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  • Home
  • About
    • About QAC
    • About Vesper
  • Photos
    • Instagram
    • Tokyo Rainbow Pride
      • 2014
      • 2015
      • 2016
      • 2017
      • 2018
  • Resources
    • Asexual POC Resources
    • #LGBTQIA in Japan
  • Contact

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  • Q&A

    Q&A: “I’m about a 2 on the Kinsey scale. Am I bi?”

    September 24, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Hi, so I’m about a 2 on the Kinsey scale. Am I bi? Do I still have the right to call myself bi? I don’t know I feel like I’m not bi enough there is no such thing as being “not bi enough”. the only thing that determines your identity is how you yourself identify. this is but one of the many reasons why i despise the Kinsey Scale, actually. it implies that there is some kind of sliding scale of “straightness”, “gayness” or “biness”, which is utter bullshit. no one need fulfill some arbitrary minimal requirement of “biness” or order to identity as bi. nor does anyone need to have some arbitrary minimal amount of experience with more than one gender in order to identify as bi. no one need prove nor justify their bi identity to anyone. that includes struggling to justify it to yourself, imho. if you feel like…

    continue reading
    Vesper H.

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    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • [A]sexuality,  Q&A,  Queer[ness]

    Q&A: “Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation?”

    September 10, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Do you think its okay for me (personally) to reject the idea of romantic orientation? I don’t feel like I fit with aromantic either. Romantic orientation just doesn’t feel like a useful concept to me. I feel like I can’t even distinguish “romantic attraction” and “sensual attraction” and whatever. The way I’m attracted to people is in a way that I can’t pick apart: all the feelings go together and nothing stands out as ‘this specifically is romantic attraction.’ Can’t I /just/ be asexual?   without a doubt you can (and should) feel free to discard or reject the idea of romantic orientation etc etc in regards to yourself if you do not find the concept to be useful to you. there is absolutely no requirement that you identify or describe yourself as anything.  honestly, it would do the asexual community good to recognize that romantic orientation (among others)…

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    Vesper H.

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    …one of many examples of why navigating セクマイ / LGBTQIA spaces in Japan can be painful at times.

    October 7, 2016

    QAC 36 – What Acephobia & Asexual Erasure Looks Like

    April 27, 2015

    QAC 39 – Biromantic + Panromantic Pride! | Being Both Bi & Pan

    September 23, 2015
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Is it ok that I slowly accepted myself? Is it normal?”

    August 30, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Is it ok that I slowly accepted myself? Like I though I was a cis girl, then when that got too uncomfortable I told myself “ok you’re a demigirl then” because I live in such a transphobic household with a strict binary and I enjoy dressing in a stereotypically female way. I recently told myself “okay. Think. She/her pronouns make you uncomfortable. Your name makes you uncomfortable. Are you really demigirl?” And I realized I’m nonbinary. Is that ok? To go through that? Is it normal?   hello, anon. sorry for the slow reply. not only would i say that it’s okay to accept yourself slowly, i’d say that it’s actually very common for self-acceptance to be a slow process/journey. i honestly think that it is that way for most people. i know that for me personally learning to understand and accept both my sexuality and my gender…

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    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “I’m very hesistant to identify as nonbinary because as a dmab individual…”

    August 27, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I’m very hesistant to identify as nonbinary because as a dmab individual, I’ve been told that I’m a male my whole life even if I haven’t neccessarily felt that way. It’s one of those things that’s so ingrained in my being that I can’t imagine anyone seeing past it. I’m cis-passing and privileged to the point that calling myself non-binary, calling myself trans feels like hijacking and claiming a struggle, an oppression that I haven’t really faced. :/ I don’t want to be problematic. Any thoughts?   hello, anon. 🙂 it sounds like your policing your own identity and i think that it is fairly safe to say that many maaaany people do this/feel this way when they first begin to question their gender identity. i just want to stress that if you feel that you are not the gender that you were assigned at birth, then you…

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    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Is it possible to be Heteroromantic, bisexual and asexual all at the same time?”

    August 10, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Is it possible to be Heteroromantic, bisexual and asexual all at the same time?   it is entirely possible to be heteroromantic and __sexual at the same time. i am confused, though. what do you mean by bisexual and asexual? do you fluctuate between the two? or perhaps you experience sexual attraction towards some genders but then experience none towards other(s)? if it’s the latter, i’d personally (and this is just what i’d personally do, i am not telling you to do this) probably identify as heteroromantic bisexual rather than heteroromantic bisexual asexual. being bisexual does not mean that you experience sexual attraction indiscriminately. it’s common for there to be gender(s) that one isn’t sexually attracted to, so i wouldn’t feel a need to identify as asexual on top of bisexual. also, being asexual means that one doesn’t experience sexual attraction regardless of gender, which contradicts being bisexual.…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Can I still be considered bi?”

