changing identities Archives | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “I think I’m bi? But I’ve never been attracted to women before so why now?”

March 6, 2017 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi Vesper. So Idk how to put it but I identified as a straight girl my whole life until recently. I’ve been getting attracted to women. I think I’m bi? But I’ve never been attracted to women before so why now? Idk how to feel about this bc I know ppl have discourse about whether you’re born LGBT+ or you can change into it and I’m confused. I’ve never thought about being romantic with women before but right now I’d be totally ok. idk Why all of a sudden. I feel fake idk is this a normal feeling? hi, anon. i’m no expert, but i think it’s safe to say that what you’re experiencing is not uncommon at all. like many things in life, sexuality can change. that is to say that who one is attracted to, the ways in which you experience (or even don’t experience) that…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…how to define yourself, was your self-esteem affected in any way?”

November 12, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: If I may ask, considering how you had to continuously rework how to define yourself, was your self-esteem affected in any way? do you find that your social dysphoria has worsen in the last few years, now that you know yourself better? i’ve always had piss-poor self-esteem and that continues to be the case today, so i’m afraid i have no idea whether or not the journey of self-discovery that i’ve been on over the years has affected that at all. i suspect not, though. as for dysphoria, be it social or otherwise, i do experience more dysphoria now than i did in the past and i do feel like for me personally there is some kind of correlation between becoming more comfortable with and confident in who i know myself to be gender wise and experiencing more dysphoria.

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Vesper H.

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QAC 55 – Older Asexuals: Coming Out Later In Life | Questioning | Trauma

October 23, 2016 / No Comments

happy Asexual Awareness Week! last year for AAW i made this video in support of younger aces. this year i’m putting the focus on older aces, because i genuinely feel like the asexual community in general does not do enough to raise awareness of and support for aces who older than the majority of the more visible, active ace community at present. this video is first and foremost a positivity video that hopes to offer words of encouragement to older aces, but i also try to bring light to the unique things that older aces may face, including the desexualization of older people, the taboo of sexuality as an older person & how older aces may struggle with reconciling asexual identity with the identity(/ies) that they already had for years prior to discovering the word “asexual.” i also touch upon things that one may find relevant regardless of age, such…

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Vesper H.

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one of many reasons why “QUEER” means so much to me.

September 23, 2016 / 1 Comment

[ CAPTION: a long, white image with “QUEER” faded in rainbow gradient in the background behind text written using various fonts in various sizes, colors and line-weight reading “sometimes identity is a journey. so far mine has gone something like this – queerascat.tumblr.com HOLY SHIT, i’m BISEXU– wait, no, i’m PANSEXUAL! oh, but demisexuality? i’m DEMI-PANSEXUAL! but wait, what if i’m a LESBIAN??? no, WAIT! i’m NOT EVEN FEMALE!!! (no shit sherlock! plus you like who you like of any gender!) oh god, not even demi, TOTALLY ACE after all… shiiiiittt… panromantic ace! biromantic ace? PANro and BIro ACE! lolol wtf was i ever even thinking??? OF COURSE i’m a BI (sans ‘romantic’) & PAN (sans ‘romantic’) ACE. but grayro? quoiro? BI-PAN-GRAY-QUOIRO?? ugh, what the fuck ever. i’ll use whichever word(s) whenever it feels right to do so, but QUEER is the one word that has ALWAYS felt right. – Vesper 09/23/2016…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I’ve IDed as aromantic for a while, but I’m very confused.”

June 10, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Question!! I’ve IDed as aromantic for a while, but I’m very confused. I think I like quioromantic, but also I feel like idemromantic could apply. Since the two are similar, how would I decide which is more accurate in describing myself? Thanks! -Cio Oh! And also, does it make sense for me to want/be in a romantic relationship even if I (don’t know if I) feel romantic attraction? If one of my close friends asked me on a date I’d quickly agree, but is that fair to them? -Cio i often suggest to people to try an identity / label ‘on for size’ to see how it ‘fits’. sometimes it’s hard to know whether something feels ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ to you just from read definitions and researching the experiences of others who identify as the identity / label that you’re interested in. sometimes things become a lot clearer more quickly by…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What do u do if u have identified as exclusively homosexual for a long time but then u fall for one person of the opposite sex?”

October 29, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: What do u do if u have identified as exclusively homosexual for a long time but then u fall for one person of the opposite sex? Are u still homosexual or does that one exception make u something else? in my humble opinion that is entirely up to you. some people do continue to identify as homosexual but with an exception. some identify as bisexual but with an inclination towards a certain gender(s). others identify as something else entirely. it’s entirely up to the person in question. being a non-binary person myself, i feel obligated to mention that if you do eventually enter into a relationship with someone of a different gender (there is no such thing as “the opposite” sex or gender given that there are more than two), it would be worth chatting about it with your partner. especially when it comes to trans or non-binary people,…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

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April 5, 2018
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Q&A not Q&A: “a person told me that I was “stealing other experiences” and “hurting other people that felt that way…”

September 24, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: I have used the label neutrois for a a time now, but now I am using demiguy. I add that people could consider me a trans man now. I announce this decision on a group in facebook and a person told me that I was “stealing other experiences” and “hurting other people that felt that way” I said I was experimenting with label until I can find the one that “stick” and they think is a whim. not only is that person trying to invalidate your identity, they also seem to be trying to guilt trip you by suggesting that you are somehow hurting other people. gender/identity police and would-be gatekeepers are such asshats, i swear. i’m sorry that you’re dealing with a person (or even people) like this. for one, you are not “stealing” anything. no one owns nor has a monopoly on what it means to…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality?”

July 10, 2015 / No Comments

anonymous said: Is it normal to go back and forth on my sexuality? Like for a year claim im bi, then like turn around and the next year say im a lesbian but then question it again 2 years later?… not everyone is always (or ever) 100% certain of their sexuality. sexuality is very, very complex. hell, for some people it even changes over time. as such, some people question their sexuality for months or years, some people are perpetually in a state of uncertainty and some eventually identify as one thing or another only to question that identity again down the road. and all of this is 100% ok. there is nothing wrong with or strange about questioning one’s sexuality. there is nothing wrong with changing the word(s) you use to describe yourself, no matter how many times you do it. regardless of whether it is just the…

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Vesper H.

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QAC 27 – Goodbye Neutrois, Hello Maverique (ie. me changing labels)

July 7, 2014 / No Comments

my gender identity may be changing, but my gender itself is not. in this video i blurb about why i no longer identify as neutrois and instead have coined a new gender identity: maverique. what is maverique? http://maveriques.tumblr.com/maverique my issues with some people’s use of neutrois: http://bit.ly/1oqQMXK basically a verbal rehashing of this post for the YouTube crowd. see also: a noteable discussion that stemmed from this video [ 1 ] + [ 2 ] + [ 3 ]

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Vesper H.

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