• [Random] Thoughts,  Black[ness],  Japan[ese],  Mental [Un]health

    …today America elected Donald Trump as president.

    …today America decided for me that i can’t “come home” for at least another 4 years. i might not have anyway, but at least the option was there. there’s a lot of talk of people wanting to leave America. i get that. i said the same thing living in America when Bush was elected. if only i’d known that leaving America doesn’t actually mean escaping it. not like i’d thought, anyway. next year will be my 10th year of living abroad. i never imagined i’d ever live abroad at all let alone for as long as i have, but the longer i do the harder it becomes to envision a life back in America again. even so, 4 more years on top of the time i’ve already spent abroad puts me that much closer to having spent half of my life abroad… but perhaps that doesn’t even matter, because after today…

  • [Random] Thoughts

    done and done.

    just submitted my absentee ballot for the upcoming US general election….! this is my third time voting in a general election from abroad, but it’s the first time that i’ve been able to do so online. thank you, Nevada, for sucking less this year! took you long enough, goddamn. if Trump wins this election, i fucking swear to Cat God….

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Japan[ese]

    *yawns* …so that happened.

    …i’ve lived in Japan long enough that i rarely if ever experience culture shock anymore, but every time– EVERY time i’m in a Japanese LGBT space, be it at Pride, at a meetup or a bar / club the culture shock is so fkin profound it almost leaves me speechless… might write a blurb later about tonight’s ‘adventure’ at “lesbian night” at a local gay bar if ppl are interested. looking forward to the (gaijin! yes plzzzz) ace meetup tomorrow! although apologies in advance because i’m going to be dead on my feet. it’s 1:30am and i’m still walking home, but have to catch a super early train (among several) in the morning to get to Chiba…… (´-﹏-`;)

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Black[ness],  Japan[ese]

    adventures in Japanese TV: “haafu”

    aaahhh, more annoying Japanese TV. despite what i said (in Japanese) while letting off steam livetweeting on Twitter, i know it’s not fair of me to expect anyone, let alone this guy (Jun Soejima, an actor / “talent” btw), to react any certain way or educate the people around him on behalf of other black people in Japan. i really don’t actually expect that or anything else of him, despite my whining, but it does admittedly annoy me when people on Japanese TV just laugh off some really shitty, problematic stuff that people say or do to them, be it re: racial issues, trans issues, or anything else. they’re in a difficult situation and have all kind of things to consider when they react to something, whereas i can huff and puff at the TV saying all the choice words i like without consequence. i get that…. but meh. it was…

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Black[ness],  Japan[ese]

    story time: when “African” is more important than “American”

    a former coworker (W) and i were in Tokyo today at Sensoji, a major tourist trap in Asakusa that’s in every foreign EVERY guidebook ever. a place that i generally avoid except i was playing tour guide for the day. i was off somewhere snapchatting, as i do, and when i came back to where W was there was a random middle-aged Japanese man excitedly talking to him about where he was from (Colorodo). i’m standing there for a minute or two half listening to their convo while taking random photos, as i also do, when the man realizes that i’m with the guy he’s trying to chat up in broken English. he decides to do the same with me, except… man: ooh, where are you from? me: Las Vegas. man: no, where?? me: Las Vegas…? America…? *confused as people generally know Las Vegas* man: no no, where are you from long…

  • Feedback

    Feedback: “I’m in America, I don’t see any connection between my gender/sexuality. However, when I studied abroad in Italy, I felt like gender norms…”

    anonymous said: I just watched your new video on being non-binary and ace. When I’m in America, I don’t see any connection between my gender/sexuality. However, when I studied abroad in Italy, I felt like gender norms there were more strong and rigid. I identify as mostly a girl but in Italy there is so much open hypersexualization of black women. I wanted to be completely invisible,masculine, and felt way more asexual and dysphoric than in America. Do you experience these changes in intensity when you travel?   oh my god yes. a million times yes. gender norms, like social norms in general, are very much tied to culture, which means that they differ from culture to culture. on top of that, when you’re immersed in a culture that’s different from your own, the differences can exacerbate how one feels about the norms of the culture you’re immersed in… while…

  • Black[ness],  Japan[ese],  Q&A

    Q&A: “What do you think about the treatment of black people specifically in Japan?

