Q&A Archives | Page 32 of 36 | Queer As Cat

Q&A

Q&A: “do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer?”

September 25, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hello, just asking cause I’m not entirely sure and I value your opinion… do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer. And I mean, is that something that should be allowed to be done without getting furiously shamed by other members of LGBT+ Because I’ve seen a lot of them get flack for using that term for themselves and now I’m not sure if it’s okay. I originally thought it was but… yeah. Thanks. ….ahhh, The Debate. which shouldn’t even really be the debate that it is in the first place, imho. i generally prefer to stay out of The Debate because i feel like The Debate itself is an example of identity policing, most often on the part of people who do not believe that heteroromantic aces or aro heterosexuals are a part of the LGBTQIA community to begin with (and i…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A not Q&A: “a person told me that I was “stealing other experiences” and “hurting other people that felt that way…”

September 24, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I have used the label neutrois for a a time now, but now I am using demiguy. I add that people could consider me a trans man now. I announce this decision on a group in facebook and a person told me that I was “stealing other experiences” and “hurting other people that felt that way” I said I was experimenting with label until I can find the one that “stick” and they think is a whim. not only is that person trying to invalidate your identity, they also seem to be trying to guilt trip you by suggesting that you are somehow hurting other people. gender/identity police and would-be gatekeepers are such asshats, i swear. i’m sorry that you’re dealing with a person (or even people) like this. for one, you are not “stealing” anything. no one owns nor has a monopoly on what it means to…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I’m about a 2 on the Kinsey scale. Am I bi?”

September 24, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi, so I’m about a 2 on the Kinsey scale. Am I bi? Do I still have the right to call myself bi? I don’t know I feel like I’m not bi enough there is no such thing as being “not bi enough”. the only thing that determines your identity is how you yourself identify. this is but one of the many reasons why i despise the Kinsey Scale, actually. it implies that there is some kind of sliding scale of “straightness”, “gayness” or “biness”, which is utter bullshit. no one need fulfill some arbitrary minimal requirement of “biness” or order to identity as bi. nor does anyone need to have some arbitrary minimal amount of experience with more than one gender in order to identify as bi. no one need prove nor justify their bi identity to anyone. that includes struggling to justify it to yourself, imho. if you feel like…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A not Q&A: “I keep following people on Tumblr thinking they’re alright only to find out later that…”

September 21, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I need to talk to you again. I keep following people on [Tumblr] thinking they’re alright only to find out later that they think het ace people don’t belong in the community and they think it’s funny when people try to explain to them why they’re wrong and it’s just so upsetting. As someone who once only identified as het ace and found comfort in the community to further understand my sexuality it’s just really sad to think that het ace’s aren’t even valid here to most people. I get so upset about it and it feels like an attack on all asexuals and even aromantics like AGAIN what theyre saying is we’re not valid members of the community unless we identify as something else as well since the A part isnt that important well we might as well hand it over to the allies since they get…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I like most genders but not male so am I poly?”

September 19, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I like most genders but not male so am I poly? I always said I am biromantic and like most genders but not male, however am I actually polyromantic, not biromantic? first of all i’d like to throw out my personal definition of these two identities/orientations so that we’re on the same page. biromantic: romantic attraction to two or more genders. polyromantic: romantic attraction to multiple genders. given the definitions above, biromantic and polyromantic are not mutually exclusive. there is overlap between the two definitions; “two or more” is analogous with “multiple”, the main difference is semantic. having said that, that isn’t to say that biromantic is analogous with polyromantic. both orientations are also identities. identities which are tied to their own respective histories, communities, etc, which are often tied to that of the bisexual and polysexual communities at large. the point i’m trying to make is…

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Black[ness], Gender[queer], Q&A, Queer[ness]

The Intersections of a Black, Non-binary Ace

September 16, 2015 / No Comments

i keep putting off talking about this topic because of feels and because i’m lazy stuff, but it’s 1:30am on a work night, i’ve just responded to an email from someone asking me about this topic and i’m too tired to censor myself or to overthink what people may think of my opinion. what a perfect opportunity to share my thoughts on Tumblr! let’s cut and paste.

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I would like to take a moment to be absolutely real with you.”

September 14, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous submitted: I would like to take a moment to be absolutely real with you. You are gold to me. My whole life I have been struggling with identity. Today I came across your Maverique video on YouTube and I completely lost it. Relief, a sense of pride……contentment. I bawled my eyes out for me, for younger me and for those who can finally feel less alienated now that you have coined Maverique. Thank you thank you! Bless xo Vesper: ;-; ….i swear, i haven’t done anything to deserve such kindness, but thank you. thank you so much for taking a moment to share this with me. it means so much to know that others like myself are out there and have found comfort in the gender identity. all the best to you, fellow maverique. 🙂

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Vesper H.

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[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation?”

September 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation? I don’t feel like I fit with aromantic either. Romantic orientation just doesn’t feel like a useful concept to me. I feel like I can’t even distinguish “romantic attraction” and “sensual attraction” and whatever. The way I’m attracted to people is in a way that I can’t pick apart: all the feelings go together and nothing stands out as ‘this specifically is romantic attraction.’ Can’t I /just/ be asexual? without a doubt you can (and should) feel free to discard or reject the idea of romantic orientation etc etc in regards to yourself if you do not find the concept to be useful to you. there is absolutely no requirement that you identify or describe yourself as anything. honestly, it would do the asexual community good to recognize that romantic orientation (among others)…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “People know me as “straight” but I am afraid to come out as bisexual when I really haven’t had any experience with girls.”

September 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Ever since elementary school I have looked at girls the same way I look at guys, but when I was younger I never thought anything of it. In 6th grade my first kiss was a girl, just a quick peck; since then I’ve only been with guys. I’m currently in a serious relationship with a guy, but lately I have been putting a lot of thought into my sexuality. People know me as “straight” but I am afraid to come out as bisexual when I really haven’t had any experience with girls. hello, anon! my apologies for taking so long to respond to your ask. ;( being in a relationship definitely makes coming out more challenging. on top of that, coming out as bi presents even more unique challenges. for one thing, people are likely to try and question or invalidate your sexuality because of your ‘lack of…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is it ok that I slowly accepted myself? Is it normal?”

August 30, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it ok that I slowly accepted myself? Like I though I was a cis girl, then when that got too uncomfortable I told myself “ok you’re a demigirl then” because I live in such a transphobic household with a strict binary and I enjoy dressing in a stereotypically female way. I recently told myself “okay. Think. She/her pronouns make you uncomfortable. Your name makes you uncomfortable. Are you really demigirl?” And I realized I’m nonbinary. Is that ok? To go through that? Is it normal? hello, anon. sorry for the slow reply. not only would i say that it’s okay to accept yourself slowly, i’d say that it’s actually very common for self-acceptance to be a slow process/journey. i honestly think that it is that way for most people. i know that for me personally learning to understand and accept both my sexuality and my gender…

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Vesper H.

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