gatekeeping Archives | Page 2 of 3 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “[my friend] told me that Ace/Aro ppl are not inherently part of the LGBT+ community unless if they identify as LGBT…”

September 13, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper. I’m still learning about all the different genders and sexualities and spectrums and I was talking to my friend the other day who’s more knowledgable than I am, and she told me that Ace/Aro ppl are not inherently part of the LGBT+ community unless if they identify as LGBT. I’m a little confused by this. Are asexuality and aromanticism not a part of LGBT+? She basically implied that bc Ace/Aro ppl are not part of LGBT+ they do not face oppression. I’m sorry if this is confusing. hello, anon. what your friend told you is nothing but her opinion and it’s an opinion that many, myself included, disagree with. you may feel like your friend is more knowledgeable than you are about gender and sexuality, but she is by no means an expert on the oppression that others do or do not face and it’s rather…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “What are your thoughts on the ‘ace discourse’?”

July 23, 2016 / 1 Comment

anonymous said: Hi! I really like your blog, and I’ve seen a few of your videos, you’re really cool and you helped me a lot on understanding my identity. I wanted to ask you, but of course you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, what are your thoughts on the ‘ace discourse’? hello and thanks for the kind words. 🙂 i’m going to be a bit pedantic and ask what exactly you’re referring to when you say ‘the ace discourse’ because i feel like this phrase is being used to refer to a lot of different (although related) stuff that’s been going on on Tumblr for a while now. do you mean how some people insist that inclusion in ‘the LGBT community’ is based on oppression? that aces aren’t oppressed at all? that aces are oppressed, but not for being ace? do you mean how some people insist that…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “Have you seen that post going around saying the being asexual is a modifier not an orientation?”

June 18, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Have you seen that post going around saying the being asexual is a modifier not an orientation? It also seemed to imply that asexuality is a choice? I’m really tired of misinformation about asexuals being spread around. …mmm, no i have not seen the post in question, but a quick search has brought up this post (warning: offensive ignorance is offensive) that i’m guessing might be the one you’re referring to…? was posted about 20hrs ago (i received this ask 4hrs ago) and yet has somehow already amassed 200 notes without a single critic of its content in sight. the spreading of misinformation (maliciously or not) is annoying indeed. that said, i just so happen to be Apathetic As Hell about what others think and am very confident and comfortable in my identity as an asexual, so it’s pretty easy for me to not give a damn about…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A not Q&A: “I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it.”

April 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know this discourse isn’t front and center rn but I caught your discussion with someone over the way alterous attraction is described, and as someone who IDs as alterous, I’m also actually frustrated with it. I hate the “more than friends” thing. I hate “just friends.” I have a QPP I feel platonically attracted to, and I have two romantic partners, but I also have a lot of people that I’m just attracted to on a deeply emotional level and it doesn’t make sense for me as a quoi person to try to distinguish whether it’s romantic or platonic, because it just…is. I really couldn’t tell you how I feel. Trying to label it conventionally (or at all, in most cases) just doesn’t work and feels forced. Alterous is the only descriptor I’ve really found for it. I just wish that the person (people?) describing it were….better at…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts, Gender[queer], Japan[ese], Queer[ness]

せーの、よっしゃー！ real life social networking (その②)

March 29, 2016 / No Comments

so a few weeks ago i unloaded my anxiety on here about going to a ジェンダーフリー / “gender free” party in Tokyo. well, it’s been a few days since the party and after a huge rant like that, you all deserve an update. plus i met another ace today and you’ll never guess what happened.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “I think opression is a determining factors for the LGBT+ community…”

March 22, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I think opression is a determining factors for the LGBT+ community, isnt the opression we shared what ended up bringing us together (re: this post) …this response started out short, but then it turned into me venting. sorry, anon. sure, for some it is a major– possibly even a determining– factor of their personal identity as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community. but like i said, imho, it isn’t the determining factor. even if one person does feel like it is the determining factor of their personal identity, it is a mistake to then assume that that holds true for everyone. not everyone’s identity is determined in part or entirely by their oppression. on top of that, oppression isn’t even something one can measure to determine whether someone is “oppressed enough” to have the right to identify as a part of the community. if someone was to try and measure…

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Vesper H.

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April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
Q&A

Q&A: “I’ve seen some people claim the ace community is racist, transphobic, and that hetero-romantic and aromantic aces don’t belong in the LGBTQ+ community…”

March 20, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: So, I’ve seen some people claim the ace community is racist, transphobic, and that hetero-romantic and aromantic aces don’t belong in the LGBTQ+ community. I was wondering, do you think there’s racism in the ace community? I’ve never noticed any, but then I’m white, so that’s not rlly my call. I think maybe it has to do with the use of the term allosexual, which has been said to have racist and transphobic roots. What’s your opinion on “allosexual”, and do you think “het aces” shld be included in the LGBTQ+ community? there are racist (and transphobic) people everywhere and the ace community is no exception to that. however, there being racist (and transphobic) people in the ace community doesn’t make the entire community racist (or transphobic). that would be an overgeneralization. people have made the claim that the term allosexual is racist and/or transphobic, but i…

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Vesper H.

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April 5, 2018

Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
[A]sexuality, [Random] Thoughts

sigh.

February 24, 2016 / No Comments

…so now i’m being accused of “attacking the [alterous] community as a whole” because i pointed out the overlapping usage of two concepts/terms and expressed concern over how things are being worded/conceived by some people while being “non aro” and “non alterous”. great. i love how the responsibility is being put on me to go to their askboxes and explain my feelings / view and that i’m being faulted for expressing my feelings on my own blog without coming to them personally instead. as if i have the time or responsibility to go to the askboxes of blogs every time i feel some kinda way about something. and then when one of them does reach out to me privately, there’s more ‘you’re not aro so stop talking.’ all of that aside, i do not understand how they are unable to see how off-putting they’re being. if i was at all leaning towards using alterous for…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “One of my cis male friends said he identifies as a lesbian.”

December 14, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: One of my cis male friends said he identifies as a lesbian. When I tried telling him that wasn’t okay, he said that I have to respect his identity and that anyone who identifies as a lesbian is a lesbian. He used nonbinary people as an example. He called me a gatekeeper. What can I do/say? Is he right? Can anyone id as a lesbian? Is it always bad to be a gatekeeper? …i find myself wanting to think that this friend of yours was just kidding, was just trying to pull your leg, was perhaps trying to put into words something about himself but upon failing at finding better words settling on those words– but perhaps i really am just grasping at straws and your friend really is just a cis binary male who identifies as a lesbian. i actually googled “male lesbian” just now and got a…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018
Q&A

Q&A: “So I have a friend who uses they/them/theirs and identifies as a lesbian.”

November 28, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I have a friend who uses they/them/theirs and identifies as a lesbian. A mutual friend of ours recently made a comment about how our friend is identifying “wrong” because only women can be lesbians. I’m not sure how to respond to this other than calling them an asshole, which I already did. Also I don’t know if I should tell my friend about this because like I said earlier they are also friends with said asshole. Advice, maybe? well, honestly i’m inclined to call someone who’s attempting to gatekeep or police someone else’s identity an asshole myself, so… that said, there are a few things i want to comment on even though i think that you and i are already on the same page about these things. your mutual friend indeed has no right to even suggest that your friend is identifying the “wrong” way. their comment is…

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Vesper H.

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