    anonymous said: Hi, I’m also a black agender person from the states. What do you think about the treatment of black people specifically in Japan? hmm…. i’m finding this question really hard to answer because it’s so…. vague? and open-ended? hmm… i could respond to this with a really long winded answer, but i’m tired and should be in bed, so i’ll give you an abbreviated one! while Japan in has internalized antiblackness issues just like anywhere else, i don’t think that Japan (as a whole) treats black people any specific way. there are people who fetishize or idolize black (specifically black American) culture / music / people… these people are really fucking annoying to run into, but for the most part people are respectful and curious in a healthy way. aside from the aforementioned fetishists, i’d say the most troublesome thing that a black person encounters in Japan that…

  • 海外に行ったもうひとつの理由は、「どこかに行けば、もっと住みやすい場所があるのではないか」という自分探しの旅でもあったのです。海外を旅していて周囲からは「いいね、楽しそうだね」と言われたけれど、実は旅をしていた時が一番苦しかったと思います。

    逃げたいと思って行ったはずの海外はもっと残酷で、世界中のどこに行っても「She? He?」と聞かれ続けたのです。南極に行った時、男性とルームシェアをするのか女性とルームシェアをするのかで揉めた時に「世界の果てに行っても、性別からは逃げられないんだ。世界中のどこに行っても、自分からは逃げられない。」と気づきました。

    エジプトの砂漠で絶景を見て感動をしていても、心のどこかで自分の身体に苦しんでいる自分がいて「こんなところに来てまでも僕は自分の身体が嫌なんだ」と確信が生まれ、手術を決意したのです。

    ずっと生きやすい場所はないかと探してきたけれど、これからは自分にとって都合のよい場所を探すのではなく、今いる場所を気持ちよく生きられるようにしていこうと思うようになりました。

    杉山文野 - laph FTM マガジン Vol. 10 
    [Random] Thoughts,  Gender[queer],  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

    this quote though

    one more reason why i went abroad was because it was a trip for myself who thought ‘if i go somewhere there’ll be an easier place [for me] to live.’ while traveling those around me said ‘that seems fun, you must be enjoying yourself,’ but actually i think the time when i was travelling was the hardest. life abroad, where i thought i’d be able to get away [from it all] ended up being brutal and no matter where in the world i went i kept being asked ‘She? He?’ when i went to the South Pole i got into a dispute over whether to do a room share with males or females. then i realized ‘even if i go to the end of the world, i can’t escape being gendered. no matter where in the world i go, i can’t escape myself.’ even while being moved by the spectacular…

  • [Random] Thoughts,  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness],  YouTube[r]

    QAC 42 – Yokohama Rainbow Festa + Tokyo Meanderings | Tag Along

    Yokohama recently hosted its first Pride event, Yokohama Rainbow Festa! i decided to go and bring you all along for the fun. 🙂 it’s super rare that i find things for ace, non-binary and other lesser-known orientations at a Pride event,  especially in Japan, but this year i found quite a bit made by local artists. after Yokohama i headed to Tokyo where i met a new friend and fellow non-binary ace. we had yummy vegan food before heading to Shibuya where things got a bit…. Halloween-mob-crazy. Only In Tokyo, i swear. the video is long, but there’s a 14hr day crammed into those 17mins. 😛 obviously this jvlogger type of video is outside the norm for this channel, but if you like what you see give it a thumbs up! literally 2 full days worth of work went into this video, so this wont ever become a regular thing,…

  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Japan[ese],  Queer[ness]

    spotted: same-gender marriage feature on Japanese news

    there i was, doing stuff on my computer totally not paying attention to the news on TV, when i looked up and saw “LGBT” in big letters on the screen. i ran and got my phone to take photos lmao. the story was about an American and Japanese same-gender couple trying to get married in Japan. about how for the American it was so frustrating because same-gender marriage had finally been made legal in his home country, but here in Japan wedding agency after agency kept refusing them because they wouldn’t perform a same-gender wedding, but then finally after months of trying they found an agency who would wed them. they were even able to be wed at a shrine like they wanted. 🙂 in the end, they also got married in America too, so it was a happy ending! in Japan where LGBT/セクマイ awareness is extremely low and the…