Hi, I have identified as pans but since I have been with my girlfriend for the past 5 years and with another girl 2 years before that ppl just assume I’m lesbian which I never minded until I started to take an interest in guys. I’ve told my gf but I don’t think she understands how much this is eating me up. I literally feel myself becoming less into women and more into men. What should I do? We are planning our future but for me I’m confused about everything I’ve began to accept about myself.
hi, anon. sorry for taking so long to reply.
i’m sorry to hear that you’re in such a tough situation. 🙁 i can’t tell you what you should do, but i would suggest that you try again to communicate exactly how you feel to your girlfriend.
this is just my opinion and nothing more, but i think that while there are certain things that one can only work out/work through for oneself (ie. accepting oneself, understanding one’s own feelings etc) there are also things that one should really work out/work through with one’s partner. imho, this includes determining how/if your feelings will affect your relationship and future with your girlfriend.
you said that you feel yourself becoming less into women and more into men. it’s not uncommon for the strength or level of attraction that one feels towards a particular gender to change. in this situation, perhaps the most important question is how does this change affect your attraction to your girlfriend? has the strength or level of attraction to your partner changed? just because your attraction to women in general has changed doesn’t mean that the attraction that you feel to your girlfriend can’t be an exception to that. that said, if it is not then that is definitely something that your girlfriend should know. what happens from there is something that the two of you will have to work out together.
i can only imagine how you must feel right now, anon, but stay strong. you and your girlfriend will get through this. i wish you both all the best.