    August 1, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: I have a question, sorry if you’ve been asked similiar ones before. I’m sure you have. I’m a female and I like men and nb genders. I feel like I like other females too, but not to the same degree. I can see myself doing some sexual things with them, and I am attracted to the female body. But I don’t know if I would go all the way with sex with a woman. I feel like this somehow makes me less bi :/ I guess my question is: can I still be considered bi?   yes. 150% yes. it’s totally a misconception that bi people (and multisexual/multiromantic people in general) experience attraction equally or in the same exact way towards all of the genders that they are attracted to. this is nothing more than a misconception. a very harmful and often biphobic misconception– or even stereotype. more…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “i’m wondering if i’m agender? but i’m unsure bc i don’t want to just coopt transness.”

    August 1, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: i don’t understand gender. at all. it confuses me and when i see people who feel so strongly about their gender identity i respect it but i don’t get it. (i’m neurodivergent.) i know what clothes i like to wear and what genitals i have, but that’s not gender. so i’ve been calling myself cis because my assigned sex has never caused me discomfort. but the more i think about it the more i start wondering if i’m agender? but i’m unsure bc i don’t want to just coopt transness bc i’m confused…   anon, it’s 110% okay to be confused. you would not be “coopting transness” by identifying as agender, i promise. not everyone is 100% sure of their gender and not everyone can even relate to the concept of gender. this does not disqualify someone from identifying as one gender or another. hell, there are plenty…

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    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
  • Q&A

    Q&A: ” I’ve always identified sexually as bi, but maybe I’m homo?”

    August 1, 2015 / No Comments

    coffeeartheart said: So I watched your video ‘QAC 03’ and Its a lot to take in. I’m 20 and it just occurred to me that I may be (if I got it right) a Biromantic Homosexual but I was looking for conformation: What if I love ladies sexually in both a visual and physical way and I find guys attractive in a sexual way and want them to hold me, but the moment things get even remotely sexual it’s like I thought of dead puppies. I’ve always identified sexually as bi, but maybe I’m homo? Sorry for my personal inquiries..   hi! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. your ask itself is most certainly not something you need apologize for! a common misconception that people have is that bisexual are assumed to be equally attracted to all of the genders that they are attracted to. while…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “I was curious about how one goes about figuring out how one is asexual.”

    July 21, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Hello, Vesper. I was curious about how one goes about figuring out how one is asexual. I know I am gender neutral, or non-binary, but I have been questioning my sexuality. I know I have a high sex drive, but I’m unsure about my sexual attraction. I am sexually attracted to two people that I have know for almost a decade now, but those are the only two I’ve ever had a sexual attraction to. Also I appoligize about going anon, but I dont feel comfortable stating my sex drive under my profile. :o)   hi. 🙂 sorry for not responding sooner. you’re probably already aware of this, but figuring out one’s sexuality is an extremely personal process/journey. there is no particulare way that one goes about doing it. that said, i think that the process/journey regarding discovering one’s sexuality is similar in some ways to how one…

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    Vesper H.

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    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016

    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018
  • Q&A

    Q&A: “Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality?”

    July 10, 2015 / No Comments

    anonymous said: Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality? Like for a year claim im bi, then like turn around and the next year say im a lesbian but then question it again 2 years later?…   not everyone is always (or ever) 100% certain of their sexuality. sexuality is very, very complex. hell, for some people it even changes over time. as such, some people question their sexuality for months or years, some people are perpetually in a state of uncertainty and some eventually identify as one thing or another only to question that identity again down the road. and all of this is 100% ok. there is nothing wrong with or strange about questioning one’s sexuality. there is nothing wrong with changing the word(s) you use to describe yourself, no matter how many times you do it. regardless of whether it is just the…

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    Vesper H.

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    “the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”

    April 5, 2018

    Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”

    February 23, 2016
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VESPER H.

YouTuber & Blogger

Queer As Cat is the blog and YouTube channel of Vesper, an American expat currently living in Japan.
reoccurring topics include: #asexuality, #nonbinary, #queerness #blackness & #mentalhealth

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Recent Posts

  • literal “social distancing” from the ace community April 1, 2020
  • legalized weed in America: one of many chips on my Black shoulder March 7, 2020
  • willpower, sweat, and tears January 30, 2020
  • 🎬 QAC 79 – The Neverending Queer-y: My Queer Ace Journey || LGBT YouTube & COPPA January 4, 2020
  • #YouTubeIsOverParty: COPPA & The Hypocrisy of YouTube December 15, 2019

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