asks Archives | Page 18 of 33 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A

Q&A: “Am I overreacting? Here in the UK it’s not called rape…”

July 16, 2016 / No Comments

cw: sexual assault anonymous said: TW: rape. A girl digitally raped me when I was 8. I only recently remembered & I’m worried that I might have caught STI/STDs from what she did. It was in a toilet & she never washed her hands (risk of faecal matter?), bit her finger nails (risk blood & saliva inside me, too). her nails were sharp&ragged, so might’ve scratched me inside. It was 14 yrs ago & I’ve never (nor ever will) have sex, so should I get tested/Am I overreacting? Here in the UK it’s not called rape, so I feel invalidated. anon, i’m afraid that i’m probably among the least qualified people to offer you any kind of advice or suggestions when it comes to something like this. off the top of my head, i can’t even think of any trustworthy resources to point you to… that said, i do not…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “Thank you so much for writing “that time i did nothing: assumed consent & retraction thereof”…”

July 16, 2016 /

anonymous said: Thank you so much for writing “that time i did nothing: assumed consent & retraction thereof”. I was in the same situation with a then boyfriend several times and I don’t know how to classify/ deal with it. Your internal monologue was so familiar. It’s good to know that I’m not the only one struggling with this. Thanks again for posting this and I hope you’re doing well. Kindest regards (re: this post) thank you for the kind message, anon. posting that post helped me realize that i’m far from the only person struggling with navigating an experience like that and it really does mean a lot to know that you’re not the only one. you writing this message adds to that, so thank you again and all the best to you as well.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I’m asexual, and for months have been trying to figure out if I am biromantic or panromantic…”

July 13, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hello! I’m asexual, and for months have been trying to figure out if I am biromantic or panromantic, yet I can’t seem to make sense of it. I also noticed you used all three terms, minus the ‘-romantic’ suffix. Would you be willing to talk about how those three connect for you, even just briefly? Thank you, and I hope you have a wonderful day/night. hi. 🙂 how being bi, pan and ace connect for me, eh…? mmm… well, the short and simplified way that i usually go about explaining my sexuality to people is that i am (have the potential to be) attracted to people of any gender, but that attraction is never sexual. …and unless the person in question responds to that with further questions or i feel like going into more detail than that, i usually just leave it at that because i think that’s as…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016
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Q&A: “how long have you been studying esperanto?”

July 13, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: hello Vesper! how long have you been studying esperanto? and would you consider yourself fluent/conversational? I know it’s known as a “simple language” but I’m still unsure as to whether or not it’s worth learning actively since it’s not a common language in real life compared to other languages. do you speak it often? sorry if these are too many questions. sal. 🙂 not too many questions at all. i started learning Esperanto in 2003 and would say that i’m pretty conversational / fluent in it. that said, i go in and out of actively using it and when i’m not actively using it, i get rusty and have to brush up on it to get back to where i used to be, just like with any other language. Esperanto’s reputation of being an easy enough language to learn in 6 months is true, but it can take longer…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
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Q&A: “I’m thinking about using the meaning of my given name as my name…”

July 13, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I’m thinking about using the meaning of my given name as my name, but it sounds a little odd. So I was going to remove a letter, but removing a letter made it identical to a name from a culture I don’t belong to. Since it’s a deliberate variation of a word that isn’t culturally specific is it okay? Or should I leave it be an look for something else? Would using the variation as a nickname and the other as the official name be better? I’m not sure and it’s giving me anxiety. no matter who you ask this question to, i feel like the answer that you get is inevitably going to be a subjective one dependent on the personal opinion of the person answering the question because there is no rulebook for names and cultural appropriation. in other words, all i can do is tell…

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Vesper H.

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Feedback: “I just wanted to thank you for your post on the alterous vs platonic thing…”
February 23, 2016

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Q&A: “i’m a non-binary person and sometimes i feel weird calling myself bi/pan?”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: so, i’m a non-binary (more specifically trans-masculine) person and sometimes i feel weird calling myself bi/pan? like, i have a hard time figuring out what to call my sexuality, since i feel that many of the labels for sexuality aren’t really designed with nb people in mind. i just… don’t know if you’ve ever had similar feelings? oh definitely, i have felt that way before. in fact, i was at a non-binary meeting yesterday and this was a subject that came up. some people took no issue with bi, while others did. there was talk of how pan was coined in response to (the assumption of) bi being binarist and erasing or exclusionary of non-binary people and how people felt about that. some felt it was a good thing that pan was coined, others had no opinion as they don’t identify as either and were sorely missing the…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…the way mainstream media sexualizes wlw relationships so dramatically is making it really hard for me to figure out…”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi. I’m pretty sure I’m bi, but I’m on the ace spectrum and the way mainstream media sexualizes wlw relationships so dramatically is making it really hard for me to figure everything out. Does anyone else struggle with this? How do I get past it? i can’t speak for anyone else but myself, but at the same time i am fairly certain that many people (ace spectrum or not, woman themself or not) struggle with the hypersexualization of women in general in the media and trying to figure out one’s own feelings in spite of that hypersexualization. however, you’re not just anyone. trying to figure out your feelings in the midst of all this hypersexualization as a woman loving woman (wlw) yourself (or so i assume; apologies if i’m wrong) makes the stuff in the media feel all the more potent and difficult to navigate, i think. wlw…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “i’m a little confused why you tagged something as pangender which also has problematic implications…”

July 3, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: so i was reading your blog and since you are aware of the problematic connotations of third gender i’m a little confused why you tagged something as pangender which also has problematic implications without knowing what post you’re referring to, it’s hard for me to really tell you why i tagged any particular post that way. that said, if i do a tag search on my blog, the last post that i tagged with #pangender was an ask from 2015 in which an anon asked me how i feel about the term pangender, which you may be interested in reading, anon. either way, it’s a given that i would tag that post #pangender, just as i’m going to do with this post. i’m going to assume you ran into some old post of mine from 2014 or older since aside from the aforementioned ask (and the related response posts), that…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Idk if this is a valid thing but I know I love women and I also seem to love nb folks…”

July 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Idk if this is a valid thing but I know I love women and I also seem to love nb folks. I myself am nonbinary so I know they’re real and valid genders and such but there’s always a bit of me that worries that I like women and just want to feel special. Or at least that others will always assume that what you’re feeling is 100% valid, anon. imho, it sounds like you might be struggling with internalized monosexism. the same ignorance, stigma, etc within society that repeatedly tells bi people that they’re really just gay or straight and they’re just doing whatever it is that they’re doing (ie. loving who they love) for attention or to feel special. that they have to pick one gender to love or else they’re being ‘greedy’ or ‘confused’. it’s a large part of what fuels biphobia and many people who…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What do you call my sexuality in this scenario?”

June 29, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey hello hi, so I just recently came to the fact that im attracted physically to men and not sexually, but im attracted to woman physically and sexually. Ive always identified myself as a Lesbian and im confused now cus i found out i feel attracted to men. I DONT wanna do any sexually things with them, NEVER, but i find them attractive? like hardcore. What do you call my sexuality in this scenario? YO and thanks it’s up to you what you call yourself, anon. you could choose to continue to identify as a lesbian if you want to. being a lesbian doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t attracted to men in any way whatsoever, imho. then again, you could also identify as something else if you want to. some people are attracted to different genders in different ways. a woman who is sexually and romantically attracted to women…

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Vesper H.

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