases non-binary people. then, let’s talk about how that isn’t the only binary that exists involving gender and identity. let’s talk about how even if a non-binary person manages to navigate the male / female gender binary within society and exist openly as a non-binary person, they’re then faced with yet another binary, another dichotomy from within the very communities that they should at least be able to feel safer in. let’s talk about how within the LGBTQIA there is / are: questionnaires, registration forms,…
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Q&A: “…would it be correct to suppose that Maverique is on a spectrum of its own, with two opposite ends…?”
anonymous said: Hey Vesper. I have a thought. What if Maverique is its own unique gender the way that the four temperaments are each distinct, being two pairs of opposites but not excluding the other pair. Like for instance sanguines are the opposite of melancholy, but that does not exclude the existance of cholerics and phlegmatics. Type A and Type B are not the only two personality types but they are opposites. Temperament is not a one-dimensional thing like a spectrum between two types. To elaborate on my thoughts. If Maverique is a gender outside of the masculine-feminine spectrum, then would it be correct to suppose that Maverique is on a spectrum of its own, with two opposite ends, just like sanguine and melancholy temperaments are on a spectrum separate from Choleric and phlegmatic? The way I want to illustrate my supposition is as follows: let’s say that maverique is…
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“yellow as a maverique”
disclaimer: this overly simplistic graphic is in NO WAY meant to illustrate nor erase the numerous and diverse genders that exist. JUST OVERSIMPLIFYING FOR EASE OF UNDERSTANDING, FOLKS! …had to put the disclaimer on the image itself as well because i know eventually Google will pick it up, separating it from this post and the context needed to view it with.
