sexuality Archives | Page 3 of 7 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Feedback, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Feedback: “your video on attraction & gender envy was rly interesting!”

October 13, 2016 /

anonymous said: your video on attraction & gender envy was rly interesting! Im also ace and nb and i think about it a lot about lately. I struggle to separate my looks-based/aesthetic attraction for masc ppl from dysphoria based envy and I thought it was just me! ( re: this post ) with 30+ people and counting on YouTube and many more elsewhere commenting that they’ve also had similar experiences, it looks like neither of us was as alone in our experiences as we’d thought. 🙂

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Vesper H.

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one of many reasons why “QUEER” means so much to me.

September 23, 2016 / 1 Comment

[ CAPTION: a long, white image with “QUEER” faded in rainbow gradient in the background behind text written using various fonts in various sizes, colors and line-weight reading “sometimes identity is a journey. so far mine has gone something like this – queerascat.tumblr.com HOLY SHIT, i’m BISEXU– wait, no, i’m PANSEXUAL! oh, but demisexuality? i’m DEMI-PANSEXUAL! but wait, what if i’m a LESBIAN??? no, WAIT! i’m NOT EVEN FEMALE!!! (no shit sherlock! plus you like who you like of any gender!) oh god, not even demi, TOTALLY ACE after all… shiiiiittt… panromantic ace! biromantic ace? PANro and BIro ACE! lolol wtf was i ever even thinking??? OF COURSE i’m a BI (sans ‘romantic’) & PAN (sans ‘romantic’) ACE. but grayro? quoiro? BI-PAN-GRAY-QUOIRO?? ugh, what the fuck ever. i’ll use whichever word(s) whenever it feels right to do so, but QUEER is the one word that has ALWAYS felt right. – Vesper 09/23/2016…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I can’t explain why it’s so easy for me to say I’m trans and so hard to say I’m a lesbian…”

September 9, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hello. I’ve always been aware and proud, even as a kid, of my transgender identity. It was never hidden. But when it comes to sexuality it’s another story. Now that I’m older, I know that I have always been a lesbian but the less I can say is that I’m not very clear about it, I’m ambiguous when I speak about sexual orientation with people. Always fighting for lgbt rights but not saying clearly that I’m gay. I can’t explain why it’s so easy for me to say I’m trans and so hard to say I’m a lesbian hi, anon. i’m afraid that i don’t have any solid answers for you… i’m sure that a lot is involved in why you find it so hard to be as open about your sexuality as you are about being trans. to throw out but a few (among many) possible factors,…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Can I be heterosexual but biromantic in this case?”

September 9, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hii… Ummm I have a question. I’m a cis-woman. All my life, I identified as just being straight but for a couple of years now, I have found myself being attracted to several women who seem androgynous or more masculine presenting(?) Idk if this is a good description. Idk what to feel bc I’m not sure if I want to have sex with them but I am attracted to them? Can I be heterosexual but biromantic in this case? I’m so confused. I feel weird my feelings are all over the place. hello. 🙂 there are certainly people who identify as biromantic heterosexual whose experiences are similar to yours, anon! having said that, i think you’ll also find that people with experiences which are similar to yours identify in all kinds of ways because there is no One True Way™ for anyone to identify. for example, not everyone…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A not Q&A: “maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality…”

August 22, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: maybe anon has a problem with compulsory heterosexuality / the fact that they were raised to be available to men? I have a similar problem – logically I don’t CARE if men find me attractive, and yet I can’t stop fretting over not being “acceptable” to them. I don’t have this problem with other people even though men are the group I’m actually least interested in. I hate this and I’m trying to let go of this feeling, but it’s hard. (re: this post) that thought occurred to me, but i didn’t want to make assumptions about anon’s gender or even their AGAB, so i erred on the side of giving general commentary with that ask. but yeah, internalized heteronormativity and compulsory heterosexuality is definitely a thing that many people struggle with and anon may also be struggling with. it’s social programming that can be extremely difficult to…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
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Q&A: “im gay and ive known for like almost 2 years now but every time a guy talks to me i can’t help but…”

August 22, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: hey so like im gay and ive known for like almost 2 years now but every time a guy talks to me i can’t help but ask for more attention or flirt back i have a problem w saying no a lot and maybe that’s why but is it normal ? hi, anon. i’m a bit confused by your ask and am not sure whether i’m understanding it correctly, but… a person can definitely enjoy receiving attention from someone and initiating / returning flirting with someone even if they’re not actually interested in that person in any way. some people enjoy / do those things with anyone and some people don’t, but either way it doesn’t necessarily say anything about you as a person or your sexuality. besides, you know yourself, anon. if you’re gay you’re gay! trust yourself. also, try not to compare your actions or feelings…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both….”

August 2, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: You asked for help concerning the 2 anons in the same situation. It seems to me they separate love life and sex life. Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both for the same person. Sex and romance seem incompatible. Sadly I can’t think of one and only term that includes the 2 parts of this orientation. (re: these posts) i have no way of actually knowing whether or not the two anons are referring to the exact same thing, but… i feel like saying “they separate love life and sex life” is oversimplifying things and kind of suggests that it’s something that they decidedly do rather than just being how they experience things, even though i know you probably didn’t mean to imply that. i do get what you (and the other…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…maybe that anon was talking about nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex.”

August 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I saw your answer about fraysexuality. I don’t know if I can be helpful but maybe that anon was talking about nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex. This is how I feel myself but I could not find a word mixing my sexuality and my romantic attraction. And I would love to find this word. The definition of fraysexual doesn’t describe how I feel. (re: this post) i very well could have misunderstood the anon in that ask. perhaps they, like you, feel like fraysexual isn’t the word they’re looking for. nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex… i’m afraid that i’m drawing a blank when it comes to thinking of a word that encompasses all of that. which isn’t to say that such a word doesn’t exist, i just don’t know of it or am unable to think of it at the moment. can anyone else help anon…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I can’t have sex with someone I love and I can only have sex with someone when…”

July 31, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I can’t have sex with someone I love and I can only have sex with someone when I don’t have feelings for this person. A name for me? I read about allochronic orientation. fraysexuality comes to mind and may be something worth looking into. including a link to get you started because, sadly, there seems to be a lot of negativity being directed at this orientation. if you do look into this orientation, take care doing so, anon.

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Vesper H.

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…limitations of intersectionality

May 29, 2016 / 1 Comment

…so earlier today i was interviewed for an upcoming podcast for queer people of color. it was great! i spilled my guts all over the place in a rather embarrassing way and it’ll be available for your amusement in the near future! but now i feel a need to unload some disjointed, messy feels about intersectionality. tl;dr: it’d be nice if intersectionality could happen on more than just two (occasionally three) axes at a time, but that’s unlikely to ever happen.

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Vesper H.

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