identity policing Archives | Page 3 of 4 | Queer As Cat

Q&A

Q&A: “So I have a friend who uses they/them/theirs and identifies as a lesbian.”

November 28, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: So I have a friend who uses they/them/theirs and identifies as a lesbian. A mutual friend of ours recently made a comment about how our friend is identifying “wrong” because only women can be lesbians. I’m not sure how to respond to this other than calling them an asshole, which I already did. Also I don’t know if I should tell my friend about this because like I said earlier they are also friends with said asshole. Advice, maybe? well, honestly i’m inclined to call someone who’s attempting to gatekeep or police someone else’s identity an asshole myself, so… that said, there are a few things i want to comment on even though i think that you and i are already on the same page about these things. your mutual friend indeed has no right to even suggest that your friend is identifying the “wrong” way. their comment is…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A and Q&A: “I just saw a long and intricate post explaining why het ace/aro people shouldn’t be in the LGBT community…”

October 29, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I just saw a long and intricate post explaining why het ace/aro people shouldn’t be in the LGBT community as the space just isn’t for them. In the end they explained that het ace/aro’s should be allies for LGBT and that’s just something they should accept. I don’t know… I’m feeling pretty deflated now and I’ve given up all hope on ace/aro people ever being accepted in this community. I also find it insulting that it came from an ace person. I feel sad and I don’t want to be asexual anymore. oh, anon. i’m really sorry that you came across a post like that. may i recommend blocking that person and any other people whom you see similar posts from as soon as you see the post, before even reading the post? please do whatever it takes to protect yourself from hurtful posts like that, even if…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
April 5, 2018
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Q&A: “do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer?”

September 25, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hello, just asking cause I’m not entirely sure and I value your opinion… do you think it’s ‘correct’ for hetero ace/aros to call themselves queer. And I mean, is that something that should be allowed to be done without getting furiously shamed by other members of LGBT+ Because I’ve seen a lot of them get flack for using that term for themselves and now I’m not sure if it’s okay. I originally thought it was but… yeah. Thanks. ….ahhh, The Debate. which shouldn’t even really be the debate that it is in the first place, imho. i generally prefer to stay out of The Debate because i feel like The Debate itself is an example of identity policing, most often on the part of people who do not believe that heteroromantic aces or aro heterosexuals are a part of the LGBTQIA community to begin with (and i…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
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April 5, 2018
Q&A

Q&A not Q&A: “a person told me that I was “stealing other experiences” and “hurting other people that felt that way…”

September 24, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I have used the label neutrois for a a time now, but now I am using demiguy. I add that people could consider me a trans man now. I announce this decision on a group in facebook and a person told me that I was “stealing other experiences” and “hurting other people that felt that way” I said I was experimenting with label until I can find the one that “stick” and they think is a whim. not only is that person trying to invalidate your identity, they also seem to be trying to guilt trip you by suggesting that you are somehow hurting other people. gender/identity police and would-be gatekeepers are such asshats, i swear. i’m sorry that you’re dealing with a person (or even people) like this. for one, you are not “stealing” anything. no one owns nor has a monopoly on what it means to…

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Vesper H.

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April 5, 2018

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February 23, 2016
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QAC 39 – Biromantic + Panromantic Pride! | Being Both Bi & Pan

September 23, 2015 / No Comments

happy Bi Visibility Day and Bi Awareness Week! 🙂 in this video i talk about what being biromantic and panromantic means to me, common questions i get about being bi and pan and why i identify as both rather than one or the other. i also talk about my journey to realizing my romantic orientation and how being black and being asexual played a part in that journey. ========= TIME POINTS ========= @00:00 – happy Bi Awareness Week & Bi Visibility Day! @00:39 – what is “biromantic” & “panromantic”? @01:20 – what being biro and panro means to me. @01:30 – FAQ: “but bi means two!!!“ @02:53 – FAQ: “but then how is bi different from pan???” @04:09 – FAQ: “but why do you identify as both bi & pan???“ @09:07 – coming out to myself at 27: race played a part in it. @10:56 – coming out to myself…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space…”

