[Random] Thoughts,  Japan[ese],  Mental [Un]health


as a follow up on this post about losing my job and a general life update, i guess:

after a month of what felt like running a 40km marathon of creating multiple resumes, writing cover letter after cover letter, waking up at 4am to catch the 6:20am train to Tokyo and back for interviews and such all before going to work for 8 hours that same day– i’ve finally got a new job…! and not just any job, a job that’s better than my current job in every possible way minus paid vacation– ouch. the new job is going to be really challenging for me because while i have experience teaching high school students, i have never actually taught at a high school let alone an international one! as much as i could jump out of my own skin right now out of anxiety, among other things, i’m also excited…! except for the part where i’m going to be worked nearly to death like your average Japanese person without adequate (if any) compensation for overtime. no, that will suck. a lot. but whatever, 頑張るから。

needless to say, landing the job has lifted a huge weight off my shoulders, but i’m still in the thick of things in so far as this third-life crisis goes and have a ways to go yet before i actually see a silver lining.

currently, i’m in the midst of applying for an apartment, which is a whole other marathon in and of itself. if things go well, i will be dropping $2k (which is actually pretty cheap for Japan) when i sign the lease this coming week. i’ll then have to drop another $1k to meagerly furnish the place because Japanese apartments generally come with diddly squat apart from a stove top and toilet. you literally have to buy everything, even curtains and light fixtures for the ceiling. as if it’s not enough that my bank account is already hemorrhaging with frequent trips on express trains to the Greater Tokyo Area, i’m about to have all of the meager savings that i finallymanaged to scrap together disappear entirely in a matter of weeks– and i still don’t even know when i’ll receive my first paycheck from my new employer.

yet another reason why i am anxious and stressed the fuck out right now. talk about “adulting” being hard. i could go on.

not only am i about to start a new job and finally take a step forward in my “career” (do i even actually have one?), i’m also on the verge of “resetting” my life in so far as one possibly can by starting a new lifestyle in a new city. i’ve spent 6 years living in Japan’s countryside and now i finally get to try out life in the city. in Yokohama, to be exact, although the heart of Tokyo will only be a 40 minute ride away. this “new lifestyle” will also involve a cat at some point–fucking finally– as well as lots of cautiously-executed-because-complicated queer shit. eventually.

i want to say that life is exciting right now, but i’m still not there yet. still gasping for air as it feels like i barely have time to even exist amidst everything that’s going on right now and there are still so many things that need to happen in rapid succession. the clock is ticking, funds are waning and i’m just trying to keep up with it all while simultaneously navigating life in general in a foreign country with foreign customs in a foreign language.

expat life ftw, or some shit like that.

if i can find the time and energy, i hope to make a video this weekend about how i went about job hunting as a non-binary gaijin in Japan and how that has worked out for me thus far, but i won’t be going into any of the life details that i’ve mentioned here. it’s nice to be able to word vomit my life somewhere.


YouTuber and Blogger, Vesper is an American expat currently living in Japan.

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