Feedback: “I’m in America, I don’t see any connection between my gender/sexuality. However, when I studied abroad in Italy, I felt like gender norms…”

anonymous said:

I just watched your new video on being non-binary and ace. When I’m in America, I don’t see any connection between my gender/sexuality. However, when I studied abroad in Italy, I felt like gender norms there were more strong and rigid. I identify as mostly a girl but in Italy there is so much open hypersexualization of black women. I wanted to be completely invisible,masculine, and felt way more asexual and dysphoric than in America. Do you experience these changes in intensity when you travel?

oh my god yes. a million times yes.

gender norms, like social norms in general, are very much tied to culture, which means that they differ from culture to culture. on top of that, when you’re immersed in a culture that’s different from your own, the differences can exacerbate how one feels about the norms of the culture you’re immersed in…

while my gender identity itself and the disconnect between that and my sexuality remains unchanged regardless of where i am, the gender norms that i’m faced with change from place to place. people’s expectations of me based on the gender they assume me to be change from place to place. the intensity of the dismay/outrage that i feel over gender norms in general (not specifically those forced on me) changes from place to place. etc etc etc.

i feel like gender norms in Australia, where i lived for 3 years, weren’t much different from gender norms in America. meanwhile, i feel like gender norms in Japan, among other things related to gender & sexuality, is Next Level Shit that makes me want to scream incessantly on a regular basis.

sometimes it’s so bad that i think about going back to America… until i remember all the things that make me want to scream incessantly there, so nah.