asks Archives | Page 17 of 33 | Queer As Cat

[A]sexuality, Q&A, Queer[ness]

Q&A: “Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both….”

August 2, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: You asked for help concerning the 2 anons in the same situation. It seems to me they separate love life and sex life. Feelings, love, romance on one side separate from sex on the other side. Sexual desire or romantic love for one person but never both for the same person. Sex and romance seem incompatible. Sadly I can’t think of one and only term that includes the 2 parts of this orientation. (re: these posts) i have no way of actually knowing whether or not the two anons are referring to the exact same thing, but… i feel like saying “they separate love life and sex life” is oversimplifying things and kind of suggests that it’s something that they decidedly do rather than just being how they experience things, even though i know you probably didn’t mean to imply that. i do get what you (and the other…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “I think I’m a cis girl but I’ve discovered that I don’t mind if someone would call me by other pronouns…”

August 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hey 🙂 I think I’m a cis girl but I’ve discovered that I don’t mind if someone would call me by other pronouns than she/her or call me a dude or something. On some days I feel more masculine and I feel more feminine. Is that “normal”? i’m a strong believer in there being no such thing as “normal” and that what most people consider to be “normal” is really just “common”, but anyway… is that common among cis girls? i’m afraid that i have no idea. based on what i’ve heard, i wouldn’t say that it’s uncommon. then again, i’d also like to point out that whether it’s common or not says nothing about your gender anyway. everyone, regardless of whether they’re cis, trans and / or non-binary, has their own unique relationship with and feelings about the language used to refer to them and how they feel about their…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: ” can’t find a word that completely describes myself. Perhaps you can help.”

August 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Despite reading lexicons, I can’t find a word that completely describes myself. Perhaps you can help. Description of my person: AFAB, I love and I’m happy with my female body, don’t want a male body; crossdressing, men’s clothes, very feminine underwear, make-up, long hair, love my androgynous face. Psychologically sometimes really feel like I’m a man, sometimes quite like a girl, rarely completely like a girl. …this may make me come across as an ass, but i feel obligated to point out that you’re not going to find any one word that encompasses what just took you 46 words to convey. in fact, i’m sure that even those 46 words are only scratching at the surface of who you are as a person. …and i know that all i’ve just done is state the obvious. bear with me. for many people, when it comes to finding words to…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “…maybe that anon was talking about nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex.”

August 1, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I saw your answer about fraysexuality. I don’t know if I can be helpful but maybe that anon was talking about nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex. This is how I feel myself but I could not find a word mixing my sexuality and my romantic attraction. And I would love to find this word. The definition of fraysexual doesn’t describe how I feel. (re: this post) i very well could have misunderstood the anon in that ask. perhaps they, like you, feel like fraysexual isn’t the word they’re looking for. nonsexual love mixed with nonromantic sex… i’m afraid that i’m drawing a blank when it comes to thinking of a word that encompasses all of that. which isn’t to say that such a word doesn’t exist, i just don’t know of it or am unable to think of it at the moment. can anyone else help anon…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A

Q&A: “Are there any good reasons why the split attraction model should be something only a-spec people use?”

July 31, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Are there any good reasons why the split attraction model should be something only a-spec people use? A-spec aren’t the only people with crossed orientations. as far as i’m concerned, there is no reason why someone couldn’t or shouldn’t make use of the split attraction model if they feel it meaningful to do so. anyone who insists on telling someone that something that they find meaningful or helpful for themself is “actually more harmful than helpful” needs to stop and think about why it is that they feel it alright to attempt to undermine someone else’s agency over their own identity like that. the reason that i always see being upheld as for why the split attraction model is “more harmful than helpful” for people who aren’t asexual and / or aromantic always boils down to “because it was harmful for me.” in fact, after commenting on the post that…

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Vesper H.

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February 23, 2016

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Feedback: “Thanks for the heteroromantic homosexual flag and thank you for your responses…”

July 31, 2016 /

anonymous said: Thanks for the heteroromantic homosexual flag and thank you for your responses and other people for their nice comments when this other tumblr user was more or less telling I’m not normal. It took more than 30 years before I could name my orientation and I was so happy when I was finally could do it. So it’s not nice to be insulted by someone who wasn’t asked a thing. Sorry if you were annoyed because of me and sorry for my bad English, it’s not my mother tongue. And again THANKS. (re: this post) no problem, anon, and no worries. i’m more than happy to help when i can and your English is great. i was annoyed at the other person, not you. 🙂

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I can’t have sex with someone I love and I can only have sex with someone when…”

July 31, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: I can’t have sex with someone I love and I can only have sex with someone when I don’t have feelings for this person. A name for me? I read about allochronic orientation. fraysexuality comes to mind and may be something worth looking into. including a link to get you started because, sadly, there seems to be a lot of negativity being directed at this orientation. if you do look into this orientation, take care doing so, anon.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “Do you know a pride flag for heteroromantic homosexual?”

July 31, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous said: Hi. Do you know a pride flag for heteroromantic homosexual? Thanks hello. 🙂 there are no ‘official’ flags for mixed orientations (romantic & sexual orientations which differ from each other), but many people use the flag that is common for sexual orientations with a heart in the center in the colors of their romantic orientation. since i couldn’t find a decent example to link you to, i made one. here you go.

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “I have a question regarding the Japanese use of the terms asexual and nonsexual…”

July 27, 2016 / No Comments

anonymous post: I have a question regarding the Japanese use of the terms asexual and nonsexual. Is asexual generally used by all aces on the aromantic spectrum or do arospec aces who sometimes feel romantic attraction (such as grey aromantics) typically prefer to use nonsexual? I’d like to get more involved with the ace community when I (hopefully) move to Japan, but I feel like the Japanese terminology doesn’t even let me describe myself… (re: this post) bearing in mind that everything i’m about to say is based entirely on my own limited experience and observation… i can count the number of times i’ve met or heard of a Japanese person actively identifying in some way as gray or demi on one hand. generally speaking, awareness of nuanced ace & aro spectrum identities / orientations is hardly a thing among Japanese aces. the only time i hear any explicit mention of…

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Vesper H.

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Q&A: “What are your thoughts on the ‘ace discourse’?”

July 23, 2016 / 1 Comment

anonymous said: Hi! I really like your blog, and I’ve seen a few of your videos, you’re really cool and you helped me a lot on understanding my identity. I wanted to ask you, but of course you don’t have to answer if you don’t want to, what are your thoughts on the ‘ace discourse’? hello and thanks for the kind words. 🙂 i’m going to be a bit pedantic and ask what exactly you’re referring to when you say ‘the ace discourse’ because i feel like this phrase is being used to refer to a lot of different (although related) stuff that’s been going on on Tumblr for a while now. do you mean how some people insist that inclusion in ‘the LGBT community’ is based on oppression? that aces aren’t oppressed at all? that aces are oppressed, but not for being ace? do you mean how some people insist that…

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Vesper H.

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