Q&A: “People know me as “straight” but I am afraid to come out as bisexual when I really haven’t had any experience with girls.”

anonymous said:

Ever since elementary school I have looked at girls the same way I look at guys, but when I was younger I never thought anything of it. In 6th grade my first kiss was a girl, just a quick peck; since then I’ve only been with guys. I’m currently in a serious relationship with a guy, but lately I have been putting a lot of thought into my sexuality. People know me as “straight” but I am afraid to come out as bisexual when I really haven’t had any experience with girls.


hello, anon! my apologies for taking so long to respond to your ask. ;(

being in a relationship definitely makes coming out more challenging. on top of that, coming out as bi presents even more unique challenges. for one thing, people are likely to try and question or invalidate your sexuality because of your ‘lack of experience’ with people other than males. then there’s the fact that you’re in a serious relationship with a man, which people may try and use against you as well. your partner himself may question why you need come out at all since you’re in a relationship with him.

i say all this not to discourage you. i’m sure you’re already aware of at least some of the challenges you face, thus why you’re afraid to come out. that said, please do not feel forced to stay in the closet because of other people’s bullshit biphobia / sapphobia. please do not feel like you need to justify your sexuality to anyone, your partner included. your relationship history does not make you any less bi than anyone else and your history is no one’s business anyway. people may try to invalidate you/your feelings because people can be asshats but none of them, your partner included, has any right to try and invalidate who you are or your desire to come out.

if you do decide to come out, please make sure that it is safe to do so first. then talk to your partner about how you feel. chances are, he will need time to process what you tell him and he may begin to feel a bit insecure… be sure to reassure him of your feelings and commitment to him. you are entrusting him with this information about yourself because you love him and you want him to know about this important part of yourself, right? tell him that. the plus side of coming out while in a relationship is that the two of you can get through it together. you aren’t alone.

wishing you all the best.

YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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