i’d make a quasi-linkspam of a post about the many times and ways that i’ve had aro aces tell me that i can’t do / say / talk about / feel / understand something because i’m “romantic”, but more than likely i’d get accused of being arophobic instead of, you know, pointing out a legitimate problem within the aro ace community that ought to be addressed.
anonymous said: (suicide ideation, death threat and conversion tw) i found an old post about a poc ace and went on their blog and they know say they don’t identify as ace because aces are bad, basically. and like, i’m literally crying. idk what to do, that just really struck me. someone who wrote about being queer, ace and a poc like me shitting on me and telling me my identity is inherently problematic when it’s the reason i can’t access mental health atm, which is something i need cause the ‘discourse’ & the violent abuse i faced on this website for, including death threats, caused me to fall back into suicidal ideation. and the only therapist available to me suggested conversion therapy (i live in a small central american country, there’s not much knowledge about these things- she thinks if i can be converted to straight, i will no…
anonymous said: when I go on the aesthetic tumblrs of allo/zedsexual people, I see SO much hatred for ANY terms more complex than “pan” or “gay”. these people – who are themselves trans and/or some kind of not straight – claim that ppl who use complex labels are confused and need to just use the simple terms that exist. I know, they’re wrong, but I see it so much from people I admire and it makes me feel alone. There aren’t many aesthetic blogs I can follow that aren’t like this, and I mainly aes blog so it’s something I can’t get away from. mutuals of my mutuals call themselves aphobes in their about pages…I know some ace ppl have done annoying things but I feel so alone. I felt so much joy when I could say I was pansensual but asexual and my life made so much more sense.…
anonymous said: Hi! I have a question about the definition of bisexuality. I’ve been using a “same + different” -definition and that’s what I’ve seen being used the most. “Two or more” is alright, but if “same gender” is not required, why is it not under heterosexuality? I’m assuming the reason is political, but I want to be sure. hello anon, i’m guessing that this ask is related to this post where i say that i personally find defining bi as attraction to “same and different / other gender(s)” to be problematic. there’s actually nothing “political” about why a person doesn’t have to experience attraction towards people of the “same” or “similar” gender to be bi. that is, unless you consider the feelings and experiences of bi non-binary people to be “political,” which i sincerely hope not. the reason why i personally, as well as many others, find the “same and different / other” definition of bi to…
anonymous said: It really annoys me when bi and trans allies state that acephobia is “just” recycled biphobia/transphobia/whatever. I appreciate the attempted support, because, by all means, let’s compare notes (otherwise, what’s the point?). But it bothers me nonetheless when the hatred specifically aimed at us is described as nothing but misdirected run-off from other groups. I want acephobia to be taken seriously in its own right, not just as a form of accidental collateral damage. Your thoughts? i totally understand where you’re coming from and can relate to feeling miffed at times when seeing some people compare “ace discourse” to past “discourse” involving bi people, trans people, etc. sometimes it’s done well and other times it’s…. yeah. before i say anything else, i have to admit that i myself also compare the current rendition of “ace discourse” and general acephobia on Tumblr to past (and present) “bi discourse” and biphobia…
anonymous said: i’m aromantic and i use alterous as an identity and a form of attraction because identifying as panplatonic e.g. is looked down upon a Lot in the community. it’s the special-snowflake-mogai-tumblr-a-spec-uwu kind of stuff that non a-spec people demonize and it makes me feel icky to identify as such but i still want to express my identity? so i use alterous (re: this post) …ah, yes. the whole “everyone’s panplatonic because everyone makes friends regardless of gender! stop trying so hard to be oppressed you special snowflake lulz” that i’ve seen some ‘discoursers’ spout. usually the same people who also make fun of aplatonic as a term. i totally support you and anyone else who uses alterous for themself regardless of the reason for doing so, anon. at the same time, i can’t help but be annoyed / pissed off that some people’s ignorance has made another identity feel inaccessible…
if you want to base your personal identity as part of the LGBTQIA community on the oppression that you face, be my guest. however, do not for a second think that you get to base my or anyone else’s identity as part of the LGBTQIA community on the oppression that any of us face. as if you even fucking know the oppression that i or anyone else face(s). as if everything that i am or anyone else is in relation to the LGBTQIA community could even be boiled down to the oppression that any of us face. seriously. fuck you. as a black person who is also non-binary, queer and ace it is so incredibly mindfucking to me how some people on [Tumblr] and in general insist on trying to boil the connection that i or anyone else has with the LGBTQIA community down to oppression. fucking oppression. and not just oppression, presumed oppression. how the…
anonymous said: okay sorry for dragging this in here, but. i’m nonbinary. and ppl have been saying that nb ppl ARE lgbt+. but here’s the thing: i’m also aro/ace. i no longer WANT to be part of that community, even if i “qualify” bc at the end of the day, they still don’t want me there. they may be accepting of my identity as nb, but that would mean ignoring my identity as aro/ace. if i’m gonna be accepted somewhere, i want to be accepted for all of me, not just part. just my 2 cents. hello anon, i feel you on this. i really do. as a non-binary, bi / pan ace i’ve also been faced with people wanting to selectively choose what part of my “counts” or is “valid reason” for me to be included in something. like you, i am of the stance that acceptance of me is an…
fortunefordisaster: queerascat: anonymous said: Hi Vesper. I’m still learning about all the different genders and sexualities and spectrums and I was talking to my friend the other day who’s more knowledgable than I am, and she told me that Ace/Aro ppl are not inherently part of the LGBT+ community unless if they identify as LGBT. I’m a little confused by this. Are asexuality and aromanticism not a part of LGBT+? She basically implied that bc Ace/Aro ppl are not part of LGBT+ they do not face oppression. I’m sorry if this is confusing. hello, anon. what your friend told you is nothing but her opinion and it’s an opinion that many, myself included, disagree with. you may feel like your friend is more knowledgeable than you are about gender and sexuality, but she is by no means an expert on the oppression that others do or do not face and…
anonymous said: Hi again, I’m the anon who sent the ask about my friend saying ace/aro ppl are not LGBT+. I guess the reason why I asked here is because I wanted to get a broader opinion other than just hers because I was taken aback when she said that. I’ve read up on it a bit more and I get that Ace/Aro can be cis and hetero but the ace/aro identity is still there…. so I literally don’t get how they can’t be part of LGBT+ according to her, so I’ll talk it out with her. Thanks for the resources, good stuff. (re: this post) based on my observations, often the people who focus their gatekeeping efforts on cisgender heteroromantic asexuals and / or cisgender heterosexual aromantics are people who view asexuality and / or aromanticism as a “blank slate” or lack of orientation. something to be overlooked in…
