This Is Fine.
in 2015, i wrote a random, word vomit of a post about being “WhenTheStarsAlignHyperRo[mantic]” while offhandedly reflecting back on what little ‘data’ i had to work off of in trying to figure out my own experience of romantic attraction (or lack thereof). it was the first second (in so far as i remember) time i had questioned not being (allo)romantic outside of my head (& journal) while shrugging off identifying as being on the aromantic spectrum.
“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
note: this post has been ported over as-is from Tumblr for my own future reference. anonymous submitted: (i had a long question, so, i hope it’s ok to use submit instead of sending multiple asks.) as a disclaimer, i ask this as an ace person who usually just ids as queer ace or grey ace. i’m not asking to be combative or make anyone feel bad.
Q&A: “I don’t have any interest in a romantic or sexual relationship, but I know I can feel romantic attraction…”
anonymous said: Hi Vesper. I’m pretty certain that I like on both the aro- and Ace-spectrums; I’m not exactly sure where, but I’m not comfortable using the q word (I’m not sure what your blog’s policy in the word is, but better safe than sorry). I don’t have any interest in a romantic or sexual relationship, but I know I can feel romantic attraction. I’ve recently started just describing myself as “basically Aroace” and was wondering what your thoughts on the acceptability of this are. my opinion is that you should and have every right to use whatever words feel comfortable for you in describing yourself and that any and all consideration given to the “acceptability” of it can and should get the fuck out of your way if its making things difficult or uncomfortable for you, but that’s just me. having only gotten 6ish hours of sleep over the…
Q&A: “[i] need help finding a word for my gender identity, if possible?”
anonymous said: need help finding a word for my gender identity, if possible? agender was close, but its not that i dont have a gender, its that my gender is neutral. neutrois appears to be the closest thing, from the definitions ive seen. while i do have dysphoria & have thought abt certain aspects of transitioning, and a desire to be neutral in appearance – all aspects of definitions of neutrois ive seen – it appears to /require/ these things. and that heavy medical/clinical emphasis makes me v uncomfortable. oh, anon… if only you knew how ironic if feels to be on the receiving end of this ask. and in fact, i’ve been on the receiving end of an ask like this before. you aren’t alone in your discomfort. the irony, though? that i feel the same way and have felt this way since 2012, back when neutrois was much…
one of many reasons why “QUEER” means so much to me.
[ CAPTION: a long, white image with “QUEER” faded in rainbow gradient in the background behind text written using various fonts in various sizes, colors and line-weight reading “sometimes identity is a journey. so far mine has gone something like this – queerascat.tumblr.com HOLY SHIT, i’m BISEXU– wait, no, i’m PANSEXUAL! oh, but demisexuality? i’m DEMI-PANSEXUAL! but wait, what if i’m a LESBIAN??? no, WAIT! i’m NOT EVEN FEMALE!!! (no shit sherlock! plus you like who you like of any gender!) oh god, not even demi, TOTALLY ACE after all… shiiiiittt… panromantic ace! biromantic ace? PANro and BIro ACE! lolol wtf was i ever even thinking??? OF COURSE i’m a BI (sans ‘romantic’) & PAN (sans ‘romantic’) ACE. but grayro? quoiro? BI-PAN-GRAY-QUOIRO?? ugh, what the fuck ever. i’ll use whichever word(s) whenever it feels right to do so, but QUEER is the one word that has ALWAYS felt right. – Vesper 09/23/2016…
Re: Re: “Why do you think some nb genders are becoming more well known than other nb genders?”
nextstepcake: queerascat: nextstepcake: queerascat: anonymous said: Hey Vesper! I have a question. I’ve noticed that within the nonbinary and larger trans and queer and so forth communities, some nonbinary genders seem to get more recognition than others. Some- especially maverique as I’ve noticed- are hardly known of by many other nonbinary and/or trans people, while others such are gaining recognition in trans, nb, and other circles much more quickly in comparison. Why do you think some nb genders are becoming more well known than other nb genders? hi anon, this is a really tough question. not just because of how subjective it is (i mean, what even counts as ‘recognition’, let alone what counts as ‘more’ or ‘more quickly’), but also because there are an infinite number of factors involved in why any non-binary gender gets any amount of recognition at all. imho, some non-binary genders are more commonly recognized…
Q&A: “I’m the anon reading lexicons in order to find a word…”
anonymous said: I’m the anon reading lexicons in order to find a word to describe myself. Thank you very much for taking so much time for me, for your long, very interesting and helpful answer. In fact, I was only looking for a single word because everybody here seems to have one (they say ‘hi I’m this or that’) and it was driving me crazy that there wasn’t one for me. I thought everyone but me had a word that suited completely. You put my mind at ease. You’re right I should find my own combination of words. (re: this post) no problem, anon. thanks for coming back and responding. 🙂 even though it may feel like everyone has a particular word / identity / label that describes them completely, rest assured that that totally is not the case. not everyone is able to (or even wants to) put a…
Q&A: ” can’t find a word that completely describes myself. Perhaps you can help.”
anonymous said: Despite reading lexicons, I can’t find a word that completely describes myself. Perhaps you can help. Description of my person: AFAB, I love and I’m happy with my female body, don’t want a male body; crossdressing, men’s clothes, very feminine underwear, make-up, long hair, love my androgynous face. Psychologically sometimes really feel like I’m a man, sometimes quite like a girl, rarely completely like a girl. …this may make me come across as an ass, but i feel obligated to point out that you’re not going to find any one word that encompasses what just took you 46 words to convey. in fact, i’m sure that even those 46 words are only scratching at the surface of who you are as a person. …and i know that all i’ve just done is state the obvious. bear with me. for many people, when it comes to finding words to…
Q&A: “What do you call my sexuality in this scenario?”
anonymous said: Hey hello hi, so I just recently came to the fact that im attracted physically to men and not sexually, but im attracted to woman physically and sexually. Ive always identified myself as a Lesbian and im confused now cus i found out i feel attracted to men. I DONT wanna do any sexually things with them, NEVER, but i find them attractive? like hardcore. What do you call my sexuality in this scenario? YO and thanks it’s up to you what you call yourself, anon. you could choose to continue to identify as a lesbian if you want to. being a lesbian doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t attracted to men in any way whatsoever, imho. then again, you could also identify as something else if you want to. some people are attracted to different genders in different ways. a woman who is sexually and romantically attracted to women…
Q&A: “That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels!”
anonymous said: That’s part of the reason why I so strongly hold onto “queer” as one of my labels! I identify under both the ace and aro umbrellas, but it’s weird and hard to explain and trying to say I’m bi/pan/poly/etc (even without -romantic) carries that weird connotation that doesn’t fit me. I actually think you just managed to put my feelings into words??? I’m having an epiphany and I need to go think about this more. (re: this post) i know right? i’m also very fond of ‘queer’ as a word and identity and identify strongly with it. sometimes i refer to myself as a ‘queer asexual’ rather than as a ‘bi / pan asexual’ for the sake of brevity and/or to avoid assumptions, depending on the situation and who i’m talking to. whenever i do that, ‘queer’ isn’t acting as a replacement for ‘bi’ or ‘pan’, but rather as yet another…
