as a teacher i’ve seen and heard of a lot of bullying, especially here in Japan where, sadly, #SpiritDay isn’t even really a thing. even though none of my students will take notice of it, i’ll be wearing purple today in honor of #SpiritDay. ※ took it upon myself to edit some of GLAAD’s #SpiritDay images to make them more accurate about myself and included an illustration of some homophobic and transphobic things i’ve heard my students saying to each other.
the following is a random blurb of thoughts after seeing this post. warning: negativity, sex talk || disclaimer: the negativity is aimed only at myself i’ve had issues supporting or even signal boosting anything that talks explicitly about “sex indifference” because of my own personal qualms with the term and how i see people describe what it means to be indifferent to sex. the way it’s described or defined varies greatly from person to person, but almost always there’s some sort of ‘but wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to the idea of having it’ tacked onto the rest and that bothers me. a lot. i used to casually refer to myself as sex indifferent, but now i can’t help but want to distance myself from the term as far as possible. but at the same time, i have no desire to take on the label of “sex averse” either. i think that at least…
for those who don’t know, i stopped talking to my mom back in July. the situation with my mom evolved over a long period of time and i’ve talked about it twice on YouTube. [ 1 + 2 ] well, today i want to say extremely tentatively that it seems like some progress has been made in terms of restarting our relationship. i’m trying really, really hard not to be overly optimistic because if i’m wrong and things fall apart again, it will hurt all the more if i let my guard down and allow myself to be happy now. (tl;dr below) in recent weeks prior to today mom has made attempts at contacting me with such conversation starters as “help me understand.”, “what is it you want me to say?” and “i’m taking your sister to the ER so i thought i’d message you (ie: please talk to me).” aside…
anonymous said: Hello, just asking cause I’m not entirely sure and I value your opinion… do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer. And I mean, is that something that should be allowed to be done without getting furiously shamed by other members of LGBT+ Because I’ve seen a lot of them get flack for using that term for themselves and now I’m not sure if it’s okay. I originally thought it was but… yeah. Thanks. ….ahhh, The Debate. which shouldn’t even really be the debate that it is in the first place, imho. i generally prefer to stay out of The Debate because i feel like The Debate itself is an example of identity policing, most often on the part of people who do not believe that heteroromantic aces or aro heterosexuals are a part of the LGBTQIA community to begin with (and i…
anonymous said: I need to talk to you again. I keep following people on [Tumblr] thinking they’re alright only to find out later that they think het ace people don’t belong in the community and they think it’s funny when people try to explain to them why they’re wrong and it’s just so upsetting. As someone who once only identified as het ace and found comfort in the community to further understand my sexuality it’s just really sad to think that het ace’s aren’t even valid here to most people. I get so upset about it and it feels like an attack on all asexuals and even aromantics like AGAIN what theyre saying is we’re not valid members of the community unless we identify as something else as well since the A part isnt that important well we might as well hand it over to the allies since they get…
anonymous said: Hi Vesper! Hope you’re well. I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space because it’s “not for them” (I’m Ace but not straight) and I found it really disheartening how so many people (Who are part of LGBT) agreed that they didn’t belong w/o listening to actual ace/aro people. To me it sounds like they want to drop the “A” altogether. I was just wondering what your thoughts are? Thanks. hi anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. sadly, people saying crap like this is nothing new. it is incredibly disheartening how people within the LGBT (and ace) community(ies) are so quick to police others’ identities. you’d think that people who have had their own identities policed wouldn’t rehash the same shit onto others, but no. everyone wants to host an…
anonymous said: Hello, Vesper. I was curious about how one goes about figuring out how one is asexual. I know I am gender neutral, or non-binary, but I have been questioning my sexuality. I know I have a high sex drive, but I’m unsure about my sexual attraction. I am sexually attracted to two people that I have know for almost a decade now, but those are the only two I’ve ever had a sexual attraction to. Also I appoligize about going anon, but I dont feel comfortable stating my sex drive under my profile. :o) hi. 🙂 sorry for not responding sooner. you’re probably already aware of this, but figuring out one’s sexuality is an extremely personal process/journey. there is no particulare way that one goes about doing it. that said, i think that the process/journey regarding discovering one’s sexuality is similar in some ways to how one…
anonymous said: I have repeatedly told my dad that I am asexual and he still thinks that i’m not. He says that I need to try being in a relationship before I can call myself asexual. I’m getting really tired of this and I just want him to understand. Do you have any information I can use to educate him on it? By the way I really want to thank you for making all of your videos about asexuality! Theyve really helped me! Thanks! 🙂 thank you! but it’s rather ironic that you’d ask me this while i myself am struggling with a parent who just doesn’t get it. that said, i’m sure there’s more hope for your dad than my #$faS@a mom. 😀 the thing is, understanding something like this is a two-way street. for your dad to truly understand who you are, he has to be willing…
anonymous said: Is it possible to be asexual but have sexual preferences? Like being sexually aroused by only male or female bodies, but never experiencing sexually attraction to anyone in real life? anyone can have preferences, be they sexual or otherwise. this includes asexuals. however, i’m not sure that who/what arouses someone would be considered sexual preference? after all, who/what arouses someone is beyond one’s control– arousal is a physiological thing that just happens, without any conscious effort or thought? where as a preference involves consciousness/thought….? i’m probably making no sense and complicating what should be a simple question and answer. sorry. :/ imho, the simple answer is “yes.” regarding not ever experiencing sexual attraction to someone in real life, you might be interested in looking into autochorissexual / aegosexual.
it’s been nearly a year and a half since i was outted to my ultra religious mom as a non-binary, panromantic / biromantic asexual. things have been, and continue to be, rough between us at times… that said, there has been progress. it took well over a year, but she’s now making an effort to come to terms with part of my sexuality….? meanwhile continuing to completely reject my gender. thus far, the road to acceptance and understanding has been long and hard; sadly, as of now, that road still has no end in sight. ——— LINKS ——— QAC 13 – Staying In The Closet → https://youtu.be/NDyEAyNxoEg QAC 23 – Being Forced Out of the Closet → https://youtu.be/HStZgJ4Ewm8 snippets of conversations with my mom: → http://queerascat.tumblr.com/tagged/conversations-with-mom —————————–
