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Q&A

Q&A: “Can I still be considered bi?”

August 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I have a question, sorry if you’ve been asked similiar ones before. I’m sure you have. I’m a female and I like men and nb genders. I feel like I like other females too, but not to the same degree. I can see myself doing some sexual things with them, and I am attracted to the female body. But I don’t know if I would go all the way with sex with a woman. I feel like this somehow makes me less bi :/ I guess my question is: can I still be considered bi? yes. 150% yes. it’s totally a misconception that bi people (and multisexual/multiromantic people in general) experience attraction equally or in the same exact way towards all of the genders that they are attracted to. this is nothing more than a misconception. a very harmful and often biphobic misconception– or even stereotype. more…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i’m wondering if i’m agender? but i’m unsure bc i don’t want to just coopt transness.”

August 1, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: i don’t understand gender. at all. it confuses me and when i see people who feel so strongly about their gender identity i respect it but i don’t get it. (i’m neurodivergent.) i know what clothes i like to wear and what genitals i have, but that’s not gender. so i’ve been calling myself cis because my assigned sex has never caused me discomfort. but the more i think about it the more i start wondering if i’m agender? but i’m unsure bc i don’t want to just coopt transness bc i’m confused… anon, it’s 110% okay to be confused. you would not be “coopting transness” by identifying as agender, i promise. not everyone is 100% sure of their gender and not everyone can even relate to the concept of gender. this does not disqualify someone from identifying as one gender or another. hell, there are plenty…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I literally feel myself becoming less into women and more into men. What should I do?”

July 17, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi, I have identified as pans but since I have been with my girlfriend for the past 5 years and with another girl 2 years before that ppl just assume I’m lesbian which I never minded until I started to take an interest in guys. I’ve told my gf but I don’t think she understands how much this is eating me up. I literally feel myself becoming less into women and more into men. What should I do? We are planning our future but for me I’m confused about everything I’ve began to accept about myself. hi, anon. sorry for taking so long to reply. i’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a tough situation. 🙁 i can’t tell you what you should do, but i would suggest that you try again to communicate exactly how you feel to your girlfriend. this is just my opinion…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality?”

July 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality? Like for a year claim im bi, then like turn around and the next year say im a lesbian but then question it again 2 years later?… not everyone is always (or ever) 100% certain of their sexuality. sexuality is very, very complex. hell, for some people it even changes over time. as such, some people question their sexuality for months or years, some people are perpetually in a state of uncertainty and some eventually identify as one thing or another only to question that identity again down the road. and all of this is 100% ok. there is nothing wrong with or strange about questioning one’s sexuality. there is nothing wrong with changing the word(s) you use to describe yourself, no matter how many times you do it. regardless of whether it is just the…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “…do you think there could be other types of attraction?”

July 7, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I know a lot of the time in discussions about asexual identities people break down attraction into 4 different categories: sexual, romantic, aesthetic, sensual (well and sometimes platonic). But do you think there could be other types of attraction? Sometimes I see people and I feel /something/ but I wouldn’t really categorize it as one of those – argh its so confusing! Am I just experiencing one of those types of attraction in a strange way?? without a doubt there could be (read: probably is) more to attraction than the categories that the ace and aro communities tend to refer to. attraction, as with feelings in general, is an insanely complex thing that most certainly cannot be neatly boxed into or described by categories. it doesn’t get said enough that not everyone even finds the existing categories helpful or meaningful in describing their attraction(s). you could be experiencing…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “if someone is a cis girl who is romantically attracted to girls and nonbinary people is she considered biromantic?”

July 6, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: if someone is a cis girl who is romantically attracted to girls and nonbinary people is she considered biromantic? or does biromantic just refer to being attracted to the binary genders? biromantic describes anyone of any gender who is romantically attracted to two or more genders, be those genders binary or not, so yes. biromantic would totally describe the person in question. it’s also worth mentioning that although biromantic is more commonly used, polyromantic– ie. romantic attraction to multiple (but not necessarily all) genders– could also describe the person in question. which term a person uses ultimately comes down to personal preference.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you think that would be poly or bi? I don’t feel I’m straight because of the attraction to nonbinary individuals, but…”

June 25, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m questioning currently. I’m female but attracted to males, demiboys, and some agender and genderfluid individuals. But mostly masculine presenting nb individuals. Do you think that would be poly or bi? I don’t feel I’m straight because of the attraction to nonbinary individuals. But I’m MOSTLY attracted to masculinity. hello, anon. i’ll be honest, this is kind of a tough ask for me to answer. it sounds like you’re looking to define your sexuality based on the appearance or gender expression of the people you are attracted to, whereas my understanding of attraction (in terms of orientations) is more based on a person’s gender identity rather than how a person presents themself. you said that you are mostly attracted to masculinity. people of literally ANY gender can present themselves in a masculine manner. does this mean that you could potentially be attracted to a masculine person of…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I discovered your youtube channel, and I don’t know why but…”

June 23, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I discovered your youtube channel, and I don’t know why but you talking about your experiences of being an ace bi/panro nb indivdiual has really helped me with figuring myself out. i’m honored to have been of help to you, anon. thank you for watching. 🙂

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “what does it mean when people identify as bi/pan or poly/pan or any other combination like that?”

June 23, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Im sorry if this is a dumb question, but what does it mean when people identify as bi/pan or poly/pan or any other combination like that. Is it like romantically they’re pan and sexually they’re bi, vice versa. Or is it something like they fall along somewhere between the two? I don’t know if I worded this clearly, I’m really curious and confused. Thank you for your time, you have a great blog btw. there is an infinite number of reasons why someone might identify as/with more than one orientation at the same time. for example, having a sexual orientation that differs from their romantic/etc orientation feeling like those orientations equally describe who they are feeling like a combination of those orientations feeling somewhere in between those orientations having a fluid sexuality that shifts between those orientations having a desire to be visible as a member of…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is it possible to be asexual but have sexual preferences?”

June 20, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it possible to be asexual but have sexual preferences? Like being sexually aroused by only male or female bodies, but never experiencing sexually attraction to anyone in real life? anyone can have preferences, be they sexual or otherwise. this includes asexuals. however, i’m not sure that who/what arouses someone would be considered sexual preference? after all, who/what arouses someone is beyond one’s control– arousal is a physiological thing that just happens, without any conscious effort or thought? where as a preference involves consciousness/thought….? i’m probably making no sense and complicating what should be a simple question and answer. sorry. :/ imho, the simple answer is “yes.” regarding not ever experiencing sexual attraction to someone in real life, you might be interested in looking into autochorissexual / aegosexual.

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Vesper H.

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