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Queer As Cat

gender・ sexuality・ race ・intersectionality

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    • About QAC
    • About Vesper
  • Photos
    • Instagram
    • Tokyo Rainbow Pride
      • 2014
      • 2015
      • 2016
      • 2017
      • 2018
  • Resources
    • Asexual POC Resources
    • #LGBTQIA in Japan
  • Contact

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “do you think there’s something about sex positivity that oppresses aces of color?”

    November 7, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: So I’m ace, and I’ve started questioning where I stand on the whole “sex positive/negative” thing. I’ve generally been really sex positive because I believe people should do what they want as long as it’s consensual. So I replied to another ace who was telling college freshmen to “chill” about having sex so soon by telling them that it’s not really their business. And eventually it escalated to them calling me a racist for being sex positive and they didn’t really explain why? They said something about me silencing and erasing people and pressing my white views onto others, but they didn’t give any explanation for all that. I want to learn more, but I feel like if I ask them, they won’t explain anything and they’ll just keep insulting me. So, feel free to not to answer this if it seems like I’m barging in here and…

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    Vesper H.

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    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once to know that for sure!””

    October 30, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: So I think I’m asexual, but my friends are all like “You should at least have had sex once/masturbated once to know that for sure!” but the thing is I really think sex is gross. Like, I can’t even imagine having sex with someone and I already tried masturbating many times, but I never thought about it as something that gives you pleasure since I never had an orgasm or something like that. I just don’t know how to feel about all this or what to think. you do not need to have had sex or masturbated to know who you are. no one does. your friends are wrong. chances are that your friends knew who they were before they ever had sex or masturbated. they just knew. they obviously do not realize it, but they’re being hypocrites by holding you to a standard that they do not…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Is it sexual attraction if I want to do sexual things with someone even if I don’t find their bodies arousing?”

    October 13, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Is it sexual attraction if I want to do sexual things with someone even if I don’t find their bodies arousing? I’ve been calling myself demi but I’m not sure now. When I fall for people I really want to see them enjoy themselves sexually but not necessarily be part of it like autochorissexualism. Although I do enjoy sex with someone I love. I also find them more aesthetically appealing the more I like them. I just don’t know if my attraction is truly sexual. Help me?   i can’t give you a straight yes or no answer to whether you’re experiencing sexual attraction or not since it’s impossible for me to really know what exactly you’re experiencing, plus i’m no expert on sexual attraction either way, but…. in my humble opinion, there is a difference between not feeling drawn to a person in a sexual way, but…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Queer[ness]

    sex indifference & aversion: not a matter of one or the other but both?

    October 6, 2015 / No Comments

    the following is a random blurb of thoughts after seeing this post. warning: negativity, sex talk || disclaimer: the negativity is aimed only at myself i’ve had issues supporting or even signal boosting anything that talks explicitly about “sex indifference” because of my own personal qualms with the term and how i see people describe what it means to be indifferent to sex. the way it’s described or defined varies greatly from person to person, but almost always there’s some sort of ‘but wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to the idea of having it’ tacked onto the rest and that bothers me. a lot. i used to casually refer to myself as sex indifferent, but now i can’t help but want to distance myself from the term as far as possible. but at the same time, i have no desire to take on the label of “sex averse” either. i think that at least…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    July 23, 2017

    an example of intersectional acephobia if ever there was one…

    December 16, 2015

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    January 6, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Im a lesbian and i am not attracted to penises at all. the girl im dating is trans and…”

    June 7, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Im a lesbian and i am not attracted to penises at all,the girl im dating is trans shes really great and im attracted to her but im unsure if i would enjoy having sex with her and i do not want her to be offened for not being attracted to her genitals   hello, anon. you don’t seem to be asking a question in this ask, so i’m unsure what kind of response you’re looking for. that said, there seems to be something that you haven’t considered (or at least haven’t mentioned here) that i’d like to point out. while it’s good that you’re concerned about how your lack of attraction* to certain genitalia could be offensive to your girlfriend, you don’t seem to have considered her feelings beyond that? that she may not be comfortable having sex with you to begin with for various reasons. the topic…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction?”

    June 1, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: So, I have identified as a panromantic asexual for a while now, but I just entered my first romantic relationship and am beginning to question this. We make out sometimes, and I get aroused. How can I tell the difference between libido and sexual attraction? He’s the only one I would want to have sex with, but is this sexual attraction or just loyalty to my partner?   hello, anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask! i can’t tell you whether what you’re experiencing is one thing or another. ultimately, only you can decide that. i can say, however, that becoming aroused can and does happen to anyone, regardless of what their sexual orientation is. it’s simply a physiological reaction to stimuli which has no bearing on one’s sexual orientation. also, i personally do not consider arousal to be the same thing as libido/sex…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • [A]sexuality,  [Random] Thoughts,  Queer[ness]

    sexnormativity

    January 12, 2015 / 2 Comments

    like “heteronormativity” and “amatornormativity”, can we please make “sexnormativity” a thing? simply put: sexnormativity: the assumption that sexual attraction and/or a desire for sex is a universal trait that everyone shares. the ace community has long since been battling sexnormativity as it plays a large role in a/acephobia. however, aces are not the only ones suffering from sexnormativity. people who are repulsed by and/or adverse to sex people with “low”/”high” libidos teenagers young adults seniors survivors of sexual assault/abuse and so many more literally anyone and probably everyone is affected by sexnormativity to some degree or another at some point in their life because sexnormativity ties into so many things: peer pressure, stereotypes, hypersexualization, desexualization, heteronormativity, amatonormativity, slut-shaming, victim blaming, trauma invalidation, erasure, parental/familial expectations and the list goes on. awareness and discussion of sexnormativity needs to go beyond the confines of the ace community. please let this be a thing that the world is made…

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    Vesper H.

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12

VESPER H.

YouTuber & Blogger

Queer As Cat is the blog and YouTube channel of Vesper, an American expat currently living in Japan.
reoccurring topics include: #asexuality, #nonbinary, #queerness #blackness & #mentalhealth

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Recent Posts

  • literal “social distancing” from the ace community April 1, 2020
  • legalized weed in America: one of many chips on my Black shoulder March 7, 2020
  • willpower, sweat, and tears January 30, 2020
  • 🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA January 4, 2020
  • #YouTubeIsOverParty: COPPA & The Hypocrisy of YouTube December 15, 2019

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