August 27, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper! Hope you’re well. I’ve just seen a lot of discussion on my dash about straight cis ace/aro’s not belonging in the LGBT+ space because it’s “not for them” (I’m Ace but not straight) and I found it really disheartening how so many people (Who are part of LGBT) agreed that they didn’t belong w/o listening to actual ace/aro people. To me it sounds like they want to drop the “A” altogether. I was just wondering what your thoughts are? Thanks. hi anon! sorry for taking so long to respond to your ask. sadly, people saying crap like this is nothing new. it is incredibly disheartening how people within the LGBT (and ace) community(ies) are so quick to police others’ identities. you’d think that people who have had their own identities policed wouldn’t rehash the same shit onto others, but no. everyone wants to host an…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

“the ace community goes overboard with words?” i.e. word vomitted “nah”
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Q&A

Q&A: “Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality?”

July 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality? Like for a year claim im bi, then like turn around and the next year say im a lesbian but then question it again 2 years later?… not everyone is always (or ever) 100% certain of their sexuality. sexuality is very, very complex. hell, for some people it even changes over time. as such, some people question their sexuality for months or years, some people are perpetually in a state of uncertainty and some eventually identify as one thing or another only to question that identity again down the road. and all of this is 100% ok. there is nothing wrong with or strange about questioning one’s sexuality. there is nothing wrong with changing the word(s) you use to describe yourself, no matter how many times you do it. regardless of whether it is just the…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 28 – On “Blackness”, Queer Identity & Intersectionality (a rant)

July 14, 2014 / No Comments

i’m all over the place in this video. i rant about my personal experiences with the policing that takes place within the black community, concepts of “blackness” (and in turn, “whitewashing”) in the black community, being a black asexual, fears of transitioning as a black non-binary person, being black abroad and intersectionality, to varying degrees. i’m sure i’ll get ill feelings directed at me for some of the feelings and views expressed in this video, but whatever. my feelings and experiences are what they are and they needed to be (and deserve to be) expressed. that said, got your own personal experiences with race/ethnicity and sexuality/gender that you’d like to share? i’d love to hear about them. 🙂 sigh! this is why i don’t generally talk about this kind of stuff. “too much feels”…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 23 – Being Forced Out of the Closet (Bi/Panromantic Non-binary Asexual)
February 24, 2014

QAC 37 – Forced Out of the Closet: 1.5 Years Later (Non-Binary Asexual)
June 16, 2015

QAC 66 – Split Attraction Model: Opting Out Of Romantic Orientations || Grayromantic | Asexual
March 12, 2018
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QAC 26 – Gender Dysphoria: It’s Complicated. (a rant)

June 30, 2014 / No Comments

GENDER DYSPHORIA ISN’T BLACK & WHITE. NOTHING is black & white and i really wish people would stop acting as if body dysphoria is the black and social dysphoria the white of gender dysphoria. IT’S FAR MORE COMPLICATED THAN THAT. and that’s before you even consider that even internal/body dysphoria is inevitably connected to society, which i didn’t talk about at all in this video. anyway, i feel like more people need to acknowledge this fact, advice/resource blogs and websites especially. …i can’t even remember what it was that set me off on this rant. it was triggered earlier this week, but it wasn’t until today that i had time to get in front of a camera zzz…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 48 – Non-Binary Gender Norms & (A)sexuality: Yeah, No.
March 27, 2016

QAC 53 – The Trans/Cis Binary | Non-Binary vs Trans Identity | Let’s Talk
August 19, 2016

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September 23, 2016
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QAC 24 – Labels: Why They’re Important + Why I Use Them

March 17, 2014 / No Comments

a blurb about labels, their importance and why i use them. because i talk too damn much: @00:00 – update about my mom @00:52 – labels: more than just identity @05:22 – labels can suck @07:08 – why labels are important & why i use them i’m a little crazy in the beginning, but i swear i start making sense towards the end. ;(

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Vesper H.

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